I'm a British person saying No to war in Syria.

Granted, I have touched upon Syria as a topic before on this blog and of course several times on my YouTube channels, mainly the BevRants channel, over time of course.

Thing is, with Syria, things are changing on almost a daily basis, and a lot of what people say isn't making any sense, it would appear though that we have a lot of people, world over, who want Syrian people to remain in their homes and face an almost certain death, rather than go to the country where they live, because of ____ reason(s).

More recently the british government have been speaking about their support of taking war action in Syria (missing out that we, the british, have been involved in Syria for some time now, but who needs to know about the sale of arms and where exactly the foreign aid budget is going). So the reason I post the title of this post as such, is because I want it to be known that when our political figures, any of them, speak about how "We the british", I want it known now, straight away, that they do NOT speak for me, when it comes to war in Syria against whatever side they want to fight against.

Having such an opinion though is not one that will gain you support or nice comments, indeed, rather the opposite. To now, I have been told that I am crazy, wearing a tin foil hat and my personal favourite is that i'm a "loony lefty". Thing is though, insults aside, many people have opinions which if were put into a political place, would result in the death of millions of people.

I speak of course about the dreaded, refugees.

We have to admit that Syria is a war zone. There is no escaping this fact, you don't even have to do much of a google image search to see the state the country is in and it is of my opinion that not much of Syria can be remaining un-touched by the war efforts of those fighting in the country. I have a difficult time, after seeing this footage and still images, trying to understand where anybody comes from when their opinion is to close the countries borders and leave the refugees with nowhere else to go apart from to remain in a country which will result in their death. Even more amusing to me is seeing where the people with such opinions live, because in many cases it is their country which is contributing to the war in Syria in one way or another.

So in closing on that part, we have to accept Syria for what it is. It isn't a 3rd world country and not all of it's population is muslim, just to set the record straight on those who want to argue that the people fleeing Syria are not poor enough to be classed as a refugee and thus, shouldn't be offered help.

So why do I speak about british war then?

Well, firstly our government is only taking in 20,000 refugees over the next coming years, this is not nearly enough and if we are to go in, we should provide the innocent people with housing. Secondly, we need to look at what has happened to those other places around the world which have taken direct action in Syria and what has happened to them.

France took part in this war a few months ago, and not even a month ago, we all saw the terrible news of what took place in Paris, an attack carried out in the name of revenge for France having started to bomb Syria.

Taking France as the main example then, why oh why would any other country want to get involved in any way, shape or form? If the example is clear for us to see that our innocent people on our innocent shores would suffer, why would we knowingly put ourselves at risk?

If we also were to get involved, we could end up pissing off another country, which is not an option we should ever want to face. How would this be the case? Well, take a look at Russia and Turkey at the moment. A Russian jet flew into Turkish air space and was shot down. Not a big deal? Well, if more incidents like this happen then more countries will begin to fight each other and before we know it, you'll be given your guided tour and welcome meeting as you will have arrived at your destination, world war 3.

So finally, people ask me, with my opinion being the way it is, what is the peaceful options that I speak of. Well, look at what has already taken place which has helped to end all wars to date. It wasn't war that brought an end to a war, it was a peaceful handling of the situation which made people see sense, despite what the original war was over.

We must always, as a world, work to a peaceful agreement, rather than war. In war, we lose innocent people and that, my friends, is never acceptable.

The Paris attacks.

Recently we in the west have been shocked to learn of another round of "terrorist" attacks in Paris, and this time, not a comic book in sight. On Friday just gone, we saw scenes which horror films are made of, as over 100 lives came to a premature end in very horrific ways.

I will of course start this post by saying I do not approve of the attacks, they should never have happened, I hope those who have passed are now at peace and those who survived the attacks to find the help they need to be able to move on, over time of course.

It is when you look into why these attacks took place, that your view may change to what you have been supporting of late. Of course much of social media and the west is happy for france to play the full on victim here, but that simply isn't true.

The truth of it is, France has been involved in the war in Syria. They were warned, as we all were, that if we got involved then we would have lives of our own lost, and as sad as it is to say, that is what has happened in France.

So yes, the politics of that country, caused this attack, in ways that are very similar to what France did only a few months before.

They invaded a country and killed innocent people with bombs, guns, air attacks etc. So, what happened in Paris? People invaded the country and carried out attacks on innocent people. "An eye for an eye" is an old term I've heard many times before, and that is exactly what is happening here.

So, we all know about France and what it has been subjected to. Are you all aware of the other terrorist attacks that have been taking place too?

