Tuesday, 31 December 2013

My 2013 - what did it all mean?

My 2013 was possibly one of the most extreme years i remember ever facing and in so many ways. It literally was one of them years that would either make you, or break you, but it feels as if neither happend.

My year was bad in that i came face to face with the aftermath of domestic violence. I wasn't there to see it happen, but i saw how it can turns worlds upside down and change people. It was a bad year in that i was at times pushed into a sevear feeling of depression and loss after meeting someone for a short amount of time. It was bad that it would push my emotions futher than i think they've ever been pushed before and in complete oposite directions.

My year was amazingly good in that i no longer live alone, I have Trey. It was a year that saw me manage through some awful financial times and still manage to stay afloat. It saw me gain a bigger voice in speaking out for what i want to happen in my corner of the world.

2013 is a year that many are going to look back on and call a bad year, try to write it off. For me, i cannot do this, it hold's too many lessons and while yes, some of them are bad, i cannot afford to forget the good times, because i use them to fight off the next round of bad times.

In term's of meaning, 2013 mean's that my life changed, for the better or worse? THAT part, remains to be seen.

Happy new year to you all!

Sunday, 22 December 2013

An interesting bit i found online....

*Le sigh* the good old music debate... i stand on both sides too... maybe not so much with this one though....

This blog post is in relation to....

The musician Whitey responds to a TV company asking to use his music for free. - Imgur

Now there is 2 very clear side's to this debate... let me explain both from a personal point of view.

Side A)

- The music should be free.

Some people will say that the music should be available for free, for use online or in a bar at an event. This would help whichever artist to be heard by more people and of course, would help them sell more copies of said song.

Side B)

- The music should be paid for to be used.

Other people will agree with the artist in saying, he should be paid for his work if its going to be used. It isn't uncommon for companies or dj's to have to pay a little extra, to play certain song's and this money helps to keep artists making money, after all, it is their income.

Now, where do i stand?

Kind of in the middle with this one. On one hand, yes the artist would recieve some promotion for his work and hopefully it would have given him a new level to promote his music. However, as he has said himself, this is what he does to make a living, this is his income. We really can't do it both ways.

Me personally, if it was going to promote my music, i would have agree'd that they could have used it, even though granted, this company can easily afford to pay him, they don't want to. I'm also unaware of how many times this company has tried to use his music, but to me, it does seem abit harsh to send such a reply, to someone who's only doing their job, i'm sure a simple "no" would have been enough.

But where do you stand on this?

Sunday, 8 December 2013

100 posts, what am i like?

I've made it.

100 posts on my blogger and no sign's of slowing down either.... not that i have a schedule on here or anything, but still...

When i first started blogging, like, in full, i always remember having this urge of wanting to put my opinion out there and seeing what people had to say. Knowing that while my opinion might well be rare, i wasn't the only one to be thinking what i was thinking.

It kind of built on from that, i became used to speaking to the camera and kind of enjoyed it. Then of course, i decided that while i enjoyed looking back at video's, i wanted to look back at stuff i was doing too... and that's where life with bev came along. It was first recorded up at a car park near to where i live, i didn't even tell my friend what i was doing, i just stuck the camera on and... off we went.

Since that time, life with bev has had over 100 video's posted, however, for various reasons, some of them have been taken down.

I think the life with bev series is coverd quite well in the latest set of titles for the blog.

I was loving doing life with bev and the series took me over many journey's in my life, through high times and the low, but i was doing something that was annoying me.

See, i started using the video's as a way to vent my feelings and frustration's at thing's. The whole point of life with bev was for me to be able to look back at thing's that have happend in my life, not so much my opinion's on things. I then ended up setting up the BevRants youtube channel.

Around the same time, i started this blog off, thinking, maybe typing might be another way for me to vent how i feel, or be able to post stuff about my life... or letter's that i've had, that i couldn't show on screen... etc.

Today, this reaches 100 posts and you know... i couldn't be more happy. I mean, it's not the most viewd blog ever, infact, most days, these 100 posts will get no views, but then something will come along and will attracts hundreds of viewings.

Most importantly, i still enjoy posting on here, and for as long as that happens, well, here's to another 100 postings... *clicks glass*

Keep what's on youtube, on youtube.

This might sound like an odd thing to say, and depending on where this is posted, it probably is an odd and random thing to say.

However, over the past few years, facebook has seen a surge in content (video's) being posted on pages, which have clearly been downloaded from youtube and then uploaded to facebook. While many people might be happy with this because it makes sharing more easy and the people who post the content on their facebook pages happy, because their stats look great, theres several thing's to remember here....

1) Youtube content is made by people, for people. It's not made to be downloaded and uploaded elsewhere without the content poster's permission in writing (that latter bit is from a legal point of view).

2) Adsense adverts appear on most youtube video's these days, and while not many people know how or why, it does prove to be an income for some people to even live off. Taking their content and placing it elsewhere, where adsense is not active, might well be great for a facebook page, but it does take a large amount of income away from the person.

On the adsense point there, don't think facebook won't start showing adverts on their video's... they're looking into it.

3) Posters on facebook need to look at other pages and see what they're posting. Often, people will like more than one page in a certain catagory, take "Vine's" for example. When you search vine on facebook, you will find ALOT of pages there, where people post their fave video's. That's fine... only, it's the same content on each page... so why not shake it up a little, people do get bored of watching the same old stuff.

Most important to notice here is facebook's agreement with the big music companies and content creator's, the more content that is taken off other website's and posted on facebook, the more they get involved... trust me, they can ruin website's if they fully enforce their ways on it.

Monday, 2 December 2013

A gig of an ego boost?

So here i am, monday morning, 1:45am, starting this, feeling on top of the world.

What a weekend i've had!

Saturday was always going to be a long day, i knew that, so friday night, i logged off everything and went to sleep by about 10/11pm, but could i sleep? no. Infact, i didn't get off to sleep until about half 3 in the morning. I woke up at half 7, grabbed a quick bath... and started on my timeline of the day....

8:30am - Took Trey out for a walk, stunning sunrise today, little bit on the chilly side, but leaving this field soon to go and meet the mother, time for Trey to be pamperd...

9:40am - Trey dropped off at the dog groomers for a haircut and wash. Me and mum off to take a little look around the shops and will probably end up buying some random stuff we don't need... oooh, lets look in pet's at home...

11:30am - Been and picked Trey up, he looks so much better after his haircut and i saw so many animals in pets at home that i wanted...


3pm - Got to mothers and after one job leading to another, the christmas tree is up now and we think we're dealing with mice in the attick, what a joy! Time to get home and get down to the club... gig tonight!!!

5:30pm - Just arrived at the club, now, i'd seen the owner in the week and he'd said about it getting fixed up in the function room and... i'm impressed, but no time for waiting around, it's time to get set up!

6pm - tech guy's have turned up, setting up a huge screen on the stage, it's an awards show tonight, looking really good! People should get here about 7, then they'll start the awards show at about half 7, buffet at 9 and then i'll be djing about 10 ish. Sorted!

They've also been working with me to use this mic on the stand thing, awful, they placed it right under the speaker, on the weird side, i've never used phantom on the sound desk before, so thats something new. Kinda looking forward to seeing how this goes.

