tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-66895045344914428312024-03-16T01:12:10.023+00:00Life With BevThe written blog to go with the video blog on YouTube. Based on all thing's to do with Bev!BevLivehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15412592445482894288noreply@blogger.comBlogger207125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6689504534491442831.post-53386494349453605652023-07-18T17:49:00.006+01:002023-07-18T17:49:43.530+01:00I am a work in progress, and always will be.<p> Alcohol addiction treatment is something different than what I have ever gone through. While I have learned about myself and others, the realisation hit me the other day that I may never really know myself. I am, after all, going to be in recovery for the rest of my life.</p><p><br /></p><p><span> My journey began at the end of last year and I, next week, will be completing the 2nd part of my recovery and as I sit and type this i am beginning my 3rd part of treatment, but this one is done virtually via zoom, so i can do it from home and as it begins at 6pm, yes, i am doing this in my PJ's. </span><br /></p><p><span><br /></span></p><p><span> This 3rd part can only be done when you are not drinking, 1 drink and I, or anyone else in this group, will be removed and have to apply again at some point in the future, so I cannot afford to balls this up. The pressure is kind of on, but, remaining sober is the only way forward for me, and so far, i am enjoying the change in my life. </span><br /></p>BevLivehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15412592445482894288noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6689504534491442831.post-6217721499447540722023-02-28T13:12:00.000+00:002023-02-28T13:12:59.129+00:00Becoming Sober (Being an alcoholic)<p> I know it has been a long time since I have written on here, but life hasn't been too good for me for a while now and while it is completely my fault, It's still currently a battle. </p><p><br /></p><p>Around a year ago now I'd guess it was, but life stopped being fun. I noticed in myself that I was drinking more than usual and more often. The issue was for me, having nothing to do, too much time on my hands and seeing alcohol as a way to pass the time. Around my birthday last year (2022) I decided that I should start looking up help to become sober. Not long after, like, a few days i think it was, but my brother confronted me over text saying that i had a drinking problem and that i needed to get help, rather than deny it or pass it off as another angry message from him, it got me and i admitted it out loud for the first time ever. </p><p><br /></p><p>It's a difficult thing to do, actually saying that you have a problem. It's also very scary to realize you have a problem. I made the choice to seek out help by reaching out to a service in my local area that supports people having issues with drugs and alcohol. I think the service was called inspire, but then they re-branded or something... long story short, i got signed up.</p><p><br /></p><p>The first thing they did with me was to go through a triage assessment, which determined what kind of a drinker i was (turns out, binge) and any other habits i have etc. Then comes the options for treatment. Did i need to go to a rehab facility? Would it be best to go to group therapy etc. The answer kind of shocked me to be honest. </p><p><br /></p><p>We decided that i would be best to do group therapy. One of them where you think it's everyone in a big circle sat around doing the whole "My names Bev and i'm an alcoholic", yeah, one of them. I was called by the host of these meetings and i was given my start date.</p><p><br /></p><p>I guess technically it is within walking distance of where i live, but it is one hell of a walk which i only managed a few times because the chaffing would cripple me for the rest of the week! Anyway, my first day, i turn up and I am a big sweaty mess, but, I'm early so i have time to grab a few cups of water and dry myself off with the free tissues they have out in reception. Eventually me and some others are sent through to this other room where the meeting is held and it's not at all what i thought it was going to be. It's a big table with chairs around the edge, free tea and coffee and everyone is just talking about normal things. </p><p><br /></p><p>The meeting starts and as i'm the newbie i'm given an introduction into how things go at the meetings, what we discuss, what sort of topics we learn etc. The breakdown basically is that we have a catch up at the start of the meeting, which is where one by one we speak about how the previous week has been, if you have had a drink it's fine, but why did you have a drink etc. Once everyone has spoken there's a 10 minute break so you can get yourself another cup of tea, or go and have a cigarette outside etc, then when everyone is around the table again it's time to learn. The learning is very informal though, you are welcome to actively join in with the topic and how you can relate to it etc. After say, 50 mins, it's home time. </p><p><br /></p><p>I didn't think i would do well in these sorts of meetings to be honest, but I do enjoy them, it gets me out of the house, and helps me to socialise, to speak, learn etc. </p><p><br /></p><p>My next steps currently are to start putting things into place for the long term, after all, i will be an alcoholic for life and i will always need support and a network of people i can reach out to. So that might be joining local AA meetings, or some other kind of recovery program, because at the same time, i'll then have a support network for life. </p><p><br /></p><p>The journey is tough though, I cant lie, it's a battle like i've never fought before. It's still scary and at the same time it's exciting knowing that theres going to be a better tomorrow for me.</p>BevLivehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15412592445482894288noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6689504534491442831.post-9308674563123131922022-01-13T19:34:00.000+00:002022-01-13T19:34:07.055+00:00Bye Wife, I Guess...<p> <span> I can't quite believe that it is almost 2 years since i last wrote on here. 2 years and what a different world we live in. When we first went into lockdown i didn't really think i would change that much, sure, i expected to find fun in new things, maybe even pick up a hobby or two, yet, i still find myself shocked at how much i personally am feeling the change.</span></p><p><span><br /></span></p><p><span><span> I write here though, today, with my mindset feeling better than it has done in a while and certainly my anxiety is feeling less, yet, i'm not supposed to feel like this. You may ask, what happened?</span><br /></span></p><p><span><span><br /></span></span></p><p><span> Many moons ago as people who know me can verify, i became friends with a girl named Sian when we both worked in KFC. Over the years we basically became like a married couple until one day when we were bickering about something, and i remember Sian messaged me and said "I can't do this anymore, i'm done" and blocked me in every way she could. We both moved on in life and everything seemed great, i got a new flat and moved etc. Now, my memory has faded a bit but we ended up back in touch, actually met up twice too! Things were never the same though, i don't know what it was, but things just felt different, like we couldn't be ourselves around each other, and rather quickly contact was dropped. </span><br /></p><p><span><br /></span></p><p><span><span> During the lockdowns i began to use my social media more, posting video's of stuff from my Youtube, tagging people etc, and everyone seemed to be responding as expected tbh. One friend i had gotten back in touch with was Ian, remember him from the Bev & Ian video's? Well, we were messaging and then he went through a horrible time in his life because of things that happened, but i tried to be a good friend, but weirdly contact went to nothing. Every now and again i'd get a few messages off him and we would have a catch up, which was nice. One night i messaged him a picture of Sian's baby and said "Don't you think she looks like Paul?" who is a person all 3 of us know for various reasons, but i don't think any of us are in contact with anymore. However, it was a joke, but Ian was going through his no contact bit again, so i didn't mind. </span><br /></span></p><p><span><span><br /></span></span></p><p><span><span><span> Last night i quite late on got a message off Sian to say that she had seen the message in person so i can't deny i sent it, and that although her partner found it funny, she didn't and now, what little respect she had for me has now gone and to not talk about her or her baby again. She then blocked me on everything while i spent time trying to think "What message?". I then remembered that the only thing i had said about Sian was the baby joke to Ian. </span><br /></span></span></p><p><span><span><span><br /></span></span></span></p><p><span><span><span><span> Then, i saw why he had gone quiet with me. </span><br /></span></span></span></p><p><span><span><span><span><br /></span></span></span></span></p><p><span><span><span><span><span> So, i've removed Ian from my social media and i've also blocked Sian too, so if she changes her mind in the future, oh well, she can't. Weirdly though, i'm not bothered about this. If you can't take a joke then fine, but it's the thought that these two have been in touch (Ian also has his own business, so it's possible they have met in person) and spoken about me and probably gone into detail about how they're glad they no longer talk to me etc. Not going to lie, that bit actually makes me laugh, to think, i'm obviously living in their heads rent free at the moment. </span><br /></span></span></span></span></p><p><span><span><span><span><span><br /></span></span></span></span></span></p><p><span><span><span><span><span><span> Why isn't this bothering me though? I've spent today driving around asking myself the same thing. To be honest i think it's a relief now not having to worry about what others are thinking of me, thinking i'll have to be the first one to get in touch or i'll be seen as the bad friend... well, no more. Lockdown has taught me that i prefer animals over humans anyway and i am over the idea of having friends tbh, i'd rather sit at home, doing what i want, rather than worrying about what others are thinking. </span><br /></span></span></span></span></span></p><p><span><span><span><span><span><span><br /></span></span></span></span></span></span></p><p><span><span><span><span><span><span>So, goodbye Wifey, the friendship was a roller coaster and we held on for the ride, but i'm glad it's gotten back into the station and we can get off and go our seperate ways. It was fun, but, oh well, bye.</span></span></span></span></span></span></p>BevLivehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15412592445482894288noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6689504534491442831.post-49209249489895734322020-04-30T02:58:00.001+01:002020-04-30T02:58:35.237+01:00The mind wonders about Hi De Hi.This started a while ago when I fell in love with the old TV show called Hi De Hi.<div><br></div><div>For those who don't know, it's a fictional holiday camp where you follow the entertainments team over 2 seasons and all of their goings on. It's hilarious even to this day. It had a charm about it, an innocence if you will.