Many people, sadly are not aware of these other attacks. However, Paris is attacked and I notice nearly all of facebook begins to look like the French flag, even though it was France who went to war in Syria, they were not attacked first, they are the attackers.

Now though, as the weekend concludes of course we want to find somebody to blame for these attacks. The group ISIS have claimed responsibility for the attacks and some funny news has made it's way to me, were apparently, despite nothing being left of the suicide bomber or anything around him, his paper passport has survived, in tact.

How does that work exactly? Paper can now survive bomb blasts? Maybe when the attacks make their way to british shores, I should just wrap myself in passport paper and i'll be able to carry on with life as normal.

People are also wrong when they try to pin the blame on the refugees who are trying to escape ISIS, because, why are they going to come and bomb you, when they, like you and me, don't want to have to live under threat of ISIS or any being killed simply for living in a certain part of the world.

Oh and don't get me started on how many people are wanting to blame Muslims for the attack. ISIS follow the same amount of rules from the holy book of Islam, as I do when trying to cook from a Delia Smith book, you got it wrong Delia, I cook better than you!

Anyway, it's a sad world we live in at the moment, too many lives are being lost, but we, as people, need to look at who the real attackers are, then we can begin to deal with the problem.

Depression and me. Part 1.

Recently I said on a BevRants YouTube video that I was on anti-depressants, which seemed to shock some people. When coming to write material like this, I have found it hard more recently to keep my mind focused on the topic i'm supposed to be dealing with and my sleeping pattern has all but vanished with a constant feeling of tiredness having been over me for the past few months now.

It all seemed to start a small while ago when my nana (grandmother) underwent an operation on what was called a large hernia. The operation itself seemed to go to plan, but bringing her back around from it seemed to take up most of the day, so of course we were all worried. After that she ended up in hospital for the following 2 weeks, almost 3 weeks, because of several complications and much of that time was spent on the hospital's critical care unit, where one day and night in particular, we thought we were on the verge of having said our last goodbye's to her.

As is becoming usual with my nana though, she is stronger than many of us give her credit for and she managed to make a full recovery, which is brilliant news and has reaffirmed to us all, how precious she is in our lives.

During the time all this was going on however, I spent much of my time worried and unable to feel as if I could just "switch off". My days and nights were spent at the hospital waiting around or being in visiting her. Once she made it out of hospital, life could sort of go back to normal for us, only, it didn't for me.

The feeling of being tired took over for me, I found it very rare that I could have a full day without thinking "i really want to be in my bed" and that is how it has stayed. This lack of sleeping ability with some other issues that were going on in my life, lead me to contact my doctor, whom, at my first appointment agreed with me that indeed, some sort of other therapy should be sort after before the use of any drugs to try and see if my apparent depression would be solved this way.

After about a month, it turned out that no, nothing was improving for me, infact, feeling like things were only getting worse is how I would describe that time. So, I went back to the doctors who agreed that now, medication was the only way forward, along with other therapies too, like talking with a councillor etc.

I began my treatment of medication and within a few days, I did notice some improvements, my sleeping pattern seemed to be picking up and I for the first time in along time, felt like I could get a good nights sleep.

That was all well and good up until about 2 weeks ago. I came back onto my youtube creators bit and the thought of making a video, worried me. I quickly closed the page amid thoughts of "what would you do a video about anyway" or "you haven't got a mobile working camera yet, so you can't do it". My feeling of being constantly tired has also come back to trouble me and most of my days now are spent on a bed, sleeping or just having a lack of motivation to do anything.

While it is possible that the medication could be just starting to take effect and that maybe I should look at other medications if I feel this one isn't for me, i'm putting myself out there with this situation.

I know I am not the only person to suffer with even a mild version of depression. It takes on many different forms and I know for a fact that many people reading this will go "yip, that's how it was for me".

I will make other parts to this and try to tell you all as much as I can about my history with depression and hopefully, it might clear my mind and be able to let me go back to being able to focus.

Of all the ghosts...

These days, it takes a lot to scare me. I've done what you would call a "haunted maze" attraction, I've seen the different walk-through's there is to be done and while yes, a few make me jump, it takes a lot for me to be scared.

There's a few things though i'd like to share with you, experiences I have had in the past which to this day still don't sit quite right with me as being OK.

For example, near to where my boyfriend lives, there's a large hill with a large cross on the top as if to signify something. I asked my boyfriend what that was all about and he told me...

When there was an outbreak of TB in the UK, that hill was the base for an open-air hospital. It had walls, windows, but no ceiling, with the idea being that the TB could be cured and move away from the patients, with fresh air. Apparently, it worked and a small while later the hospital was brought down to the ground and a large cross remains, where the hospital used to sit.