9pm - omg, just got out of the awards part, sheesh! Went brilliantly, happy faces, video's and images on the big screen all worked well, so yey to that. Other tech guys are taking the screen down as we speak, so i'll get in, finish off setting the light's up and then we're good to go!

1:17am - Well, the 2nd part went brilliantly, crowed were literally in the palm of my hand... time to pack up now and then wait for the people to leave...

3am - people just left, me and dan (the bar manager) are just clearing off the last few glasses and going home!

3:30am - BED!

So it was a busy day, loads of compliments after the gig, people saying how much they enjoyed it, so im chuffed to bits with it all, i really am! It's rare that i can say after a gig that it went perfect, but it did...

Anyways, that was my saturday... sunday, i've spent in bed, recovering, as you'd expect.

Now though, onto monday.... well, sleep first....

Friday, 29 November 2013

The death penalty, where i stand.

Odd, that in the run up to christmas i should post about such a topic. Yet, everywhere i go, people are in a hurry to get somewhere, pushing each other out of the way because over the 1 day that the shops are closed, you may run out of toilet roll, so quick, buy 50 of them before anyone else does.

That alone, warrent's me thinking about the death penalty.

It has been on my mind recently though. About a week ago, me and a friend we're up until the wee hour's watching the film "the mathew sheperd story". One of the main theme's that run's through the film is that they can have the death penalty, if they want it. As we see with mathews mother in the film, she doesn't want it. I don't think i would either?

But why? i hear you asking....

In my mind, the death of one person cannot be equaled by the death of another. I am not god, i do not have a right to say who is entitled to life and who isn't. I also have to bring into question as to how sure you have to be that you have the right person before you sentence them to death, because what if in 5 years after the death, new evidence is found and it turns out, you killed the wrong person.

To me, there's much worse that can be done to a person while they're still alive. Have a listen to this....

"A life in memory", to me, is a much tougher thing to deal with than death. It bring's around eventually a better sense of justice, because that person has to go through every day, thinking about what they did and why, with death, they don't.

Now, my friend and i, have never been in the position where we could have someone handed a death sentence luckily and touch wood, would never have to be in such a position. I can only imagine though that being in that position, would make a person think differently about thing's like this.

But what say you?

Are you for a death sentence as a way of justice?

Tuesday, 19 November 2013

James Arthur, the beginning of the end.

So, i've been reading the news over the past few days, and actually... i couldn't be more happy.

See, last year, or, the year before... a guy won the british x-factor show called James Arthur. From his audition on the show, i never took to him. He looked awful, sounded awful and i could almost smell him through the tv and wanted to wash him. So anyway, he went on to win and blah blah blah.

His first single has come out and wasn't actually doing too bad in the charts. That was, until, he used the term "fucking queer" in a rap song. The news was picked upon by the newspapers and people online and of course... began what we have today.

What seems to have happend is James has made a track for a rap artist, and included some of his own lyrics on it, which include the term "fucking queer". Some might excuse this, but i, can't. There's no need for such terms in music these days, at all. It IS homophobic. If you don't think it is, let's swap the word queer for nigger, so in the song he calls someone a "fucking nigger", is that racist? Yes? But fucking queer isn't homophobic?

Morals people.

Anyway, the short version of it is, he's made a series of apologies on twitter and, well, not got the responce he wanted. He's since left twitter and his account is now handled by his management team, which let's face it, must be now working overtime, trying to recover him from what is basically, a PR disaster.

He's brought this on himself, nobody else to blame and he's lost alot of fans. His album sales are down and i'm waiting for news as we speak to hear about how his song is selling at the moment.

His career is on it's way out, he'll be forgotten about soon, but let's hope this lesson, isn't.

Tuesday, 12 November 2013

It's called freedom to learn.

Here's a little thing to make you ponder slightly, as i am doing at the moment. I'm currently following an online newspaper called "Pink news" with the majority of their stories being based around the gay community. While sometime's i do have to question exactly how one of their news stories can be related to the lgbt community, i didn't have to wonder that today... much.

Today, one of their headlines was "Liverpool University was prepared to host cleric who says gays are ‘filthy’".

Correct me if i'm wrong here, but isn't the whole point of going to a university to learn? I fully accept that people will always have different point's of view on things, and i don't think we should silence those that think different from ourselves, if anything, we should explain our point's of view and talk about whatever topic it is. Yet, for this man, i kind of feel that he's being attacked over his point of view, just because he holds that point of view.

Here's the rest of the article.

The University of Liverpool has confirmed that it was prepared to allow an Islamic cleric with extreme anti-gay views to conduct a speech in front of students.
The Tayyibun Institute announced last Thursday that it had cancelled Mufti Ismail Menk’s tour of several universities – with the consent of the controversial cleric.
It had previously released a flyer promoting Menk’s tour and had stated that he would be visiting several British universities during November.
Despite being listed on the flyer, Glasgow and Oxford universities told PinkNews that they were unaware of any invitation having been extended to Menk.
However, the University of Liverpool has admitted it was prepared to host the cleric, after the university’s Islamic Society invited him.
The university confirmed to PinkNews that Menk would not be speaking today at the Guild of Students, but only because of last week’s decision by the cleric and the Tayyibun Institute to cancel his tour.
Menk has described gay people as “filthy” and worse than “dogs and pigs”; believes consenting gay sex is as bad as “rape”, and says it’s “foolish” for Muslims to accept homosexuality.
The University of Liverpool believes its students should be allowed to challenge his views in the presence of the cleric.
A spokesperson said: “We are committed to providing an inclusive environment where the views and beliefs of all our staff and students are respected.
“Universities provide platforms for discussion and debate – whether or not we agree with the views of those involved. It is not the role of the university to censor people’s views, but rather to provide a neutral, open environment for them to be debated and challenged.
“The Guild of Students and the university have clear policies on diversity and equality, which inform our decisions on events such as this.”

Now that, to  me, screams an attack on him just because he has a different point of view, doesn't it to you? Who's able to say here exactly what would have been said on his tour? When he reffers to gays as pigs and all that, so what? is he really the only one to think that? not at all.

We, as gay people, use our freedom of speech to express our point's of view, so why should we attack other's when they express their point's of view?

So... where do you stand on this now?

Click here to read the article on the pink news website.

Monday, 11 November 2013

Youtube... and why i won't comment on that.

... Because i can't.

Yes, for many of you reading this you'll have noticed that over the past week, popular website Youtube rolled out it's new system and gave us all these new wonderful features of.. erm.. well, i'm sure there's some.

Anyway, i thought's GREAT! A new look for youtube, people will like this, it's made playlists more user friendly, it's more easy to share the content on youtube now etc, what could possibly go wrong?

Then, i saw a post my my friend (and popular youtuber, who i won't name on here) post on his facebook about one of the orig designers of youtube and how he'd commented on his youtube wall to ask "why do we need a google plus account in order to be able to comment".

I thought, no, that can't be right can it? Unfortunatly, it is.

Let me explain to you my relationship between myself and google plus. When "plus" was first created, it was supposed to be a mixture of facebook, twitter, skype and even email. It was built to be this amazing thing that everyone should sign up to. The people that google allowed to use the service earlyer than the public all had these great things to say about it. (I don't actually know 1 person who tried plus before it's launch, who didn't work for google. Not that this matters, but, just saying).

Plus launched to the public and loads of people signed up and some... ran into problems.