</div><div><br></div><div>I became bored for some time on Grindr and changed my entire profile to be that of Peggy Ollerenshaw the chalet maid. Yes you'd get men wanting sex (she was played by a very young sue pollard so they can't be blamed) but some people got the joke and would inbox me asking how my day was, usually I'd reply with some random statement saying about Mr fairbrother and how he was going to get me another interview to become a yellow coat. Some people however didn't get the humour, they thought Peggy was real. They actually thought I was a cleaner working on a holiday Park in Clacton-on-sea (a place which doesn't exist).</div><div><br></div><div>Around that time I gave my mind the freedom to wonder, what ever happened to the characters after the last episode when they all went their separate ways, knowing yellow coats were a thing of the past. Here's where my mind took me....</div><div><br></div><div><b>Maplins Holiday Camps. </b></div><div><b><br></b></div><div>Maplins is no more, unfortunately. For about 3 years after the yellow coats left people would return, but they stopped coming. The first season with no yellow coats was awful, people just didn't know they weren't there. They'd ask the staff "where is Ted?", but nobody really knew. The parks did change though, self catering became their way, meaning the dining hall sat empty for a year or so, until Joe managed to get some cheap arcade games, he stuck them in there and encouraged everyone to try their luck. Entertainment wise, well day time became dull, there was the pool and a little bit of a park, but that was it. In the evening the new head of entertainment would introduce the band and the dancing would begin, only to be interupted by an act at about 9pm. The acts might have been comedy or a singer, but nothing amazing.</div><div><br></div><div>Joe eventually after 4 years sold Maplins for a pretty penny, the new company kept the branding and even brought back the yellow coats, but by then the damage was done, people weren't interested in what they saw as "old" fun and the parks soon closed their doors for good.</div><div><br></div><div><b>Ted Bovis. </b></div><div><b><br></b></div><div>The man, the Legend. He gave most of his life to Maplins, certainly helped the company and site out a number of times over the years. Ted went from strength to strength after leaving, he released an LP of "holiday hits" which went down a storm and even became number 1 in the UK charts. He presented a TV series on a Saturday night for about 2 years and he thought everything was great. He did go back to Maplins, once a week in its final season as a special guest. He would often remark about how things used to be at the site and how it could never go back to how it was. Ted went on to have a new wife and the two of them toured an act together until their dying days.</div><div><br></div><div><b>Spike Dixon. </b></div><div><b><br></b></div><div>Being the funny man for 2 long seasons took its toll on Spike. He left the company feeling sure about his future, only to find out that it wasn't all it was cracked up to be. He married April which was lovely, but after 2 children and calling time on his comedy career his marriage fell apart and he went back to the usual 9 to 5 job. He always wanted to make people smile, many say he was the highlight of the office day, which he liked, because it hid his deep depression which he developed after becoming bored of his routine but finding no way out.</div><div><br></div><div><b>Peggy Ollerenshaw. </b></div><div><br></div><div>Ah Peggy, there's nobody quite like her is there! She did indeed stay on at Maplins right until the company closed its doors, I think with the hope that she would once again become a yellow coat, but alas, she never did. Once the company closed she returned home and began taking any work she could. She did eventually find her path in life however, she worked in promotions for various companies and could often be found on high street corners shouting about special offers and getting into trouble for trying to get everyone involved in what she was doing. She was always great for business.</div><div><br></div><div><b>Yvonne / Julian. </b></div><div><b><br></b></div><div>They left Maplins with their eyes on the prize of a new start in Australia and they really did do it! They made their way over and set up a dance school, teaching people the art of the ballroom dance. They kept their grace and professionalism at all times, they even won some awards, not for dancing, but things like "dance school of the year" and such. Those certificates are still shown today in the family home, as they have since both retired from dancing and now they merely rub shoulders with the rich and famous.</div><div><br></div><div><b>Glad / Clive. </b></div><div><b><br></b></div><div>That famous voice of the announcements at Maplins and he, the squadron leader both went on to... Well actually they just ran the zoo at his father's estate. They did introduce new things like rides and tours etc, but nothing could get in the way of their love, it was always cute seeing the two of them together. They eventually retired in Wales and enjoyed walks around the countryside with fresh fish and chips.</div><div><br></div><div><br></div><div><br></div><div><br></div><div><br></div><div><br></div><div>And that's it. That's as far as my brain would wonder. It never happened as above, that's all what my brain thought of. The show however did become a musical on stage shows, but is best remembered for being on TV. The cast have since had several reunions and in one they even returned to the site where they filmed the show, it's now a housing estate, but do you remember them really tall trees by the pool? They're still there to this day! </div><div><br></div><div>The show will forever be, in my eyes, one of the best shows ever made. I'd love for there to be a modern version, but I think I might be alone in that.</div>BevLivehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15412592445482894288noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6689504534491442831.post-88414649785934452052020-04-26T22:33:00.001+01:002020-04-26T22:33:43.223+01:00The fine lineThere's a fine line between life and death that we don't often talk about.<div><br></div><div>Like tonight on my road where I live. I live on a corner, down one side tonight there was a community party, 20 minutes of party dances and games, but on the other side there was 2 private ambulances which for those who don't know, they collect dead bodies.</div><div><br></div><div>Later in the evening there was 3 private ambulances along with 6 staff, 4 police and the fire brigade, all masked up because of the covid outbreak. </div><div><br></div><div>I don't know what caused the whole crew to turn up for a death, but for a while I felt as if I was in the middle between life and death. Life being the party, people making the most out of a bad situation we currently find ourselves in, while meters away death has happened. I questioned a few times if the party should go ahead, was it disrespectful to whomever had passed away for the whole neighbourhood to have a party, or was it right? Was it a sign that life goes on.</div><div><br></div><div>It's a difficult call really, I suppose there's no right or wrong answer. I remember after my Nana had passed away that I had to get the message through into my mind that life does go on. At times I could almost hear my Nana's voice saying "Stop being stupid, it's only me, go and do something". I guess the whole situation in my head over tonight comes down to personal preference.</div><div><br></div><div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgKImF3iaLhnTFQdMcM54R3vuz2wXw_-nVSIR-l0Ln4w_JD6ah-M6IEv2XgMy5lbl1JdFCq2NwPTuYYtolkqUDYCyH5-P_W-Kuik45Y_w_4L1Lg-yWWVR8hMEe2CQKPdGxvSJX6URhAHq0/s1600/1587936817076988-0.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;">
<img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgKImF3iaLhnTFQdMcM54R3vuz2wXw_-nVSIR-l0Ln4w_JD6ah-M6IEv2XgMy5lbl1JdFCq2NwPTuYYtolkqUDYCyH5-P_W-Kuik45Y_w_4L1Lg-yWWVR8hMEe2CQKPdGxvSJX6URhAHq0/s1600/1587936817076988-0.png" width="400">
</a>
</div><br></div><div>I like to think whoever it was that passed away knows the party wasn't celebrating their leaving, infact most of the neighbours didn't even know what was happening as they couldn't see anything. Should life take presidence over death, or does death command that life stops, if only for a moment?</div><div><br></div><div>I guess that is up to you...</div>BevLivehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15412592445482894288noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6689504534491442831.post-52008537530839439762020-02-10T02:40:00.001+00:002020-02-10T02:40:09.243+00:00Dropping the N-word on Twitter...Well, my Twitter became a "fun" place to be over the past few days. Currently I'm still serving a 1 week ban, not for my original tweet (which twitter has no problem with despite it having been reported hundreds of times), but because of a reply I made to one of the hundreds of abusive users which decided to contact me over the past few days.<div><br></div><div>Where did it all begin?</div><div><br></div><div>Well, the tweet basically made the point that the N-word is basically the straight version of Queer, a word which has been used for decades as a derogatory term and how queer hasn't been reclaimed, it isn't a sexuality. </div><div><br></div><div><b>I still very much stand by this point.</b></div><div><b><br></b></div><div>However, a white person using the N-word stirred up a lot of hatred. Several users saw about it being the 1 year since passing of my Nana, and hoped that she was "resting in piss" or "burning in hell". I got told I should be murdered, burned alive, beaten, made disabled and much, much more.</div><div><br></div><div>Although hundreds of people got in touch with me over the tweet, thousands of people saw the tweet and didn't bother getting in touch - more than likely because they don't care.</div><div><br></div><div>A large chunk of people told me I was a white supremacist and racist for even typing the word, then went on to say I shouldn't use it.</div><div><br></div><div><i>A white person shouldn't use the word</i>.</div><div><br></div><div>Let's swap that sentence for a second here...</div><div><br></div><div><i>A black person shouldn't use the word.</i></div><div><i><br></i></div><div>Many of you reading that would assume the 2nd one is racist there, but actually, BOTH sentences are racist. It is telling people, based on the colour of their skin, that they cannot use a certain word. However, many people refused to see the racism in the first sentence, some even going as far as saying "it isn't possible to be racist to a white person".</div><div><br></div><div>What else did I face? Let's see...</div><div><br></div><div>3 of my friends were contacted through Facebook with messages like this...</div><div><br></div><div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj0I8PM3TXyzc07J6pptAy-O8xc6EPsNNP4ZtYm2FunXoi_pJzrvHpVaYGQmPRPZt7h_X4JXPQzp1IB06vPNNZNumaNkq2bPIddatwBRV_FGzSZw82ukC3copTcPSKDNJXEXgTuRqyzGmc/s1600/1581302404091445-0.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;">
<img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj0I8PM3TXyzc07J6pptAy-O8xc6EPsNNP4ZtYm2FunXoi_pJzrvHpVaYGQmPRPZt7h_X4JXPQzp1IB06vPNNZNumaNkq2bPIddatwBRV_FGzSZw82ukC3copTcPSKDNJXEXgTuRqyzGmc/s1600/1581302404091445-0.png" width="400">
</a>
