https://youtu.be/dub_vXYQUKI
That's the link to my latest video over on the BevRants channel called "I want to kill myself".
Please watch.
Tuesday 8 May 2018
Saturday 5 May 2018
what it's like
When I sit down to write a post my mind goes through a million and one thoughts, typically its "who is going to read this" or "is what I say that important". The truth is of course is that the writing is for my benefit, more than anything. It's a form of therapy and a calming trick used by lots of people who are going through stages of anxiety or even depression.
Today I sit and write down because I feel a better mood is on me, based on how I have been feeling the past few weeks. The loss of close friends hit me hard (I'll be coming onto that topic another time when I have my thoughts together on the matter) and now a close family member in hospital, it just seems to be one of them stages where it's one thing after another.
Don't get me wrong, not everything is bad at the moment, me and my boyfriend have booked a trip away to Scotland for next year, visiting another Haven site and I really cannot wait... check it out...
Looks like it could be good! Me and my boyfriend are very excited for not only the holiday but of course getting to explore Scotland which is a nation of beauty.
As I sit here and write this I'm reflecting on my day so far. It's a Saturday, its hot outside and it's 1:53pm at the moment. Already I've done battle with the clothes drier (which doesn't want to dry clothes), dipped myself and the dog in the pool, got dressed and managed to control my breathing in the pool while it was really cold (it's hard to do, but a trick I learned for anxiety attacks).
Today already I have done a lot, for me, and that's fine. Later on i'll go off to the hospital and visit my relative as she does what she can to make herself better, and i'll also get to spend some time with my mother, which is something I love to do, but not something I get to do all that often.
So, i'm writing this post, it's not very long, but it's an example to myself that I can publish work. I really haven't been in the mood for writing since my last post (oh god that was a while ago), I even downloaded the blogger app to encourage myself to write more, which clearly didn't work.
It's small steps on a bigger journey ive now got to go on to try and improve myself, to get me back to me.
So, see you here more often?
Today I sit and write down because I feel a better mood is on me, based on how I have been feeling the past few weeks. The loss of close friends hit me hard (I'll be coming onto that topic another time when I have my thoughts together on the matter) and now a close family member in hospital, it just seems to be one of them stages where it's one thing after another.
Don't get me wrong, not everything is bad at the moment, me and my boyfriend have booked a trip away to Scotland for next year, visiting another Haven site and I really cannot wait... check it out...
Looks like it could be good! Me and my boyfriend are very excited for not only the holiday but of course getting to explore Scotland which is a nation of beauty.
As I sit here and write this I'm reflecting on my day so far. It's a Saturday, its hot outside and it's 1:53pm at the moment. Already I've done battle with the clothes drier (which doesn't want to dry clothes), dipped myself and the dog in the pool, got dressed and managed to control my breathing in the pool while it was really cold (it's hard to do, but a trick I learned for anxiety attacks).
Today already I have done a lot, for me, and that's fine. Later on i'll go off to the hospital and visit my relative as she does what she can to make herself better, and i'll also get to spend some time with my mother, which is something I love to do, but not something I get to do all that often.
So, i'm writing this post, it's not very long, but it's an example to myself that I can publish work. I really haven't been in the mood for writing since my last post (oh god that was a while ago), I even downloaded the blogger app to encourage myself to write more, which clearly didn't work.
It's small steps on a bigger journey ive now got to go on to try and improve myself, to get me back to me.
So, see you here more often?
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