See when you first signed up, google wanted people to use just their real names, nothing else. If you didn't want to remain secretive online, you were out of luck im afraid. I had a friend of mine HappyCabbie report on his youtube about people who were signing up, but didn't use their full real name and were deleted from google. That's right, not just deleted from plus, but gmail, youtube, adesense... all their google products were lost.

I avoided plus, never signed up, after hearing that, why would i risk all those hours ive spent filming stuff and uploading it to youtube, why would i risk it on a service i'd managed to live 20+ years without.

So i didn't sign up... and still refuse to, which is why Youtube's latest switch around is really bugging me.

See, not many people use google plus these days, site traffic is awful, when you take into consideration the amount of users the service is supposed to have... it's not great. So why is youtube now trying to push people into signing up for google plus?

I reported my issue to youtube and recieved a reply this morning from them, which reads....

Hi _____,

Thanks for contacting us.

I understand that you're having trouble when commenting on a video. I apologize for the inconvenience caused in this regard.

The new comment system has several features that are built on Google technology. These features rely on the Google identity system, based on Google+, so your channel needs to be connected to a Google+ profile or page in order to use the new system.

You can also find more information about the new commenting system in the help center and on the YouTube Blog.
You don't have to use your full name. You can keep your YouTube username, and your full name won't be displayed publicly anywhere. Not on YouTube, not on Google+. See your options here.
However, we appreciate your feedback as we're constantly trying to improve the YouTube experience. The best way to send us direct feedback with screenshots using the Send Feedback button at the bottom of any YouTube page.
I hope this information is useful. Thanks again for getting in touch with us!


(not revealing who)
The YouTube Team"
Now that to me, is a pretty standard reply, it basically says "you're not going to be able to comment unless you sign up for google plus" and offers no alternative.
It is a shame to see Youtube selling out it's members for google plus, it's actually a shame that youtube was bought by google, it should have remained independant, yet you think google is going to sell off youtube? No chance.
So, worried about a lack of comments on your youtube video? Well, now you know. I'm really not the only one who's being like this, i'll just refuse to comment on video's until this rubbish rule is gotten rid of, however long it takes for them to do so. If they carry on trying to merg youtube with google plus, then i'll bid a final farewel to youtube.

***UPDATE*** - 14/11/12... and i got a reply from youtube.

Basically, I replied to the email they sent me and said it was a shame they were selling out the youtube brand to google plus, just to make google look like it's more popular then ever before, where as in reality, we're supposed to just sign up for this service that we neither want, nor use.

Here's the reply i got...

Hi Beverly,
Thanks for writing back.
Thanks for sharing your feedback on Google+. Let me provide some context around why we’re asking you to connect and hopefully answer some questions you may have.
Over the past year, we’ve been encouraging YouTube users to connect their YouTube channel with a Google+ profile or page. We recommend connecting because we've released several new features that integrate YouTube and Google functionality, and are continuing to build more. In order to take advantage of these new features, your channel needs to update to our unified identity system, which works both on YouTube and also across the rest of Google. This identity system is powered by Google+.
Although your channel needs to connect to a Google+ profile or page to be compatible with new features, you don't need to use the Google+ service itself. You can even hide your profile or page from search results if you don't want anyone to find it.
Also, I want to make sure you know that you don't have to use your full name. You can keep your YouTube username, and your full name won't be displayed publicly anywhere. Not on YouTube, not on Google+. Learn more about your options here.
It is also worth noting that if you don’t want to actively use Google+, then your Google+ profile or page will not reveal anything more than what already appears on your YouTube channel. It can show as little as just your channel name—the same one that already shows publicly on YouTube.
To learn more about connecting to Google+ and your different options, check out this support article and visit this section of the Help Center.
I hope that this information is helpful and provides you with a better understanding of why you’re being prompted to connect to Google+. Be sure to let me know if you have any questions after connecting to Google+.

(Not telling you who)
The YouTube Team"

Friday, 18 October 2013

The site's and app's i dislike on the net (You might love them though)

I'll explain my point of view on these site's and you may agree, you may not, but these are site's and app's that i refuse to use, for various reasons. This post will probably be sent to my friends when they tell me i should sign up to a site because it's so good or start using an app... etc.


Linkedin when it first launched was a good idea, certainly from a point of view of trying to gain employment it was ideal, because you really can be head hunted.

Why i don't like it - Basically, the site not a million moon's ago sufferd a hack and alot of details were stolen, so it lacked a proper security system, when the site holds some quite personal details of people, details that people have stored on there, which if stolen could lead to ID fraud. It's also not used by tonnes of people, so trying to get other's to sign up is yet another nightmare. Use of the site is also quite tricky, it's not the most user friendly site in the world, so finding your way around can often be confusing and certainly at times lead me to just logging off and thinking "try again another day". Which of course i never did, so i logged on once and closed my account for good on the site, while mentally vowing to never return to the site again after it's security breach.


Instagram or "Insta" as it's also known, started off as quite a respectable website, it was designed for people to upload special pictures to, to share and people would also be able to buy them through the site. When it was bought by facebook, it's useage went through the roof and you're more likely to find a picture of what your friend had to eat these days, rather than a picture of something actually interesting.

Why i don't like it - Basically, it's over-used and not even for the right purpose. Don't get me wrong, very rarely you can find someone on there who has a special collection of photo's which can still take your breath away, but these accounts are few and far between. As i said before, you're more likely to find someone who's taken a picture of their meal and added an effect to the photo, than a nice photo itself. I also refuse to use the website becaue i have a facebook account, those people who i want to see my photo's already can and if somebody isn't on facebook, i'll often visit them in their cave or under their rock and show them in person, so i have no actual use for the site itself, plus im not that into photography to justify using the website for it's proper useage.


SnapChat was launched to compete with the likes of whatsapp, but have a "fun" element, which is that after a few seconds the photo with the tagline will be deleted forever. SnapChat was hacked in early october 2013, leaving people's picture's they never thought would be seen again, vulnerable to being uploaded online.

Why i don't like it - It's an app that everybody has these days and i fail to see the point in it, why would you go to all the effort of taking a picture, putting the tag line then using your internet allowance to send it, just for the person to see if for a few seconds and then fingers crossed, never see it again? Alot of people use this app to send pictures of their body parts and sexual organs, and trust me, i mean ALOT of people do this, which of course added to my delight when i heard that the app had been hacked and alot of these images with the users details, stolen. SnapChat itself however will just be a flash in the pan, once the novelty has truely worn off and people start to delete the app more than they download it, the app will just fade away, only it's concept will no doubt live on under different names as the future goes on. People rave about how great the app is, yet, is it that great? wouldn't you rather have something like WhatsApp, where if you've fallen asleep while replying to a message, you can see what was put and know what you were replying to?

Draw it

Draw it was a fun app when it first came onto the scene, it's rarely touched these days, but has still made it onto this list. The idea behind it is to draw something for the other person to guess what it is.

Why i don't like it - Although it's certainly had it's prime now, the app never seemed to make sense because let's face it, who's that good at drawing these days? It's basically a drawing version of charrads, which drunk or sober, can sometimes be impossable to play because people are rubbish at guessing games.

Wednesday, 2 October 2013

And the modern day tories strike again....

YES this is going to be another rant about being unemployed at the treatment of the unemployed, but with whats been proposed recently, SOMETHING needs to be said.