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEibXSAuMMWV8_ZK7YnPFIYxCyXYVZ9KukkYQ5n1H6qyFCCXfyK_fH3CInTke_-p26ysN9lLPkMX_ykYfHSm9IXNcVGLgCc1mq-h0v26cXnAyxSZoi1x5N1JspP123URajrwynoM-y_gXOQ/s1600/1581302400883371-1.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;">
<img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEibXSAuMMWV8_ZK7YnPFIYxCyXYVZ9KukkYQ5n1H6qyFCCXfyK_fH3CInTke_-p26ysN9lLPkMX_ykYfHSm9IXNcVGLgCc1mq-h0v26cXnAyxSZoi1x5N1JspP123URajrwynoM-y_gXOQ/s1600/1581302400883371-1.png" width="400">
</a>
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi5_LcoraoF8EiA9_BrDdVB4YTN6kJ_gfBli_jLaodhMkoze1VC03XlRx-QfgvmBDkSHIuEmcp9sVJW-pB3RH2-fUk6jsW34pPr1og-fDNKyASB09FYwVhJjnBx4L28EpY0jHxIwwxiBu0/s1600/1581302397803429-2.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;">
<img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi5_LcoraoF8EiA9_BrDdVB4YTN6kJ_gfBli_jLaodhMkoze1VC03XlRx-QfgvmBDkSHIuEmcp9sVJW-pB3RH2-fUk6jsW34pPr1og-fDNKyASB09FYwVhJjnBx4L28EpY0jHxIwwxiBu0/s1600/1581302397803429-2.png" width="400">
</a>
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiJjLkv4A5pbdKU8A5PWxPqQu6Rq6-IP8u4-DGBYC2EkbcWkGUJ8xU3MQ9Os8mT-FztsMMEcP9hKVLMk77OjhPybf5uclTF6rYfg266pGJtP887xlDi6S4Iv_mKIffJ1HDYHP3kOqo-sdw/s1600/1581302394345652-3.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;">
<img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiJjLkv4A5pbdKU8A5PWxPqQu6Rq6-IP8u4-DGBYC2EkbcWkGUJ8xU3MQ9Os8mT-FztsMMEcP9hKVLMk77OjhPybf5uclTF6rYfg266pGJtP887xlDi6S4Iv_mKIffJ1HDYHP3kOqo-sdw/s1600/1581302394345652-3.png" width="400">
</a>
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEioytNnMYPMlug4AocapBe5pBFJ9sdcs0NGFi9f8MojEulo0wxDmT4-ndrvYsyVM3j_aTrb58tKfB86JrCVhbpANfwkhLlEiaKoCe2nvJFh0Bo9gFjCLn-4ioaHNrwNUxLwzxMbgEhO15M/s1600/1581302390374801-4.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;">
<img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEioytNnMYPMlug4AocapBe5pBFJ9sdcs0NGFi9f8MojEulo0wxDmT4-ndrvYsyVM3j_aTrb58tKfB86JrCVhbpANfwkhLlEiaKoCe2nvJFh0Bo9gFjCLn-4ioaHNrwNUxLwzxMbgEhO15M/s1600/1581302390374801-4.png" width="400">
</a>
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg5KsqODVxd0PZ6UGQYmfddNkWh0cRxiK1EjzU8QB9cauk1EnPwD6So_HsR_hOcTl8E41cvn96s_fupQ4dJpW9Ww7YIh2-PkW7Vk_mdTUOVGATQ9wfkGkaCemJOVKag_88zQ0VeEUNL9Ss/s1600/1581302386925863-5.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;">
<img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg5KsqODVxd0PZ6UGQYmfddNkWh0cRxiK1EjzU8QB9cauk1EnPwD6So_HsR_hOcTl8E41cvn96s_fupQ4dJpW9Ww7YIh2-PkW7Vk_mdTUOVGATQ9wfkGkaCemJOVKag_88zQ0VeEUNL9Ss/s1600/1581302386925863-5.png" width="400">
</a>
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEivpsdOJynPjUwV9xby9n5M3zYQB1VghXoXpF2ItnnhJ_KkSiTRUcVHX8qsFWoSdQ1JdmiA1hPWzLSC1PiPnnAZF8E4BQ6yFMwNX5nYBPYwEmwiR-0K6gssNlVd1h_OAzokkSNkaVQDtww/s1600/1581302383336449-6.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;">
<img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEivpsdOJynPjUwV9xby9n5M3zYQB1VghXoXpF2ItnnhJ_KkSiTRUcVHX8qsFWoSdQ1JdmiA1hPWzLSC1PiPnnAZF8E4BQ6yFMwNX5nYBPYwEmwiR-0K6gssNlVd1h_OAzokkSNkaVQDtww/s1600/1581302383336449-6.png" width="400">
</a>
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi_4W7QEDUUSv-LA2Bz2JDLaQikkQN2b2KXvFsZaeiFfOaDqEbqWGuZpH24JancIGMMj1Wzto_f_kLn_gQX7sOCdC4b7mSwJ4ukw3KXla9psJeSUlsQmEQAEZuGixvF6zRr0Q0KyJPyttA/s1600/1581302379410274-7.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;">
<img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi_4W7QEDUUSv-LA2Bz2JDLaQikkQN2b2KXvFsZaeiFfOaDqEbqWGuZpH24JancIGMMj1Wzto_f_kLn_gQX7sOCdC4b7mSwJ4ukw3KXla9psJeSUlsQmEQAEZuGixvF6zRr0Q0KyJPyttA/s1600/1581302379410274-7.png" width="400">
</a>
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi7yTZ0VThxawF0MYtDtd3T07NqcbbEqAN1UGmqV2xDqt-G7qk9RaA05oiqGQgMFUknbs9MB4SwNin1DgwWfZ9kLkJlXg-6jDXkqi0AP4oVBdLlw-Nv6oz3YFkp10im1LQr4efm6ez-mlM/s1600/1581302375690571-8.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;">
<img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi7yTZ0VThxawF0MYtDtd3T07NqcbbEqAN1UGmqV2xDqt-G7qk9RaA05oiqGQgMFUknbs9MB4SwNin1DgwWfZ9kLkJlXg-6jDXkqi0AP4oVBdLlw-Nv6oz3YFkp10im1LQr4efm6ez-mlM/s1600/1581302375690571-8.png" width="400">
</a>
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiWkZP_gSj9q9Q3vd84NLWpPZSOfch4Rc5EhLV91bJcaOBlFCHK56p2PCnNRCAzA6-wW5ZwvdeHnEetMeSqiGzM3noTSTNCKXC2wSrT6nG1fZascgEW5Q_x_dTeeHajBDZTIndkCzMHDzA/s1600/1581302371483308-9.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;">
<img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiWkZP_gSj9q9Q3vd84NLWpPZSOfch4Rc5EhLV91bJcaOBlFCHK56p2PCnNRCAzA6-wW5ZwvdeHnEetMeSqiGzM3noTSTNCKXC2wSrT6nG1fZascgEW5Q_x_dTeeHajBDZTIndkCzMHDzA/s1600/1581302371483308-9.png" width="400">
</a>
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhsuTwy27Hfw4bbLmcSpNEMYo3X61e811_jIfGSLZzxqQ8E8z6EVuVE8lUuRhUK-DL9t48tV1QlJ0ymZXCdJ7j2cLjtnFlWndTh_4tudB6WMbKeAyt4NNR8LcRbc42VPPbHOPf4KUp9Ah4/s1600/1581302367033981-10.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;">
<img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhsuTwy27Hfw4bbLmcSpNEMYo3X61e811_jIfGSLZzxqQ8E8z6EVuVE8lUuRhUK-DL9t48tV1QlJ0ymZXCdJ7j2cLjtnFlWndTh_4tudB6WMbKeAyt4NNR8LcRbc42VPPbHOPf4KUp9Ah4/s1600/1581302367033981-10.png" width="400">
</a>
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgdErdRhkFhJ1I77Nmrg2w8E3Yimf3-Rn7E5VL_5R73DvBCNycTHgYbt_zz9pj2RXJA4HkENIKyQ1M9cXznz0fXX3jledl6FrfknbE1r0mKN3mQ-2pVYbjykLpOkYDTM-7B9nP-71ry_x0/s1600/1581302363008098-11.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;">
<img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgdErdRhkFhJ1I77Nmrg2w8E3Yimf3-Rn7E5VL_5R73DvBCNycTHgYbt_zz9pj2RXJA4HkENIKyQ1M9cXznz0fXX3jledl6FrfknbE1r0mKN3mQ-2pVYbjykLpOkYDTM-7B9nP-71ry_x0/s1600/1581302363008098-11.png" width="400">
</a>
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgPFxeudAIHEA59gznmsh779WlvkYWqYrpNaT0vG1GA5RAQ9kfLKQhxVSFB39j1SzYVGUz7RQILHyyHuQoh8R9-n5LK2IRmV3kj1ceiictpLMNz_PvvR-6W3gwvRDbLuobvM2UJREZI5mw/s1600/1581302358224846-12.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;">
<img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgPFxeudAIHEA59gznmsh779WlvkYWqYrpNaT0vG1GA5RAQ9kfLKQhxVSFB39j1SzYVGUz7RQILHyyHuQoh8R9-n5LK2IRmV3kj1ceiictpLMNz_PvvR-6W3gwvRDbLuobvM2UJREZI5mw/s1600/1581302358224846-12.png" width="400">
</a>
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjdTmzgKA8kpe7JYveE9d2lOZnJf0PBa9WTCH0HVhbv5oXEltxHwSbUFK7OAt8-cHCvF250iHjG6yZ_DtBdGv0mgqNWnb01GaK-wGHkDu1Yi_qH-c96i_k42fTvAMRaKYmJnV1gneSZLLc/s1600/1581302353394801-13.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;">
<img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjdTmzgKA8kpe7JYveE9d2lOZnJf0PBa9WTCH0HVhbv5oXEltxHwSbUFK7OAt8-cHCvF250iHjG6yZ_DtBdGv0mgqNWnb01GaK-wGHkDu1Yi_qH-c96i_k42fTvAMRaKYmJnV1gneSZLLc/s1600/1581302353394801-13.png" width="400">
</a>
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg_MmQ7lYD1qd-mxmm0PCj_gyeb8lVWuDdCecOFWNHw6Eglb0hQ76RwGZk1tzeKZNhlRdRlT5MzpGHyT2S8SrjpJqjxK4VyfA0mDom5NXbrA6Qzfev-D1kh3adtJejIp969A8V06nkr1Tw/s1600/1581302348614644-14.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;">
<img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg_MmQ7lYD1qd-mxmm0PCj_gyeb8lVWuDdCecOFWNHw6Eglb0hQ76RwGZk1tzeKZNhlRdRlT5MzpGHyT2S8SrjpJqjxK4VyfA0mDom5NXbrA6Qzfev-D1kh3adtJejIp969A8V06nkr1Tw/s1600/1581302348614644-14.png" width="400">
</a>
</div>... You get the idea.</div><div><br></div><div>Now unfortunately for her, my friends (a lot of them, not all) are supportive of me and some even agree with what I said.</div><div><br></div><div>I had an email to my company email address off someone trying to get me sacked, however, it being a self employed deal meant it was quite dumb of the gentleman to email, because the email just got deleted.</div><div><br></div><div>So you can see, people really tried to ruin me, over a word which in truth, caused them no offense or problems. I did report many of the tweets I received (around 200 reports were made) and around 50 accounts had to remove their tweets and faced time out on the platform where they cannot tweet or do anything for a set amount of time.</div><div><br></div><div>I think my block list almost doubled in size too, because I am not wanting contact from idiots again in the future.</div><div><br></div><div>Anyway, the whole point of this was to explain my side of the story in a way that people can actually read. It isn't racist for a white person to use the N-word. It isn't denying the history of the black community, it isn't being said in a disrespectful manor and certainly isn't causing offense to the majority of people these days.</div><div><br></div><div>Oh, the best thing was a tweet that said "he's lost friends because of this", and let me explain why that is funny. So we all know of people who will try to start an argument with you because you hold a different opinion than them, well a friend of mine from years ago called Jakey turned into one of those people. Over the past few months he had tried to argue with me over pretty much everything he could, so of course he was determined that he would fall out with me over this tweet. He tweeted that he was ashamed he had called me a friend for so long, which is where the losing friends tweet came from. Was he a friend? In the past year or so, no, he wasn't. Have I lost any sleep because he's decided to not have contact with me? No. I also think it's him that leaked my Facebook and friends details, which isn't really surprising if true.</div><div><br></div><div>The original tweet has been seen around 49,000 times at the time of posting this, it gathered less than 500 responses. I'd say the figures speak for themselves, the majority of people just aren't bothered.</div><div><br></div><div>And they shouldn't be, because equality is what we strive for.</div>BevLivehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15412592445482894288noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6689504534491442831.post-62374014986640390282019-12-18T06:50:00.001+00:002019-12-18T06:50:54.651+00:00The San Francisco bugI've caught it. Simple as really.<div><br></div><div>Long story short, I was the winner of a prize on a radio station, the prize was to go to a gig of any artist, anywhere in the world. I chose Cher in San Francisco. </div><div><br></div><div>Well, you can try and act shocked!</div><div><br></div><div>Anyway, I went, had the most amazing trip I could have ever wanted, but since coming home I'm now struggling to fit back in to my own life. I want to be back there! </div><div><br></div><div>I actually believe this could be the change in my life that I want. It's such a different way of life that my mind cannot get over how much this could be me, living there.</div><div><br></div><div>Certainly, the city isn't without its problems, homeless is out of control, and I'm only looking at figures and dreaming... But I really do believe I could make a go of this.</div><div><br></div><div>I mean, look at this... https://my.matterport.com/show/?model=TqWBjpQQqH9 </div><div><br></div><div>How amazing is that? And looking over at city hall too! I just cannot stop myself from wanting to go, wanting the lifestyle change.</div><div><br></div><div>We shall see what happens.</div>BevLivehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15412592445482894288noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6689504534491442831.post-62283274825346730082019-04-06T20:22:00.000+01:002019-04-06T20:22:40.997+01:00How to handle yourself.It feels kinda cheeky that i'm writing this, a man who has been going through so much stuff recently that i haven't been out of my home in over a week, but i want to explain to you my experience and what you may be able to learn from it.<br />
<br />
So for those watching my BevRants channel, you may have seen that i've been having a hard time of late....<br />
<br />
<a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NF5Hx-XFJuk" target="_blank">Click here to view the Podcast</a><br />
<br />
In short, it's been an awful time for me. While i thought my brain and body would be strong enough that maybe i'd cry a few times and all that, but i wasn't ready for the inability to leave my home. I wasn't ready to be sleeping all day and seemingly unable to reset my body clock. I wasn't ready to cut off my family, friends, loved ones....<br />
<br />
In this current mindset i often find myself having thoughts that i am alone, unloved and unable to function through life much longer... and yes, that does mean thoughts of ending my life. In reality i am very lucky that i do have an amazing support network of people around me who mean the absolute world to me, because i only have to put one status on facebook and my phone won't stop ringing with people wanting to know i'm ok and asking "what can we do to help you?".<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgUVEXdtfXjTp7ukFfE8v15Ci5SmjAvpITzsACzfSwpRxSmYYOvHCOtqlgSouQY5X0Deo9NeDJlaQ657U95ipb2eRX3mVBuIoehDjq1Mdm-xyHqrkotxmkRLpTzpYGclmOANhyphenhyphenawSLChyphenhyphens/s1600/DSC01081.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="902" data-original-width="1600" height="180" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgUVEXdtfXjTp7ukFfE8v15Ci5SmjAvpITzsACzfSwpRxSmYYOvHCOtqlgSouQY5X0Deo9NeDJlaQ657U95ipb2eRX3mVBuIoehDjq1Mdm-xyHqrkotxmkRLpTzpYGclmOANhyphenhyphenawSLChyphenhyphens/s320/DSC01081.JPG" width="320" /></a></div>
<br />
It's a lovely thing to have and i know i am a lucky person to have such a support in my life, some people really don't have it.<br />
<br />
That said, what can be learned? What can i tell others to do to help themselves get out of my type of mindset?<br />
<br />
Well, firstly, accept you feel the way that you do. Accepting how you feel isn't admitting defeat at all, it's the first step to getting yourself better again. Look at what your mood is like, what your food is like, are you as close to your friends and/or family as you were? What can you do to throw that olive branch out there to get some support?<br />
<br />
Next is to distract yourself. Write, it really does help to calm your thoughts down when your head is spinning with thoughts. Watch a video on a topic you have never even thought about before. Like, recently i've relied a lot on the likes of Shammi ...<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<br /><iframe width="320" height="266" class="YOUTUBE-iframe-video" data-thumbnail-src="https://i.ytimg.com/vi/l4OpcucvX8E/0.jpg" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/l4OpcucvX8E?feature=player_embedded" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe></div>
<br />
And Jackson...<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<iframe width="320" height="266" class="YOUTUBE-iframe-video" data-thumbnail-src="https://i.ytimg.com/vi/LnQkCv-RUpE/0.jpg" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/LnQkCv-RUpE?feature=player_embedded" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe></div>
<br />
Who are able to put a smile on my face, and smiling really does help, even if it's only an internal smile.<br />
<br />
Move around all you can, go and sit in a different room for a bit, even if you're stuck watching your phone or whatever, the difference can help you to boost your mood.<br />
<br />
Find tips on self-help, never KNOW that you're lonely because you aren't. Feeling lonely is different to actually being lonely. There's always a charity phone number you can get hold of and you can call for a talk.<br />
<br />
Eventually you will find yourself able to get back to normal, if only for a day or two, make the most of it when that happens because life is tough for us all at times. Treat yourself often and learn some self-love.BevLivehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15412592445482894288noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6689504534491442831.post-85104059531477373162019-03-02T00:44:00.001+00:002019-03-02T00:44:03.230+00:00Dear Nana<p dir="ltr">For context, on the 7th of February my Nana (grandmother) passed away. At her funeral I read a letter I wrote to Nana called dear Nana. </p>
<p dir="ltr">This is further on from that.</p>
<p dir="ltr">Dear Nana, </p>
<p dir="ltr">What a weird 3 weeks it has been. I know in the letter I read at your funeral I said about how things started to feel real that you had passed, but it seems my brain isn't ready to let me realise you're no longer here, yet. I more and more often think "I'll call Nana" and then realise I can't. </p>
<p dir="ltr">It doesn't feel real. The feeling is, numbness. I laughed with everyone in the funeral car at how we used to drive to other funerals and you'd say "I wonder who is next", do you remember? Ha! I remember at aunty marjories funeral you spent ages telling maureen it was going to be her after you, but then I think there was another man there who was older, so you said "oh well, you're next then".</p>
<p dir="ltr">Today on the phone they said they're collecting your ashes and mum agreed that we would collect you on Monday. Do you watch us and feel scared like me? If I'm honest I'm shitting myself because I'm about to see a box, and that's you, that's all that remains. I'm scared that this is when my brain tells me, that's you inside it and that you're not sat at home, in your chair, waiting for me to call.</p>
<p dir="ltr">You probably heard the water company, saying that someone else has moved into your flat, they didn't hang around did they! But I suppose you wouldn't be offended by that, I think you'd try and make the point that life goes on.</p>
<p dir="ltr">Thing is, life does go on and day by day we will learn to live without you being here in the physical sense. I hope you're listening to us when we talk to you. </p>
<p dir="ltr">I hope you know that I am sorry. I'm stuffed with guilt that for those weeks you were in hospital I told you over and over that you were coming home. I spent night after night on the phone to suny and we both agreed that you'd nail this, that you'd be home in what would seem like no time. I feel like I lied to you, that I should have said to you that if you didn't come home that would be ok, but I didn't, I couldn't. By the time we were told that they were ending your active care, it's as if you weren't really there anymore. I remember seeing you on that Wednesday morning and how shocked I was to see you trying to climb out the bed to take yourself to the toilet. You looked at me as I tried to get you back in the bed, as I hit that call button for the nurses and while I was maybe calm to you, I was shaking with anger that you had been left to get into that state.</p>
<p dir="ltr">I remember your freak out. I remember that the last thing you said about me was in your freak out and you screamed "Kevin wouldn't hurt me, he wouldn't hurt me" and you know, as scary as that freak out was, seeing you so distressed, it still warms my heart to know that deep down you knew I had your back, that I'd never let any harm come to you and that I love you. I also know, you love me too.</p>
<p dir="ltr">I know you'd be sorry for the way you were, do you remember that Thursday in that little room, we told you all the things you had been saying to us while you had been in hospital. You laughed, we laughed, you rolled your eyes and said "did I really say all that?". That Thursday was beautiful, I felt like I had my Nana back and I was so happy, I didn't know that we were then into our final week with you.</p>
<p dir="ltr">Did you see me recording that video last night? I couldn't help but get upset and you're the one person I wish I could hug and hold. I know I can't though. Just please show me a sign that you forgive me, I didn't know you'd not come home, I honestly thought you could have done this, but I understand that your body had had enough. You honestly never gave up the fight.</p>
<p dir="ltr">I hate so much that you have left us, I really do, but I know that it was your time. I know it was the best thing for you and that you'd have been glad we were there when you left us. They said that the ears still work for a few moments after a person dies, which is why I had to say "thank you for everything", it's all I could think to say apart from "go in peace". </p>
<p dir="ltr">I don't think I'll ever stop missing you. Did you see that price list of the plaque and all that? I could hear your voice in my head going "how much???" followed by you telling us not to waste money like that.</p>
<p dir="ltr">I love you Nana. I hope you're reading this and I don't want to stop typing. Here come the tears!</p>
<p dir="ltr">I can't think of how to close this, but just know I love you and everyone here loves you. I'll speak to you soon, goodnight Nana <u>xxxxx</u></p>
BevLivehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15412592445482894288noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6689504534491442831.post-85664932486484389482018-05-08T19:41:00.001+01:002018-05-08T19:41:43.382+01:00The most honest I can be...<p dir="ltr">https://youtu.be/dub_vXYQUKI<br></p>
<p dir="ltr">That's the link to my latest video over on the BevRants channel called "I want to kill myself".</p>
<p dir="ltr">Please watch.</p>
BevLivehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15412592445482894288noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6689504534491442831.post-64130383461041549402018-05-05T14:08:00.000+01:002018-05-05T14:08:12.385+01:00what it's likeWhen I sit down to write a post my mind goes through a million and one thoughts, typically its "who is going to read this" or "is what I say that important". The truth is of course is that the writing is for my benefit, more than anything. It's a form of therapy and a calming trick used by lots of people who are going through stages of anxiety or even depression.<br />
<br />
Today I sit and write down because I feel a better mood is on me, based on how I have been feeling the past few weeks. The loss of close friends hit me hard (I'll be coming onto that topic another time when I have my thoughts together on the matter) and now a close family member in hospital, it just seems to be one of them stages where it's one thing after another.<br />
<br />
Don't get me wrong, not everything is bad at the moment, me and my boyfriend have booked a trip away to Scotland for next year, visiting another Haven site and I really cannot wait... check it out... <br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<iframe width="320" height="266" class="YOUTUBE-iframe-video" data-thumbnail-src="https://i.ytimg.com/vi/kZwSEo7Xahc/0.jpg" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/kZwSEo7Xahc?feature=player_embedded" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe></div>
<br />
Looks like it could be good! Me and my boyfriend are very excited for not only the holiday but of course getting to explore Scotland which is a nation of beauty.<br />
<br />
As I sit here and write this I'm reflecting on my day so far. It's a Saturday, its hot outside and it's 1:53pm at the moment. Already I've done battle with the clothes drier (which doesn't want to dry clothes), dipped myself and the dog in the pool, got dressed and managed to control my breathing in the pool while it was really cold (it's hard to do, but a trick I learned for anxiety attacks).<br />