First of all.

Dear BBC news, ITV news.... infact, ITN as a whole.... the people of the UK are not mostly happy with the changes, infact, the people who have an understanding of the system, not one of them are happy about what has been said recently, please correct your news services to give the wider opinion of the public.


So what has been said recently?

As it currently stands with the unemployed and how they get their money, alot of it is from what the person has paid into the system, so for a certain amount of time will recieve a type of jobseekers allowance. This amount has a limit but can vary from case to case sometimes on how much a person gets. After that time, the type will change and eventually, the person will pay it back in other ways, like higher taxes when they're in employment etc. As the system currently stands, i agree with that part, you pay into the pot when you have it and are supported when you dont.... then when you do have it again, you pay it back. Fair enough.

The governments latest plans are that you will now work for your benefit. Now this is where it gets tricky, so try to stick with me on this one. You will still pay into the pot and will still be supported, only now, instead of using your daytime hours to look for work, you'll have to spend them doing full time hours, unpaid work. That's right, unpaid.

Now, the government claim that it will be either community service or cooking for the elderly.... something like that.... but for those who remember, when the DWP announced the return of workfair, they said it would be for charities, yet i don't see the registerd charity numbers of Argos, Asda, Tesco etc.... all of whom took on free, unpaid workers... and then failed to recruit paid staff.... i wonder why?

So to say that this work which will apparently start as of next year will just be charitable, you can see why alot of us are going "ummm, will it?".

Next we move onto the fact that there's full time work there, yet the unemployed will be sent to do it free of charge. How about this for an idea.... IF the person is able to do the work, you stop all their benefits, and make them do the work.... PAID! I mean, how does that sound? Full time work and ok, maybe scrubbing paint off walls where theyve been vandalized isn't the best job in the world, but if i was offerd that job tomorrow, paid and full time, i'd snap their hands off to do it. The mere idea we send people to do this at A) no cost to the employer and b) no financial reward to the benefit recipiant, is beyond retarded and will force us into a futher state of financial depression.

The announcement by the government in the way they did it is yet again, trying to blame the unemployed for the state of the job market, where as, it's down to a lack of jobs, both part time and full time.... and silly government scheme's like the one announced, which is taking up paid positions by companies, because if you were an employer, who's profit margins need to grow, are you going to take on paid staff, or free staff if you can get them? Exactly, the free staff.

What we need is a BIG boost for the jobs market, it needs to be re-done. Giving companies free staff is not the way to do this.

However, it's too late.

The government have announced it and the wheels are in motion for this to become law. Which is done at a bad time really, because in 2015, the UK is sent to vote. As it currently stands, unemployment in the UK is still at a record high... meaning, the current political parties in charge (Cons' and leb dem's) have lost the votes of the unemployed.

Wise thinking on their part? Not one bit.

Wednesday, 11 September 2013

September 11th, my view.

So today is 11/09/2013 and yet again, for the 12 year running, we'll see news reports and post after post on social media saying "RIP" and of course going back to pointing the finger of blame, usually, in completely the wrong direction.

I will say this at the start though...

A) this post is going to include my opinion, not all will like it.
B) i've done my research in order to come to my opinion's.
C) i do not have an ounce of disrespect for all those who lose their lives during the incident at the world trade towers. The incident should have never happend and lessons STILL need to be learned.

Ok, onto the post then.

Where to begin?

I don't think there's a person alive, who doesn't know about what happend on september 11th 2001. It will always be one of those incidents where you remember what you were doing when you found out the news. Shocking, i think is the only way we can describe what happend that day, a world stood in awe, as we saw one plane hit, the building on fire, then, the 2nd plane hit. Then people jumping out of the buildings. Then that moment when all the noise seemed to go away, as one tower came down, followed later by the 2nd tower. We all saw the camera's move back to show us the empty space that used to be the peak of new yorks skyline.

If you ask most people about the incident itself, you will of course hear about the muslim faith, even if it's just a hint. People were lead to believe that it was muslim's who carried out these attacks and who rejoyced when the planes hit. Since that time, a few people who i know have managed to form their own opinion on what happend, and some, are very interesting in what they say.

A few years back now i signed up to a website called younow.com, it's an old format, but it was a perfect area for people to talk about politics. One night i'd come on and a friend of mine was broadcasting, with someone else and they were talking about 9/11, both of these men, i will point out, are american and white. What they were saying was absolutly incredable and backed up too. Little thing's like how the security guard on the car park for one of the towers, who was working that day, reported hearing a blast in the car park, and that was around the same time the plane hit, but couldn't have been caused by the plane. When he was interviewd by police, at the end report, what this man had said recieved no mention, infact, it was never even said that he was interviewd as a part of the process, why so?

I took it upon myself to re-look into this whole situation and even to me, some thing's don't add up.

Reguardless of this though, the one thing that still bugs me is how people point the finger of blame when it comes to 9/11. It sickens me when people place the blame at the feet of a religion, of which has millions of followers, yet very few terrorists acting under it's name.... know why? Because a terrorist doesn't act under the muslim faith. They're extremeists. People who want to cause havoc and feel that if they're extreme because of a faith, they have a reason to do what they do. They're not exclusive to the muslim faith, you can find extremeism in all faiths, note here... IRA and the westboro baptist church.

Too many people for too long have wanted to believe that america was hard done to by the muslims, when in truth.... america is actually alot worse than you may think.

I want to show you this video, it's perfect. The actor, actually sum's up the way some people are, even to this day with his comments over 9/11. But, watch out of the soldier at the end....

So today, for me, i might spend abit of time thinking about the incident at the world trade towers and of course how sad it must be to have lost a loved one in that incident, but i won't be spending time feeling sorry for america.

Look at how america's been over syria.... that's how america often is and it's time it stopped.

Friday, 30 August 2013

Love crush - bad for mental health?

It may well come as a shock to... well, some of you, that i've had a crush on someone for like... i dunno, a week or something. Now firstly, i should point out, i've had crushes before, i know what i get like. The guy who i was having the crush on knew about it and i guess must have been relieved when i told him the other night that my crush was eventually over (it honestly felt like a weight had been lifted off my shoulders), but let me tell you what's bad about a crush these days.

Ok, background on this crush.... We'd been talking for a little bit every now and then anyway, he's a different religion to me, been brought up differently etc, so it's interesting to be talking to him anyway... it just so happens that yes i think he's good looking. I don't know exactly when my crush on him started, but as soon as i recognised it, i told him.

I don't get crushes all that often and when i do have one, i tend to go into a mental battle with myself, so i'll tend to push people away from me, while i get my head sorted. Of course, my feelings during a crush on a person, are probably typical of any other crush.... you want to talk to that person all the time, you get jelous of others talking to them, you almost turn into a stalker and eventually, the feeling's stop.... or get acted upon, of which, the latter has never happend to me and i don't want them to, tbf.

This crush was a pretty bad one for me. I mean, i don't sleep at night at the best of times, neither does he, so when there's not much to do on the net, we would literally spend all night chatting away to each other about some of the most random things you could think of, and to be honest, we still do... and i love that. But where as normally, a message can be left until one of us wakes up or is next online, during my crush, i'd be checking anyway i could to see if he was online. It was crazy and not at all helped by facebook telling you when messages have been read or whatsapp telling you when a person was last on.