<br />
Today already I have done a lot, for me, and that's fine. Later on i'll go off to the hospital and visit my relative as she does what she can to make herself better, and i'll also get to spend some time with my mother, which is something I love to do, but not something I get to do all that often.<br />
<br />
So, i'm writing this post, it's not very long, but it's an example to myself that I can publish work. I really haven't been in the mood for writing since my last post (oh god that was a while ago), I even downloaded the blogger app to encourage myself to write more, which clearly didn't work.<br />
<br />
It's small steps on a bigger journey ive now got to go on to try and improve myself, to get me back to me.<br />
<br />
So, see you here more often?BevLivehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15412592445482894288noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6689504534491442831.post-40339972317279749692018-02-12T14:13:00.001+00:002018-02-12T14:13:04.831+00:00Welcome back... Me.<p dir="ltr">So, it's been a while hasn't it.</p>
<p dir="ltr">I've been on quite the mental health journey recently and I'm going to start posting more on here, as a way of helping me to deal with my issues, but also as a way to help others understand, they're not alone.</p>
<p dir="ltr">I also downloaded the blogger app too, so it's easier for me to share content on here now too... So expect some fun along the way too!</p>
<p dir="ltr">Anyway, let's begin... Im back<u>v</u></p>
BevLivehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15412592445482894288noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6689504534491442831.post-30157317723778872602017-09-02T15:16:00.000+01:002017-09-02T15:16:15.831+01:00Who holds us back?Listen to this song...<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<iframe width="320" height="266" class="YOUTUBE-iframe-video" data-thumbnail-src="https://i.ytimg.com/vi/TKfS5zVfGBc/0.jpg" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/TKfS5zVfGBc?feature=player_embedded" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe></div>
<br />
This song is beautiful to me, it's rhythm, it's calming and soothing tones really do set to get me into a mood which I pick, it can make me feel motivated, it can make me feel relaxed... it really is set to my mind how I want to feel after or during listening to this song, I can literally make my own world in my head just listening to this song. It's main lines of vocals are "You can do anything you want to, you can do anything" which today made me want to ask the question, who holds us back from doing what we want to do?<br />
<br />
See for some time I have had visions in my mind about going to different places around the world, to go and explore, go and take on different activities, go and try different foods and all that jazz, but something holds me back and I can't quite put my finger on it. <br />
<br />
When I look at going to different places around the world the idea really does excite me, everything from flying, to unpacking in the place where I am staying. I'm very much one of those people who like when I went to Turkey, we went to the places which are clearly built for tourists, but I went to other places where tourists didn't seem to be there, like one of our days out was to this small island which is only occupied by this goat which has a habit of attacking people. There was no bars, no shops, nothing. Granted, I was hungover, so I slept on the boat ride over and only managed to make it slightly off the boat, but I did manage to make friends with the goat, giving it a few rubs and saying hi... which I know sounds crazy, me talking to a goat, it wouldn't have a clue what I was saying, it would clearly only talk Turkish.<br />
<br />
Stuff like this is what I want to go and explore in this life, but again, what or who holds me back?<br />
<br />
When I want to go and explore one of the things I have to look at is the bank balance, and that's never in a good shape, so that holds me back. Even while working, it would hold me back because money never seems to be there for me, so who's fault is it? Is that my fault, is it my employers fault? I really don't know.<br />
<br />
I guess with this post, there's never going to be an answer, but, to the statement "You can do anything" I reply... I can't, someone or something holds me back... what do you think it is?BevLivehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15412592445482894288noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6689504534491442831.post-62272268234227982392017-08-20T15:34:00.000+01:002017-08-20T15:34:17.321+01:00Terror in Europe, are we a target like we make out?Recently I was at a friends house when he asked me "What's happened in Barcelona?".<br />
<br />
I of course was pretty clueless at the time, until I found out what had gone on....<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<iframe width="320" height="266" class="YOUTUBE-iframe-video" data-thumbnail-src="https://i.ytimg.com/vi/04d8mzfQmyc/0.jpg" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/04d8mzfQmyc?feature=player_embedded" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe></div>
<br />
The news brought with it the usual level of shock and sympathy for all those caught up in the terrible incident which should never have taken place. <br />
<br />
Today though, I read something which kind of put it into perspective for me. Countless times I read that the west is the target, how Europe is the innocent victim in a world gone mad, yet one persons comment of "It happens daily in the east, yet once in a blue moon here" really made me think... are we the target that we claim to be?<br />
<br />
In the run up to the recent general elections here in the UK, the UK suffered 3 major attacks in which people died, most famous attack is the one which took place at the Manchester Arena. We were targeted... but still not as much as the east. <br />
<br />
Not a day goes by where in some places like Iraq, Syria, Afghanistan etc, there isn't a terror attack taking place and taking innocent peoples lives. It literally is a regular event. ISIS and all other terrorist organisations we are told target people from the west, yet, looking at the actual bodies of people, they are mostly from the east, they are mostly muslim and they are mostly not from or have anything to do with the west.<br />
<br />
So I put the question to you dearest reader... are we a target in the west like we make out?BevLivehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15412592445482894288noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6689504534491442831.post-15053348406711997892017-08-13T02:57:00.003+01:002017-08-13T02:57:48.838+01:00The uprising of the far right...Recently a lot of my social media has been focused on a march of the white far right in America and how they can operate these days etc.<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjbicoqdcnVGem6zYAr3XHBTYeB4cDNFEBt0Cqt4-4TTZ8NztLVCdOcFBwcUaDOuifPGeNLFOz_deMK_4UIWaRJSEgT4U5fnYnBhaKoVWsTv4AkzY1ECQLQxEk6wLDViGrlUrBvvmUecIo/s1600/20770459_10214106883810916_7727033929766014732_n.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="720" data-original-width="720" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjbicoqdcnVGem6zYAr3XHBTYeB4cDNFEBt0Cqt4-4TTZ8NztLVCdOcFBwcUaDOuifPGeNLFOz_deMK_4UIWaRJSEgT4U5fnYnBhaKoVWsTv4AkzY1ECQLQxEk6wLDViGrlUrBvvmUecIo/s320/20770459_10214106883810916_7727033929766014732_n.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<br />
The above picture depicts a moment of dark history for modern day America and the bottom part of the picture is an image from August 2017, marching for the same cause.<br />
<br />
I find it amazing that I can sit here in 2017 and be wondering how a persons skin colour can still be an issue for anybody, I really do wonder sometimes when humanity will kind of, mature, and get over the small stuff, for the greater good of humanity... but that's for another post.<br />
<br />
Of course, the poster child and basically the definition of racism within America is the KKK. The political party which saw murders and awful things done to people who basically weren't a straight white male. Although the KKK is still very active these days I don't believe they had too much to do with the most recent march, however, they would have had some sort of involvement i'm sure, even if it was supporting the march itself. <br />
<br />
The far right however is a force which nobody really seems to be able to cope with or deal with. I myself have had many battles with the far right and I am still to this day blocked on many of their social media accounts because I will call out their hatred when I see it. The focus of most of the far right has shifted as we have all seen, into being against the followers of Islam and immigration which they will use as an excuse to blame every single thing on. Economy failing? Immigration. Health service under funded? Immigration... you name it, innocent people will be blamed. <br />
<br />
This particular event which happened in Virginia however is to do with skin colour, and it's a scary sight to see, because racial tension is still sky high and events like this will only put salt into peoples wounds who have endured a whole life of being judge by their skin colour and it will teach younger children to be divided and judge others on skin colour.<br />
<br />
It has still got to stop.<br />
<br />
What needs to be looked at though is how the liberal and far left deal with the far right. I like to think of myself as being in the middle of left and right, I like to be able to see issues from all views, but when it comes to skin colour, I myself will always look down on those who use skin colour as a reason to hate somebody in any way. <br />
<br />
The far left however, and much of the middle, will always refuse to engage with the far right, because they're just seen as racist idiots, which ok, might be true in many cases, but to end this kind of thing we need to engage people in talks and education. This really is the only way forward. We cannot allow racism to continue, it has gone on for long enough now and I as a white person am saying this from the bottom of my heart... but we need to TALK to the far right. We need to understand WHY they feel the way that they do and what their goals are, then, and ONLY then can we begin to talk to them about changing their point of view. If we listen to them, they will listen to us more and it is difficult, sure, but it is the only way for things like this to end. <br />
<br />
From the bottom of my heart, to all those who were affected by what they saw at the protest please keep in mind that these people represent themselves, they do not speak for the majority of white people. <br />
<br />
Now, i'm willing to talk to the far right... let's see who is willing to talk to me, from the far right.<br />
BevLivehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15412592445482894288noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6689504534491442831.post-50798889540749919792017-06-14T14:29:00.002+01:002017-06-14T14:29:30.224+01:00Is life amazing?So here I am, sat back at my desk, windows open because it's warm, even though it's cloudy outside and i'm again questioning what is my life.<br />
<br />
I've not long completed a course of CBT to deal with my own problems, call that the reason I've been quiet on here... But in truth, I've just been getting on with life as best I can. <br />