Because when you find out that info, it makes you question EVERY-FRICKIN-THING, who are they talking to? Have i said something wrong? Do they hate me.... etc. But this all add's up to me wondering now that i'm out of that phaze.... is it mentally healthy to have a crush?

My guess is that for me, it's not. I tend not to eat, during the "crush time" i'll skip meals, often for a day or two, while i keep checking my body out and thinking "eurgh, i'm too fat, nobody can love me like this". I'll frett over them not replying to messages. I mean, that kinda goes for all people, i really don't like being ignored on purpose, because it's just rude and no good ever comes of it. I'll check my phone or my laptop anytime i can, and when i can't, i'll not feel right because i mean, you could be missing out on that "I love you, let's get into a relationship" message that you're basically waiting for aren't you. I guess most worryingly, is that i can sometimes end up being physically sick or... from the other end, during times like this.

Yep, you got that bit right, no need to re-read it. My feelings get that intense at times that i can literally make myself ill.

Something twigged in me the other night though, it was like someone came in, picked up the weight off my shoulders and flung it to one side. I felt so much better, and still do. The worry and stress of the whole situation has gone and i literally felt wonderful. The guy who i'd had the crush on, i think i messaged over something and i just dropped it into conversation, to which i think his reply was something like "You're over me already?".... and yes, i was! :)

Now that i'm back to "normal", i still find him good looking and i still love talking to him, but if he's busy doing something else, or talking to people where one thing might lead to another, you know... i'd be happy for him, i really would, yet the week before... my god, it'd have mentally killed me... weird ain't it.

I do know, i'm not the only one who has crushes. I know i'm not the only one who's layed in bed trying to sleep, while you imagine cuddling upto that person, or them cuddling upto you. Thinking through what you'd say to them and how your relationship would be with them, but you wanna know the truth? The truth is different from the reality, relationships are hard work to make them perfect, there's fights, arguments, disagreement, awkward moments.... it's far from the fantasy a crush would have you believe.

Some might say, the truth about love is....

Saturday, 24 August 2013

What's in my head, for august anyway....

Put into simple terms for you all, apparently i'm not being the same recently and i wanted to put down all the stuff that's in my mind at the moment. There's a few reasons for me doing this but i guess the main reason is for it to give me time to get my head sorted.

I personally don't think i've been too different recently, my behaviour hasn't changed and i'm still pretty much the same, just, plodding along as per.... but what is in my head?

Well, the first thing would be the actions of the job centre of late. As i said in a previous note on here, the job centre has changed. It's gone from being a place to help you get into work, to staff picking out who's the most vulnerable and where they can save the most amount of money for the government, usually by sanctions. I'm no exemption to the rule.

I'm surrently on a 3 month sanction from the job centre, which is a period of 3 months (who'd have guessed that bit) where i recieve no job seekers allowance. Now, they claim, this is because i didn't attend an appointment with a company called i2i, who are a 3rd party company, set up to "help" the unemployed get back into work. They've not helped me at all and to this date, i'm still unemployed. Anyway, this sanction meant that i've had to apply for what's called a "hardship allowance", which is the normal jsa amount, minus 40% (Why the 40% less, i don't know). Earlier this week i was approved for it and on the coming tuesday, i'll recieve my first payment of that, after a month of nothing.

I've also had letters through relating to a sanction that the job centre applied back in april of this year. My appeal decision couldn't be changed and as a result, the case is now going to court. I've filed the paperwork to say that i will be attending and i will have a chance to put my case forward to them. This won't be happening anytime soon, the court system is full of these appeals (I guess a sign that the job centre is doing this quite alot) and as a result, i'll have to wait 8-12 weeks before being given a date to attend the court.

What else?

Oh well, this week has been one for me to worry about finances. This weekend is Manchester Pride, a few friends of mine are going on the sunday (tomorrow) and of course, no matter how much they all asked, i was too poor to go, since my account balance was 75p. A friend of mine said that he would cover the cost of me getting there and back and sent me an amount of money via paypal. Now this money cleared into my account, early hours friday morning. Straight away, there was £30 missing from that because of bank charges that had been put on earlier in the week. Then i saw a payment to a company for £25. Me not recognising the company contacted the bank and the advisor gave me some advice and refunded that payment, only he then made the mistake of saying "... but you'll have to wait about the card charge". Erm, what card charge?

See, some company had been charging my card without me knowing and now that there was some funds in my account, they took the money while they could, £65. So, i asked the bank for more details, but apparently, their system doesn't show who the funds are going to. Great isn't it, they approve payments of MY money, to go to anyone who wants it and the bank don't even know where it's going, yet somehow send it to them.... great that isn't it.

Today, i thought, screw them, i'll withdraw at a cash machine what i can and then appeal the rest when the bank is back to its normal self on tuesday (great that this all happens on a bank holiday weekend). Only, i got to the cash machine and was told that i couldn't withdraw money, due to lack of funds. WHAT? I called to be told that the bank had allowed 2 more charges to come out of my account, they don't know who it's going to, but i can speak with an advisor on tuesday who should be able to help me, although i'd have to wait for the funds to come out of my account. Oh yeah, that's another great bit of news, it still tells me online and on the phone banking, that the money is still in my account.... what a great service THAT is....

So now, i cannot go to pride, bad enough because i've already said to people that i'd go. Then, i've got to pay my friend back. I know he won't be demanding and fall out with me, but i have a sense of dread because i feel, it's the biggest kind of... theft, or something, that i could do, to this friend who's done something so kind for me. I have to pay him back anyway, because my mind is spinning with this sense of guilt and.... i feel awful.

Then of course, it turns out my father has been getting in touch with my mother. They divorced in 2001 and i've not had contact with my father since 2009 ish. I don't know if he's been asking about me, but i do know, he's not gotten in touch. He's admitted that he's homophobic, but his actions speak louder than words do.

It's not botherd me so much that he's gotten in touch with my mum, but it does bother me the way that all those years ago, he could literally not bother with me, over nothing. I've no doubt he'll have verbally dragged my name through the mud, that he'll have told people all his side of events and people will believe him. What does bother me on this though, is that it's making me ask myself questions that i've not been botherd enough to ask myself in the past.

See, my dad IS an alcoholic and a homophobic one at that. Whenever i've met up with him in the past, my sexuality has always been brought into question at one point or another. He's never been able to kind of, fully accept who i am, as a person. When it came to me not bothering to get in touch with him and him not getting in touch with me, after a while i began to move on with my life. I moved out of my mothers and did with my life what i was happy doing. Yet now i'm left with the questions, do i want to get back in touch with him? I mean, there is a chance that i could go and meet him, with my mum.. but what would be the point in that?

Then of course i'm left asking, is there a need for him in my life? How would he fit into my life and how would i fit into his. Be it, i've not got the biggest circle of friends, at the moment, all the friends i do have keep in touch on a regular basis, even if it's just a quick message every other week. Some friends are around a few times a week. Then i've got family too, i keep in touch with them quite alot when i can etc.... see, is your head starting to spin yet?

I guess these are kind of the main things that are on my mind. There's other bits where i've not been talking to people for whatever reason and although i may now be talking with them people, my head just isn't there.

Like last night, i'd been peforming at a charity party. As it's charity i wouldn't dream of charging, and, i have no money spare, so i was left with no option that walking home. The way i walk home from the venue would have taken me past a friends house, so i text her to see if she was in.... long story short, we met up and went back to her's for abit. She refused to let me walk home by myself and so called for and paid for a taxi for me.

What this all breaks down to is that something isn't right for me at the moment, alot of it boils down to a shortage of money and not enough help with it when it comes to banks and such. I know that people are doing all they can and more to help me, and i cant explain to them how greatful i am for this, but the likes of the bank giving my money away and not telling me who to.... what am i supposed to do about that?

I think it's mentally found my peak and it's a challange to try and stay afloat, given all that is spinning around in my head. Mentally, i'm drained, confused... lost, but still wanting to beat the battle as i always do.

I sit here, day dreaming, thinking about "if only i could get arrested and sent to prison for something, i'd have none of this crap to deal with" and it'd give me a break away too. There's no place for me to run to, even the voice in my head feels mentally trapped and i guess, it's one of those things that i'll do what i can when i can.

As i said though i don't think i've changed. I'm doing what i can to get by and i will, but please.... stop worrying.

Friday, 23 August 2013

Bradley manning.

The name may well be recognised by you, but from the start of this i'll just explain something. Recent media has shown that Bradley Manning is now starting treatment to change sex. Out of respect, i'll be reffering to Bradley Manning, the name, however, where i would normally use "he"i shall be using "she". This is until i know for sure what Bradley would like to be known as (different media outlets give different names). While i'm still to establish if this is true that Bradley does want to change his sex, this already is causing a stir to the public, and it is this what we address.

Bradley as some of you may well know, has been sentenced to 35 years in prison, for leaking documents to the website "Wikileaks". It is since this verdict and Bradley's imprisonment that the news of his sex change has come about on the scene.

I myself, have not had the feelings of wanting to change my sex. I'm not against people doing such a thing at all, provided it will make them feel more comfortable in their own skin, once all the proceedures are carried out.

A friend of mine, whom i won't name, is currently going through this period of time, going from female to male. I could here, write about his personality and explain to you how kind he is and how well we get along, but personality is down to the person and i think very little is actually influenced by his sex, although maybe how happy he is, may well have changed with this.

My friend has only breifly explained to me about the proceedures, i've seen some of the scars and i know from having looked into this topic, that it is a long and drawn out process.

If Bradley is just at the start of the journey, then i can only wish her luck (be it, that she'll never read this). I DO know how it feels wanting the world to know something, you're literally bursting to tell people, but you don't know how their reaction to the news will be. This is probably how Bradley will have felt for some time now and now that the case is all delt with, it's time to be honest to himself.

But how will the world cope?

Years ago, Corronation street, a british soap handled the story of someone who had been through the trans gender process and was now female. It sparked the debate. I was only young at the time, so i don't know exactly what the public reaction was, but i know that to this day, the charicter is still in the soap and has literally won a place in people's hearts, be it now though, that the charicter is being killed off as the actress who plays her would like to move into other area's of acting.

When i first saw the news about Bradley manning, i was shocked. I didn't believe it at first. It took a little while for the news to kind of sink in. Other people moved onto things like wentworth miller coming out and Bradley's case seems to have been put to "old news" now.

Some people question the whole proceedure, not understanding how that person is mentally feeling about their own sex and how it could be effecting them from day to day. If this sounds like you, then i can only say to do some research on the matter. Simply sitting, wondering, will get you nowhere. It's a perfect time for you to look into the topic and see what these people have to go through in order to be accepted for the sex change proceedure. This really isn't one of those things where you'd wake up and think "i want to be the oposite sex today".Often people will have spent alot of time thinking about this, years in many cases, wanting to be sure themselves.

I've seen it already, that people just come out of the woodwork to critique those who are going through the proceedures, or are considering it themselves. They do it with very little understanding of what people may well be thinking and in many cases, it just causes offense.

Admittedly, I am a part of the LGBT community, that's Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual and Transgender. While i might know more about the first three, i know little when it comes to transgender and transexual people. Sure, i might know more than somebody who hasn't looked into it at all, but i still feel there's more i could learn. While some people world over may well speak about their experiances and show their scars, everybody has a different story to tell and i only wish that more people would tell their story. It's how people learn. The gay community didn't make progress by being silent.

Saturday, 17 August 2013

The ES4JP form and you.

There's some confusion as to what goes into this form and what doesn't, so here's a little check in from me about how i understand it.

The reason the confusion exists is because each member of the Job Centre staff have their own version of how the form should be filled in, please also be aware that if you do not meet their standards, they will sanction you.

The ES4JP, otherwise known as "the diary" is a booklet that the job centre are supposed to hand to you, for you to keep a record of your job search activity. Some will say that you are only to fill in the job's that you have applied for, however, while the majority of jcp staff will agree with this, i have personally been sanctioned for filling in the form this way.

Other job centre staff will want you to write in all of your activities that you have undertaken (including that you took a bus, to a town, to see if jobs were available). Be warned, not all job centre staff like this, and you can be sanctioned for filling the form in this way.

The way around it?

Fill in all the details. If you applied for a job on a website, put in that you checked the website to find work, then as a seperate entry, put in that you applied for.... whatever job it was that you applied for.

If you can, aim to fill in one of these booklets each time you go in and make sure your back is coverd, this way, no member of staff can say that you are doing it wrong, as all the info they want will be in the booklet.

Note with this booklet though, if you ask different staff in your job centre for advice on how to fill in this booklet, you will get told different answers, which is why i say to put everything in. Welcome to job searching in 2013, wasn't tough enough looking for work anyway? The ES4JP will help make it harder :)

Tuesday, 13 August 2013

My Story - The email.

Today, i recieved a letter off the jobcentre, which informed me that as of 2 weeks ago, i was no longer entitled to any benefit money for the next 3 months.

Because of this, i tried to complain to the job centre itself, only to have the sanction proceedure explained to me over and over again, yet not 1 person took down any complaint details.

fter abit of digging tonight, i found the email address for the ministers of the department for work and pensions (They basically run the job centre). Below is what i sent them.

There has been no reply to this.