<br />
At home I become bored too easily, nothing to actually do apart from surf the internet, play games or watch tv, all of which grow boring after some time. I can go and see friends, but usually that ends up with me drinking and spending money I can't afford. I mean for the past few weeks I've had literally no food in my flat. My boyfriend has helped me through the tough times, of course he would, but I have to wonder... what am I doing with my life.<br />
<br />
I've semi given up on reading about the world because it's all bad news every where you look. Only last night there was a huge fire in London which has claimed lives when a tower block of flats became quickly engulfed in fire. One of my worst fears about living in my old flat was how to get out if the stairway became covered in fire, and that was only on the first floor! <br />
<br />
If I look up over at Manchester you're just reminded of the bombing which took place while I was away on holiday, London has had several terror attacks in recent months, so you look further away from home, we're still bombing Syria, Turkey is still at war, America is still trying to deal with Trump and... it just gets to the point you go, I can't cope with all this.<br />
<br />
So, sure, this is a short post. Call it a mid afternoon release of steam. I'm going to go and mow the front garden, I think that'll give me something to do.BevLivehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15412592445482894288noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6689504534491442831.post-54333608330234787262017-01-29T10:21:00.000+00:002017-01-29T10:21:01.673+00:00The boxA small time ago I discovered a company which offer a subscription service for about £20 a month called a buddy box. The idea behind it is that once a month you the subscriber would receive a box through the post full of item's you weren't expecting, which give focus to mental health and well being. I love this idea. <br />
<br />
I love the idea because suffering with mental health the way that I do I often find myself unable to cheer myself up. I become very disinterested with objects and general day to day things and I need something to keep my mind active or something to waste my time on. I can be a very difficult project! <br />
<br />
When I moved into my new home I was very short of storage until my first Christmas here. As a present off my family I was given some storage units to go in several places around my home. As I began packing things away into these boxes I decided that maybe indeed I did need to create my own buddy box. Just one box which would be full of things for me to see and things to do. I guess during better times in my mind idea's like this are wonderful, but today for me is yet another boring day. I have nothing to do and nobody I know is available to even come around for a coffee. <br />
<br />
It is times like this where I need my buddy box the most. Something to help me pass the time until something comes along for me to go and be busy with. I mean don't get me wrong theres plenty I can go and do in the real world, but when your brain is lumbered with depression, forcing yourself to do anything can seem impossible, even though some people do point out the obvious that it is only me who can improve my mood... but sometimes even I don't know how to.<br />
<br />
Anyway, I guess that's it. Here is another 10 minutes filled up, and yet, it is in itself a waste of time. <br />
<br />
I hate days like today.BevLivehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15412592445482894288noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6689504534491442831.post-58449728087358757442017-01-10T06:01:00.003+00:002017-01-10T06:01:58.759+00:00Am i a trump supporter?I think it's official. 2016 was seen as a bad year because a lot of really well known people passed away, Brexit happened and of course for America, Trump won. <br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<iframe width="320" height="266" class="YOUTUBE-iframe-video" data-thumbnail-src="https://i.ytimg.com/vi/4MYEZbyyBJw/0.jpg" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/4MYEZbyyBJw?feature=player_embedded" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe></div>
<br />
This was supposed to be shocking news, but in truth, we had all been warned that IF it came to Hilarious Clinton and Donald Trump going head to head, he would win... and he did. Now since then, arguments world over have taken place about how trump didn't win the popular vote (which doesn't count towards anything to be fair), how trump hired Russia to hack something so he would win the vote (even though the vote doesn't take place online at all)... you get the idea, a lot of stuff being said.<br />
<br />
While I can accept that some people will be worried for the future of their country, I, as an outsider of America actually feel quite calm about him coming into power. I mean let's look for a second at one fact, he hasn't even become president yet and already more people than ever before are now interested in politics and those same people are going to be watching every single thing his government do, waiting for them to slip up.<br />
<br />
Now i'm not stupid here, I know he is a republican, I know that the republican party don't really have the interest of you at their heart unless you're a straight white male, but I don't think Trump himself deserves the amount of hatred he is getting at the moment. It's kind of like standing outside your local McDonalds complaining at future employee's are going to mess up orders and so they shouldn't be hired... you can't say that because you don't know it for sure, you might have a strong hunch, but you can't be 100% sure. Same thing for what people are doing at the moment, and this is what makes me wonder...<br />
<br />
Am I a trump supporter?<br />
<br />
During his running time for the elections the man made some very idiotic comments. I have even wondered myself if the only reason he ran was to try and make Hilarious Clinton look like the better candidate since they are good friends, but if this were true then wow did that plan back fire. It has to be said however, I am willing to give him a chance. Does that make me a supporter of his? I don't agree with a lot of what he has said, I think some of his idea's that he spoke of pre-election were the most crazy I have ever heard, but i'm still willing to see what he does in the role, given that since it was confirmed he won the vote, he has gone back on several of his election promises. <br />
<br />
Look, the world over was more than willing to give Clinton a chance, even though her past is filled with war, oil robbing, money from some very questionable sources and of course the laws she has passed for said money... but America was willing to give her a chance, yet, not a man who frankly, spoke his mind during the election campaign. If we agree with him or not on his points of view, we have to admire that this is one man in politics who will call stuff as he see's it, and the truth is, it has been a while since a political figure has been like that in the west in a long time.<br />
<br />
So, how do I finish this off? Well, all's I can say is... join me. Sure, watch him, question every thing he does, but stop moaning already. He IS going to be the next president of the USA, and he is going to have years in power, so simply typing #NotMyPresident on your social media makes you look slightly stupid (unless like me, you're not in the USA and so it is the truth)... But all in all, give him a chance. When he does something which makes you angry, then i'll be right there with you shouting for change... but let's see what he does first.BevLivehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15412592445482894288noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6689504534491442831.post-42776012838128601102017-01-07T04:03:00.001+00:002017-01-07T04:03:06.152+00:00Mum's adviceRecently online I have seen a sort of surge in the amount of my friends and family joining websites and groups which are designed to give mum's the best advice on how to raise their child. Everything from what to feed your child right through to what clothes to get them and for the best price. <br />
<br />
On the whole there's nothing really wrong with these sorts of groups, in my opinion, when they are used in a supportive manor, but part of me cannot help but wonder if these groups are making other mums stressed... let me explain why.<br />
<br />
When it comes to feeding a child of course any mother is going to want to make sure her child receives the best food possible, that it's all fresh and healthy and cooked to perfection... but some mothers cannot afford the finest in food. Some mothers cannot afford the time to spend all day getting everything ready for one evening meal. <br />
<br />
When it comes to clothing, having your child wearing good looking clothing items and of course making sure that no animals were harmed in the making of that clothing item are what every parent wants to have their child in... but at what point does that stop and the attitude of "well at least that child is clothed" comes in. <br />
<br />
Look, this isn't going to be the longest post in the world, but I do have some advice for all mums.<br />
<br />
<div align="center">
</div>
<div align="center">
<strong>Keep doing what you're doing.</strong></div>
<div align="center">
</div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
</div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
That's it. All mothers raise their child in a different way to other mums, they all have different styles and different rules, but nobody and I mean nobody can force you to be the perfect parent, because simply put... one doesn't exist.</div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
</div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
</div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
A mothers job is stress filled enough, without feeling more pressure from other mothers or doubts over your ability to do a good job. So by all means, if something is wrong, then ask for help, but never feel as if you're failing your child. </div>
BevLivehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15412592445482894288noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6689504534491442831.post-67293198753964699442016-08-14T19:47:00.001+01:002016-08-14T19:47:44.894+01:00A change in community part 1Times really have changed for me since I last posted on here and it seems minus the odd facebook status, I have forgotten how to type too... but this is all actually for a good reason.<br />
<br />
On 11/11/2011 I signed on the line and received the keys for my first ever home. It was to be on a road called Beechtrees. If, like many not from the area, you begin to think that sounds nice, don't get your hopes up. The truth is, Beechtrees is in an area called Digmoor, which since the late 80's has struggled to wipe its reputation of being a very rough area with high crime rates and vile people, and yes, over its years it has played home to some very not nice people, but when signing for the keys I was very excited to be starting the next part of my life. It was to be my first home away from my mothers where I would be living by myself.<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjPtsRv_HdX09lO2CWSwuAnxFo12O3ofYfNIj43iHo4tzWXdWckgTbo3lWEfaMyWBWoYQPPGt58-b-gkobT-534WLVpSyYhoAOBMQB4scgPYDhcJyAnaiWbe-S4vaoSgamvVNS4lyVzlxo/s1600/DSC00592.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjPtsRv_HdX09lO2CWSwuAnxFo12O3ofYfNIj43iHo4tzWXdWckgTbo3lWEfaMyWBWoYQPPGt58-b-gkobT-534WLVpSyYhoAOBMQB4scgPYDhcJyAnaiWbe-S4vaoSgamvVNS4lyVzlxo/s320/DSC00592.JPG" width="320" /></a></div>
<br />
I moved in and at the time didn't have much to call my own. My uncle visited from Canada and was left a little bit bored being sat in the flat on a rickety chair watching a tv from the 90's while inside I was dying a little, wishing it was already the home I wanted it to be. <br />
<br />
Over time I began to turn it into the home I wanted, more furniture came my way from donations or from people who were selling items cheap, and I was made up with how my home was beginning to take shape, it was what I wanted it to be. <br />
<br />
In 2014 towards the end of the year I received a letter, hand posted, stating that the area I was going to be living in, well, Beechtrees, had been chosen to receive a multi-million pound investment from local government. The houses and flats would be given a brand new look, new kitchens, new bathrooms, new windows... everything! I was really happy at this news! It was to be short lived though as in 2015 I received the plans for what the area I was to be living in, but my flat, my home, was not on the plans. As the main letter confirmed to me, indeed, my home, the building was to be pulled down and I would have to move. This would of course turn up on the day I had bought some wallpaper ready for going up in the living room and of course, it never made it up there. <br />
<br />
My home was coming to the end of it's life. <br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhjVC-yChc7C0C76RCPPTdpJZNe4nQ3yjvkJFeu0as2hDQW-d3-QaZcAFTub6rK8kfAJ5_L86ufd2sjmB604bb4A8nZNQJ235egvhvDGzINekuwnbr6jJ2T3bMdCKJgxL_oVLfvJ-C_xyw/s1600/DSC00588.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhjVC-yChc7C0C76RCPPTdpJZNe4nQ3yjvkJFeu0as2hDQW-d3-QaZcAFTub6rK8kfAJ5_L86ufd2sjmB604bb4A8nZNQJ235egvhvDGzINekuwnbr6jJ2T3bMdCKJgxL_oVLfvJ-C_xyw/s320/DSC00588.JPG" width="320" /></a></div>
<br />
I was a little bit on the sad side, I won't lie, but how could you not be excited at the prospect of a new home? I had no idea when I would move, but I knew that it couldn't be too far away, so all idea's of decorating were put on hold, time to begin to think about how you want your new place to look... I thought. <br />
<br />
Over the time, since I got the news, I began to grow bored of where I was living. It seemed as if I gave up, it wasn't tidy, cleaning was the last thing to get done often and I had grown tired of it's location and increasing number of empty properties around it. I had lived there since 2011, it was time for a change of scene, in truth, the flat was starting to do me mental damage because I was growing so bored of the environment there, but what could I do? I was to be leaving soon anyway.<br />
<br />
In the May of 2016 I arrived back off a family holiday to the letter off the council saying "We need you to begin to look for a new place to live, the flats will be coming down" followed by a short visit off a man from the local government who was very informative, telling me they were aiming to have the flats down in September of 2016, something which I think has now been delayed, but you never know! <br />
<br />
I began packing little bits and looking for where I could move to. It turns out the council had already been working on fixing up an old estate near to where my mother lives and a lot of people messaged me to say about these brand new flats that had been built and how I should apply for one of them, all the time i'm remembering that it is a bidding system when it comes to council housing, I could bid, but with them being new and a massive shortage of housing in the area, I wasn't likely to ever step foot in one, let alone own one. <br />
<br />
After a few weeks I received the information that I had been set up on the council's housing website and that I could begin to look for a new place to call home, and, it just turns out that there was 2 of these new flats available. No pictures, very little information, but hey, they were new and I could always say no if I didn't like it.<br />
<br />
What happened? <br />
<br />
See you in part 2....<br />
BevLivehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15412592445482894288noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6689504534491442831.post-62919194131246308682016-03-30T23:42:00.000+01:002016-03-30T23:42:21.543+01:00Trey's Post - The big booms.Hello, my name is Trey and on behalf of my human i'll be posting this story, please read it until the end and then share it, it's kind of important to me... oh and here is my picture. <br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhA7H0UbJrkVLR-uhix-CQvSt_VKEmt6i15s6yl2gWDfSG2sofdh57MK1a4RxGTjqF8maCkMydqCo-L81WZqViMIkPhIQuWjfHaRO-imcOLNM_LCr585vVeaSzjoNbe8VEsJjiiTMph0Cs/s1600/DSC00210.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="480" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhA7H0UbJrkVLR-uhix-CQvSt_VKEmt6i15s6yl2gWDfSG2sofdh57MK1a4RxGTjqF8maCkMydqCo-L81WZqViMIkPhIQuWjfHaRO-imcOLNM_LCr585vVeaSzjoNbe8VEsJjiiTMph0Cs/s640/DSC00210.JPG" width="640" /></a></div>
<br />
<strong>The Big Booms, by Trey.</strong><br />
<strong></strong><br />
It began a few weeks ago when me and my human were just sat on the couch at home and he was flicking through the channels. Thing's outside hadn't been right for some time and I could sense that human was worried about something, but i'd learned to just lean into him and give him cuddles whenever I could, which seemed to calm him down. <br />
<br />
Life had been pretty much the same for me recently as I had still been going out on my walks and meeting new friends sometimes to go for big runs along the field and one time I even got took to the beach! Ha! It was brilliant! <br />
<br />
On this particular night though while human had been going through the different channels on the TV, he froze on one of them and he became really still as he listened to what was being said on the TV. Some woman was saying something, I don't know what, I wasn't paying too much attention if I was honest, but I sensed something wasn't right. <br />
<br />
I sat up and began to look at the TV, this man in a suit came out of a house looking thing and stood in front of this big tall box and began to speak, again, no idea what was being said, my focus drifted to my human was sat bolt upright and he had began to shake. The man on the TV didn't seem to say much, but I remember my human leaned over and snatched his mobile phone off the other side of the couch and frantically began to press the screen loads. "It's true Trey, It's true" he said. I didn't know what was true but I sensed that something wasn't right here, so I jumped off the couch and onto the floor, looking at my human in case he wanted me to do a task. <br />
<br />
He called what seemed to be like a lot of other humans and he kept saying "I love you, we will do this, everything will be fine, just know I love you" which I thought was really nice of him and I kept wagging my tail to let him know that I loved him too. <br />
<br />
A little while later there was this really and I mean REALLY noise outside, it was like one of those disco cars that go past really fast with the flashing lights on the top and the awful music playing loudly, it sounds like a siren, but I never know what it is... maybe it is a siren?<br />
<br />
Next minute, my human hung up the phone and picked me up... GREAT I thought, we're off out! I took a look at my lead which was hanging by the door, but just before we got to it human turned and we went into the bedroom. He put me on the bed, closed the door and jumped on the bed next to me. He just said "Right Trey, come here, give me a cuddle, you need to be strong, but it will all be OK". <br />
<br />
I walked over to him, confused by why he was doing this, because normally we don't cuddle up until it's bed time and I could tell that I wasn't tired and I knew my human wasn't either, but I lay down next to him and we shuffled into our normal position where I lay with my head on one arm of his and he puts his other arm over me and he moves me back so my back is on his chest. I could feel that his heart was beating really fast for some reason, maybe he was just happy to be going to bed, who knows!<br />
<br />
He began to lightly stroke my head when we both heard this massive bang. It sounded like what human called thunder, which I was sometimes OK with, but this was really loud this time, so I didn't like it. I sat up to check my human was behind me, and he was, but I noticed tears had began to fall from his eyes. There wasn't enough time for me to wonder why because another loud bang happened and all the lights went off in the bedroom and it felt like the walls moved too. I let out a huge yelp and ran into my human's chest, he said loudly "It's going to be ok Trey, calm down, you're with me now". <br />
<br />
I don't really know what happened next, I was being held by my human, but everything went really bright and really windy, then I felt a thud. My paws, all of them, began to hurt really badly and I wasn't being cuddled by my human anymore, I didn't know where he was because as quickly as everything had gone bright, it had gone dark again. I began to sniff the air and it was horrible, it was like nothing I had smelled before but I knew I wasn't where I had been. <br />
<br />
"Trey?" I could hear my human shouting me, "Trey come here". It sounded like we were playing that game on the bed again, where he hides under the quilt and I have to find him and while I wanted to play this time, my paws and legs were really sore and I could have done with a cuddle more than anything! <br />
<br />
After a few more calls of my name and commands, I began to smell my human, he was near, but I couldn't see him! It was like there was a lot of dust and I started to yelp until he came to me. After what felt like a life time, he did, my human was there. I tried to lift my paw to show him where it hurt, but I couldn't lift it up. "It's ok Trey, we will both be fine, but we have to move quickly". He scooped me up and seemed to run with me. <br />
<br />
I knew something bad had happened, but with my human with me, I knew I would be OK.<br />
<br />
<div align="center">
</div>
<div align="center">
</div>
<div align="center">
<strong><span style="font-size: x-large;">STOP</span></strong></div>
<div align="center">
</div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
This story is about a war starting, in case you didn't know. My human tells me that war is something which happens right now in many places around the world, please stop it.</div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
</div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
It breaks my heart to think that other dog's in my position are without their humans tonight. We need our humans for love and cuddles, so please, do what you can stop war. </div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
</div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
Me and my human are safe, this story never happened to us, luckily, and I never want to hear of it happening to anybody I know. When wars happen, human's suffer, but so do all pets. </div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
</div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