Dear sir / madam, whoever finds themselves reading this.
I write to you not wishing to complain, not wishing for sympathy, but just to explain to you my story with the wild fantansy playing out in my head that it creates the changes i know that will not happen any time soon.
My name is Kevin and i live in Skelmersdale, which is a poor town located just outside of liverpool.
My story begin's almost two years ago now, when i was told that as i had been seeking work for over 9 months, i was to be going onto the work programme at a private company outside of the job centre, which would help me get into work faster and provide me with qualifications which would improve my chances for work.
I was told that in order to carry on recieveing benefit, i had to sign up, no alternatives.
I of course signed up and attended when i was asked to by i2i, which is one of these 3rd party providers. They would bring me in for endless meetings, in which people would say to us "yes, the job market is hard at the moment, we know that", to which everytime people would always reply saying "Yes, so do we". Time went on and i felt myself being distanced from the course that i was apparently on, i felt that sitting for 2 hours a week infront of a computer looking for jobs, was something i was doing at home on a daily basis anyway, that i was actually getting no help.
I was told one week that i would be contacted and told when to next come in. Within a few weeks, i recieved a letter off the job centre, asking me for my reasons for not attending an appointment with i2i. I hadn't been told of any appointment. No phone calls, no letters, no emails.... nothing, yet i2i have all of my details.
Of course, whoever it was in the job centre, decided that i must have recieved a letter, and i was sanctioned for 1 month. During this month, i had no money for water, electricity, food... anything. My electric meter was on a prepayment key and as i had no money to top it up, i had to spend some nights with no electric, no hot water to even get a wash in. Is that really fair?
I only mention of this to you because the exact same thing has happend again, only now i am expected to last 3 months. Luckily for me this time, i had my electric meter changed, so i'll just have to get into more debt. This is a 3 month sanction straight after a 1 month sanction, because an advisor said i wasn't looking for work, because i'd been told to fill a form in wrong, the way i had been filling in the form was the same way i always had done, yet this 1 advisor didn't like it and i was sanctioned. In effect, i'll now be having to go through a 4 month sanction, minus the part where i recieved 1 payment of £140 something, which was spent on food, luckily, buying in advance, since i now know what the motive is now at the job centre plus.
See, years ago, the job centre used to want to help people get into work, I used to feel that when i was signing on that the advisors were there to help me. This feeling has now long gone, everytime i arrive, with my paperwork filled in, my heart will start racing and i will feel sick, because i know it's only a matter of time before an advisor turns around and will sanction me over the slightest thing.
Now that i'm going through yet another sanction and understanding that the government thinks it is ok for me to be living on nothing, getting into debt in order to put food in my mouth, i cannot explain to you how low i feel.
I have never in my life felt so offended by something. I simply did not recieve a letter, and yet because of this, i have to live with nothing until october.
My cubards are already empty as it is, i already owe on my water bill and my electricity account will now go overdue and i face being cut off and with charges being put on. I face high charges because to make it through the last sanction, i had to take out loans in order to get by, these will go unpaid and will now get daily charges put on them.
My life feels like it is in ruins, i'm 25 and mentally, i feel that i cannot cope with this world anymore. The chances of me finding work are already slim to none and yet thanks to the place that is supposed to help me find work, i'm becoming a growing number of people in the UK who are beyond poverty.
I have complained to the job centre plus, they simply explained to me about sanctions, no complaint paperwork was filled in, no details taken. Exactly what am i to do?
I find out that ministers in this country can claim what i have to live on per week, they can have per day on a meal, one meal? And here's me having to make that same money stretch out over a week.
I have completely lost my faith in politics in the UK, not 1 political party isn't calling for the harsher treatment of those who aren't in work, yet, i cannot help being out of work. Im not provided help, but simply sanctioned because im a burdon to the tax payer.
Thank you for reading this, i understand it is long, but i can only try to give you this bit of insite into my world because i have nobody or nowhere that i can vent and someone will even take the time to read, let alone care.

Friday, 9 August 2013

Being poor, the reality.

Being poor is something that most of us all recently claim to be as we struggle to make ends meet, yet i don't think that some people really know what being poor actually means, so, here's my version.

Being poor means that you have to shop on a tight budget.
Being poor means that you stand at the checkout rattling numbers in your head, mentally screaming that you can't afford to go over your budget.
Being poor means that even though you want to put the heating on because you can see your breath, you have to stick an extra layer of clothing on.
Being poor means that even though you have a common cold, theres no medacine you can afford to buy.
Being poor means that you turn every bit of electric off when you can.
Being poor means that you don't get out to see much of the world.
Being poor means you're left behind.

Being poor means no matter how hard you try, somebody will look down on you.
Being poor means you daren't allow your love life to develop.
Being poor means that you constantly worry.
Being poor means you need help.

The UK government keep claiming that they need to and will be tougher on people who are out of work. We, unemployed people, can't have savings, we cannot work overtime, we are some of the poorest people in the UK, looked down upon by the masses.

Being poor means you need others to understand.

Tuesday, 30 July 2013

A town devided, for the sake of what?

I've made it no secret to say that i live in a town called Skelmersdale. A breif history would tell you that the town was majorly built up in the 60's / 70's as extra housing was needed because of an overflow problem in Liverpool.

These days, the town might aswel sit abandoned for all is has to offer the majority of people in the area. A shopping centre that's half closed, a supermarket shop which is fastly out-pricing itself from what the locals can afford and.... no wait, that's it.

Unless you like to drink petrol or go and walk for miles looking at the same tree's day and in and day out, then this town has little to offer you, so of course people will try new things, including drugs.

As i've also said before, i'm pro choice when it comes to drugs. I would like to see nothing more than all drugs made legal, leaving people to try them if they wanted to.

Recently, this town has been turned upside down and the police operate one of their new missions to try and tackle people growing drugs and supplying them. While the police can rub their hands together with glee that their new mission has been sucsessful and how they'll do the same again in future, they neglect to give a shit about what the rest of the town think.

Firsty, i'd like to ask what i think is a simple question here.... when on earth do you need a helicopter to do a drugs raid on a house? That's what alot of the town were left asking when for 30 mins to an hour, the town was woken up to the sound of police helicopters in the sky, at about 1am.

This, after a day of seeing police crawling all over the town in riot vans, cars and on horse back. Again, later that night my friend told me of how she'd seen more riot vans pulled up on a local car park and thought it was an odd sight. When she leaves she text's to say about the amount of police she's seen on her way home and then.... well then we got the helicopter out and facebook starts to fill up with reports of roads being closed off and police breaking into houses, waking up local residents etc.

This of course is not like me you may be asking, normally i'm supportive of the police and don't get me wrong, i still am, i just feel that if you're going to do a drugs raid around houses where small children are trying to sleep, then probably, 1am isn't your best time to strike. Yes i understand there's got to be the element of suprise, but really, 1am? and you want residents to be fine with this?

Since then of course, there's been more drama where the police have gone and i cant expain my joy about having to walk around big piles of horse shit thats left all over the path ways.... did i say joy? I meant utter disgust.

See, usually, be it that i don't live in the best area of the town, i do still feel fine when walking around at night, but yet now, i don't, funnily enough. Sure there's riot vans and police cars driving around and during the day theres all these horses and such, but it seems alot of people are on edge about the recent action.... why?

There's a company called dial-a-crate which operates in the area, so if you're having a drink at home and you run of out vodka or wine, you can call up dial-a-crate and they'll bring you what you need. They a few times have had problems with the police recently, police are stopping random cars and wanting to carry out searches etc, to the point that dial-a-crate actually stopped operating one night because it was happening that often.

This town isn't great at the best of times, but with the actions carried out by the police recently, it's felt worse. I personally wouldn't have minded if one of my neighbours were growing drugs, what harm would it have been doing to neighbours?

Only problem is now though, is that because several canabis farms have closed... more will open in their place....

Monday, 29 July 2013

Were we right about the pope after all?

In what is basically some magical type of news, the pope, pope francis has said "who am i to judge gay people".

Quite honestly, i'm in shock. Really, i am, and i don't even follow the faith.

I'm shocked because for as long back as i can remember, the pope and the vatican have shown no love to gay people, they've called us fit to burn over the years.... then this happens.

I'm happy about it of course i am, i mean, it's the pope after all, surely it'll now shut up his little people who around the world come to condem us publicly as gay people.

See, in calling the gays fit to burn over the years, the church has lost ALOT of followers, i still know people who reserve judgement on this pope because they don't want to fall into the trap of thinking "he'll be the one to bring about change" and then be let down, as has happend with alot of pope's before francis.

I knew something was different about this pope as soon as i first saw him. I knew he was from a rather different background to other popes and seemed to be more on a level with people. Within a few weeks of him being in power, something had changed aswel, that was noticeable.....

See, gone are the days of the red carpet and big golden chairs along with all the bling. This pope is more down to earth in alot of ways.... then he comes out with todays comment of "who am i to judge the gays" and i get to being stunned like i am.

Now, don't be getting fooled at all. Just because the pope has said it, it doesn't mean that the faith has completely changed, it doesn't mean that everyone in the faith is all of a sudden going to ask themselves "well, who am i to judge".... BUT, it does mean the change LGBT people need from the church is on it's way, but as we've seen, change takes a while to come through.

People i've seen on social media question this move and say "why the gays". Let us not forget, the vatican and previous popes have supported black segregation, the slave trade, diss-allowing people to marry based on the colour of their skin.... yet has changed. While religions can be slow to catch up, change does happen in all of them eventually. My only question i'm left with now is.... how much can this pope change the vatican's stance on the modern day world?

Friday, 26 July 2013

The LGBT problems in Russia.

Firstly with this post, i'm more than aware it can be seen world-wide, including Russia itself. If you are LGBT and living in russia, then please remember, it WILL get better. What Putin is doing is wrong, we all know it, as do the political figures around the world. Eventually they will apply pressure and long story short... it WILL get better.

For some of you, i presume you will not have seen what has been happening in Russia, since western media seems ok to let these incidents slip by without comment or report. For the rest of us on social media who feel sickend and want to create change, we have a slightly harder battle, but one that will be won either way, when it comes to not only bringing about awareness of this to people, but bringing enough people together on this topic to create change.

Some of you may well have read the following story. If you don't wish to read it, then please skip through it, it doesn't make for a pleasent read, yet this is the reality for LGBT people now living in Russia.

"President Putin’s crusade against LGBT community in Russia took a new disturbing turn.
Russian Neo Nazis have been advised by a top-ranking supremacist to create fake profiles on a popular Russian social network, VK.com, and lure in gay male teenagers in order to torture and humiliate them for being gay.
Spectrum Human Rights Alliance reports:
Infamous Russian ultra-nationalist and former skin head, Maxim Martsinkevich, known under the nickname “Cleaver” (or “Tesak” in Russian) spearheaded a country wide campaign against LGBT teens using a popular social network VK.com to lure unsuspected victims through personal ads. Mr. Martsinkevich’s numerous and enthusiastic followers started two projects: “Occupy Pedophilyaj” and “Occupy Gerontilyaj”. Allegedly they are trying to identify and report pedophiles using these “movements”. In reality, over 500 online groups have been created inside VK.com social network in order to organize illegal militant groups in every Russian city. Oddly enough their idea of fighting pedophiles targets exclusively male teenagers who respond to the same-sex personal ads and show up for a date. Captured victims are bullied and often tortured while being recorded on video.

These self-proclaimed “crime fighters” perform their actions under the broad day light, often outside and clearly visible to general public that indifferently passes by or even commend them. Video recordings of bullying and tortures are freely distributed on the Internet in order to out LGBT teens to their respective schools, parents and friends. Many victims were driven to suicides, the rest are deeply traumatized. So far Russian police took no action against these “movements” even though Russian criminal code was clearly violated and despite numerous complaints from parents, victims and LGBT activists. Social network VK.com intermittently shuts down selected groups and profiles only to allow them to be re-open on the next day. Currently, the founder of VK.com, Pavel Durov, resides in the US and so far has not released any comments."
Sickening right?
Keep in mind, this is only what we have found out, there IS much worse than this happening in Russia. Now do you see why i started off this post with a positive message?
Politically speaking, President Putin has rolled his country's laws back many a year, infact, he probably wouldn't suprise many people if he rolled them back abit futher to include actions like this to black people, and nobody would think twice.
Yet, we do.
We are LGBT and as much as not everybody would like to admit it, we are a community, or family, to use an older phraze. It is time that we stood up and made our voices heard, which is why later this afternoon, i'll be recording abit on youtube about this topic. *Update, it got recorded....*

It does also raise the question, is putin gay? I mean lets face it, some people do go to incredable lengths to try and cover their sexuality up, including starting hate groups of their own, or conversion groups, where they believe they can convert gay people to being straight. Anybody remember Alan Chambers? He was the leader of Exodus International (which has since been closed) which claimed to be able to change people's sexuality. Alan claimed to have a "change of heart" in his closing statement, in which, he basically came out the closet, and to this day, i don't think is welcomed into the gay community. So, what about putin? Is it possible that he is creating these laws in order to hide his own sexuality?
So, can anything be done?
Signitures are being collected by Allout.org. You can find details of that by clicking here. If you make content for youtube, make a video about it, if you blog, blog about it, if you have a facebook, spread the news....
Let's not sit by and let this carry on happening. As MLK once said, it is not the words of our enemies we remember, but the silence of our friends.
Are you silent?

Thursday, 25 July 2013

The just-eat video

Ok well, i presume by now, probably a few readers of this will have already seen the video that me and Ian did, if not, have a look....

So i'd like to tell you all the little story behind it....

See, a few weeks ago, the Bev & Ian official page was opend up on Facebook and we managed to get a few likes (to tell the truth, we got more likes than we expected at first). I knew this was a step in the right direction as it gives us an area to post our own matereal and help us to carry on entertaining the people who like us when we weren't on a video.

Of course, Bev & Ian works as any other blog on youtube would, we need views so as we can expand our audience.

I decided one night to post on the wall of online take away company Just-eat.co.uk. I asked if me and Ian could get some freebies if we mentioned just-eat in a video. Their staff commented back that they didn't just give stuff away, that we'd have to do more in order to get some.... So my reply? "What about if we do it naked, wearing chef hats".... the challange was on!

2 weeks later and the chef hats had arrived and so filming began.

We arranged the living room how we wanted to have it set up for the video and got ready. The idea at first was just to have ian saying the first line or two, then we would film an extra part to cut away to, so he'd say "we've all had hunger problems at some point, i know i have" then i would be edited in, holding a knife close to ian's face and say "give us all your food" and he'd scream.. We filmed it, but something just wasn't right with it.

We watched a longer version of the orig advert we were doing a parody of and re-wrote the script. Here's what the orig advert was like....

We moved the camera over to the chair and Ian began filming his segment again with the new script, we then moved the camera back a little bit and did the part where ian gets up and walks towards the camera.

Next was where i was in.... and my god, i couldn't remember any of my lines, it was awful!!!

So the camera moved around to me and i began filming away for my two lines (which alone, took about 5 minutes to film). We moved the camera to it's final scene and began to film that part, of course getting our words mixed up too!

Now not alot of people know this, but as soon as we finished filming that video, we got changed back into our normal clothes and filmed another video straight away! When both video's were filmed we then began to edit the just-eat video. We literally couldn't stop laughing at it all the way through editing and i knew we were onto something good here.

As soon as it was all edited, we uploaded it to youtube and for our view count, it exploded.

Not as in, millions of views, but when the adverage video view count currently stands at about 50 views, it's a big deal when one overnight gets 166 views.

I can't begin to explain to you just how much fun we really do have filming these video's and to see how much they're enjoyed by others just add's to the fun of it all. :)