Thank you for reading, I hope you enjoyed it.</div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
</div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="color: blue; font-size: large;">Trey x</span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
</div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="color: blue; font-size: large;"><a href="http://facebook.com/treyscrotchappeal" target="_blank">(Click here for my Facebook Page)</a></span></div>
BevLivehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15412592445482894288noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6689504534491442831.post-68536269613998852542016-03-23T01:02:00.005+00:002016-03-23T01:02:49.181+00:00Me and Anxitey... hint, we're not friends.Anxiety is a mental disorder which I suffer with on quite a common basis. It is mentally changeable, but during the time of a persons suffering with this (and trust me, it is suffering) you'd think others would be more understanding and helpful, but apparently not, so i'm here to give you my insight in to what it is like to live with this problem on a day to day basis. <br />
<br />
Anxiety can also show itself in the form of attacks, mental breakdowns, day to day living problems, nervous disorders and other more complex issues. My main form of dealing with anxiety is mentally, although it has been known to have an effect on my breathing and mood.<br />
<br />
So when I wake up in the morning, I will look at my phone. While I swipe through the messages and emails and notifications in general, my mind will always look at who has contacted me and who hasn't. Who hasn't replied to a message I have sent them and why. Mental Anxiety will make me think first off that somebody hasn't replied to a message because they do not like me, that I must have done something wrong. If not controlled at this stage, my brain will go on to thinking about previous comments I have said, any past arguments, fallings out etc and this can be draining on you to be thinking all these thoughts first thing in the morning, and it really does slow you down.<br />
<br />
Now at this stage, I will drop contact with people who haven't messaged me. This isn't because I dislike them for not messaging me or anything, but it is to stop me asking them what is wrong all the time and while my brain is thinking there is a situation, it is to stop that situation from getting any worse, a sort of protective measure for both sides, if you please. <br />
<br />
I will explain to you about how my brain reacts when plans change, because this involves physical stuff and that can also have an impact. <br />
<br />
So last week, me and a friend who haven't met up much recently made plans to meet up and go for a meal, maybe a walk around a local town and most of all, a good talk, I mean, friends are there for you to chew their ear off right? We had all the plans set into place. In the morning of that day I had other stuff to be getting on with, which causes me mental stress anyway, but in the afternoon I made contact and said basically "i'm ready, what's the plans" which were met with "I'm not in the mood for going... hope you find something else to do".<br />
<br />
Now for me, that instantly sends the message of... I've done something wrong, so what is it, and it's hard to find an answer when I could be creating a situation in my head that doesn't exist in real life. Since then, there's been no contact between the two of us. My brain keeps thinking that I must have done something wrong, that maybe I didn't come across as excited enough for the other person to be happy about going etc. You do after a while begin to change thoughts, so mine went to thinking maybe she wasn't in the mood for going, maybe there's nothing wrong... but then social media plays it's part when you see that same friend going out with other people, where they could have been going out with you, you see status updates about phone calls they could of / used to have with you, and that just sends me mentally back to stage one. <br />
<br />
It really does weigh you down eventually to where you don't feel like you can take much more and so you begin to cut ties with people after a while, to try and cut down on the mental stress you have to deal with on a daily basis, but sometimes that doesn't help. If anything, it can add to the amount of problems you have, because you wonder what sort of friendship you are missing out on and what could have been had you not cut ties with them in the first place.<br />
<br />
Mental Anxiety is a very difficult thing to try and live with, like I said before, you would think others would be more understanding, but because mental health isn't spoken about openly by most people, nobody knows how to handle you. <br />
<br />
I did hear not too long ago that there's set to be a million pound push on mental health services within the UK, bringing not only better treatment, but awareness to different mental health issues, I cannot wait for this to happen, because maybe then, more people will know what i'm going through and how to handle me. BevLivehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15412592445482894288noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6689504534491442831.post-24895013499925249802016-03-11T06:37:00.001+00:002016-03-11T06:37:21.711+00:00I'm obsessed with a street artist...<iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="270" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/oTw0fEuGctw" width="480"></iframe><br /><br />
<br /><br />
Above is a video of the street performer I have come to know only as Mimo, although the artists real name I am unsure of. I have grown over a few weeks to love this artist and his wacky ways.<br /><br />
<br /><br />
Being a street performer is hard work, it's something even I couldn't do and i'm known to go on a stage and perform for upto 400 people at a time which can be difficult, but with a basic plan in mind, it can be done. This sort of work though, actually being on the street and not knowing your audience or anything, is a scary prospect even for me. Here though you can see, this guy does it brilliantly, and can go anywhere in the world with this act.<br /><br />
<br /><br />
Language is no barrier for this performer as you might have been able to guess, which means that anywhere in the world, he can be sure that people will understand what he means or even the songs that he sing's, which I have seen in the past include the james bond theme, funeral march, wedding march and many more. <br /><br />
<br /><br />
I have still a lot to learn about this artist, but I am 100% a fan of his work. He is brilliantly entertaining and must be a thrill to see in real life, which I would love to see one day. BevLivehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15412592445482894288noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6689504534491442831.post-10320878934122820102016-02-19T12:25:00.001+00:002016-02-19T12:25:18.312+00:00The Insider’s blog: Will NF man's conviction end months of harassment?<a href="http://www.hopenothate.org.uk/blog/insider/will-nf-man-s-conviction-end-months-of-harassment-4756#.VscIe8m0PXo.blogger">The Insider’s blog: Will NF man's conviction end months of harassment?</a><br /><br />
<br /><br />
The above link will take you to a Hope not Hate page which will tell you all about the National Front's campaign in Wigan.<br /><br />
<br /><br />
Wigan is a town near to where I live, so I happen to know many people who live within the area and their points of view, which true to the National Front, is not the same as the NF. <br /><br />
<br /><br />
The NF is a group of mostly convicted men who have nothing better to do than commit violent acts against people, insight hatred against many communities of people including those who are black, female, gay, trans etc, basically anybody who isn't a white male. <br /><br />
<br /><br />
If you wish to think of it as such, it's the UK's answer to the KKK, just this lot have never been in any form of political power and never will be. <br /><br />
<br /><br />
It is time these men grew up, their current actions are the sort that they will come to regret later on in life. I simply refuse to take them seriously while they attend these marches, in numbers so low, you can often count them on one hand, and they often end with at least one person being arrested for a violent crime. I have a feeling I may well attend any future marches of their's in Wigan, just so I can add to the numbers of people who want to be seen to disagree with the members of the NF and what the group actually stands for.BevLivehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15412592445482894288noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6689504534491442831.post-52108793133504318362016-02-07T19:02:00.001+00:002016-02-07T19:02:21.502+00:00Riley's account. <iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="344" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/6UyicWJDZfw" width="459"></iframe><br /><br />
<br /><br />
Ok, this is going to be a long one here, so keep reading if you're interested. <br /><br />
When it comes to content being reported here on Facebook, FB has a duty to inspect what has been reported. For example, you could report a picture of somebody naked, for the image containing nudity or pornography, which is fair enough. FB staff will look at the content and remove it from the site, sending a warning email to the account holder who posted the content which goes against the t&c's of this website. <br /><br />
From time to time however, content will be reported to FB staff which doesn't go against the website's t&c's, in which case, FB staff send an initial warning message to the person who's posted the content under question and once reviewed by staff, no further action is taken.<br /><br />
Then, we come to a case like Riley. <br /><br />
Now the content which has seen Riley's account being blocked on here doesn't go against any of FB's t&c's, in any way at all, however... <br /><br />
Riley's account is under a protection measure because of the amount of content being reported which he has uploaded. None of which, I can hand on heart say, has been against any of FB's terms. However, because of the amount of content reported, his account is semi-closed, which FB staff are looking through all content posted, which is understandable, they want to protect other people from what could be harmful stuff. <br /><br />
This could easily be done within a day, however, FB blocks these accounts for upto (and including) 6 months, even if all reported content is found to still be allowed on this website. <br /><br />
Now, Riley is clearly being harassed by somebody. Riley is one of them guys who posts pictures of his dogs (which are adorable, so I don't think anybody minds them), food that he has cooked, or silly content designed to make the reader or viewer smile. <br /><br />
Facebook Engineering need to look at what process they put accounts through and work on a better time-scale for restoring account services fully. They should also have a think about a possible policy whereby if 1 person is reporting a lot of content which doesn't go against FB's terms, but could be judged as targeting a persons account, then they would be removed as a friend and possibly blocked. <br /><br />
Plenty for FB to do and think about. This IS a case of harassment and FB should be doing more. Please, share this video.BevLivehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15412592445482894288noreply@blogger.com0