Local legend still has it that the area is haunted by the infected. There's a number of tree's in the area and of a night it does make you wonder, who's hiding behind the tree?

That for me seems to be more scary than somebody jumping out trying to scare me, or something I could see on a big screen.

What manages to scare you then dear reader?

Why not let us all know below....

Minority wars.

A small while ago I wrote on this blog about how we are all human's and should treat each other as such. We should all be doing what we can to find out what has caused hunger around the world, learn from the mistakes and begin to work towards a better quality of life for millions of people around the world.

During marriage equality and the whole talk of "gay rights" in the west, I would often come into the firing line from people who said I shouldn't compare gay people to black people, as they are different communities etc. To a certain point, they would be correct, but the struggle for equality is one that is so similar it should worry the world that it is STILL going on... but not for who you may think.

See, the reason I can compare the black community's struggle for equality to the gay community battles is because of a few things. Years ago (although again worryingly, not too many), black people were being told that they were different, that they couldn't marry who they wanted, that they weren't entitled to the same as the white man because the bible said so, as did the laws, usually followed by a white man pointing to some part of the bible and twisting the words to fit what they were saying.

When it came to the marriage equality thing, we saw the same thing happen against the gay community. Too many groups said how it was in the bible that man shall not lie with man... etc, that this is not what god would want etc etc etc. While theres some people that will go "ok, they're the same, but that is all", you're wrong again. How many times do we hear in the news about "a man was killed believed to be because of his sexual orientation" or "a man was killed believed to be a racially motivated attack" or something along those lines. You'll not hear too many cases of them, around the same time however because the media doesn't want to report too much of the same sort of thing happening to different groups of people because they fear the masses would find that boring etc.

It amazes me then, knowing what these two groups or communities of people have been through in the past, that they for one second would try to condemn the other. Knowing how it feels to be treated second class to the rest, always seemingly it's the straight white man who wants to hold on to all the power.

I will come back to this point later though, about the communities being against each other, because, well, that's kind of where I come to the main part of this whole blog post.

It struck me not too long ago about how we, as people, have been treating the muslim community as second class citizens for a long time now, myself included in this (much to my modern day shame to admit that though). I of course having been one of the people who used to believe that 9/11 was a muslim attack, still find pieces of work on my social media from the past where I've made jokes or spoken down about the muslim community, as if each one was responsible for the terrorism attacks through the world, which of course we all know... they're not.

It first dawned on me about the treatment of the muslim community not too long after 9/11. One of the media outlets here in the UK ran a story that a muslim community in New York wanted to build a mosque at the site of the world trade towers that were brought down. Of course as you would expect the story was greeted with the brilliant "fuck them" response, which I gather may have been what the media wanted from that story. I began to explain to my brother, during one heated debate about the topic, that we shouldn't hold a whole community responsible for the actions of a few. He seemed adamant that any mosque built near the world trade centre site would be a huge sign of disrespect for the 9/11 victims and their families and how dare I think the way that I did.

I withdrew from the argument and for a small while felt guilty that I had been so short sited as to want to cause any offense to anybody that was involved in 9/11. Only in later years would I do my own research and come to the conclusion I did about 9/11, which you can read fully about in other blog posts on here.

Not too long ago, I released a video on my BevRants channel on YouTube, which explained something I had noticed.

Interesting isn't it, when you think about the topic from my point of view.

So why would I write this post then?

I saw a video on my facebook timeline (posted by somebody else, i should add) which involves a black woman shouting at a muslim woman, in public, telling her that she isn't welcome in her homeland and should be sent back to where she came from. I sat there amazed at the video, because not even 60 years ago, people would have shouted the same thing at her.

Then it hit me.

We have a LOT of politics that go on all around us, 24/7, and it's stuff they don't want us to know about. So if we're busy arguing amongst ourselves, then they can get on with the politics and be as loud as they want about it... and we'll be dumb enough to allow it to happen.

See, when 9/11 happened, we began a passion of hatred against Islam and the muslim community and what happened? We were blinded, seeing red, when we supported action to go after bin laden, what happened? We started a war in a completely different country, where we KNEW that bin laden wasn't living! Support began to twindle after not too long, so what happened, 7/11 in the UK! we pushed then for more soldiers to go to fight against this terrorist group, without knowing... we were in th wrong part of the world to be going after their leader like we were supposed to!

We took out of power Saddam Hussain, because he was "evil"... he was never a threat to us people in the west! While i agree, he's not the prime example of a great leader of a country, it has to be said... we were the terrorists that went in to another country and killed millions of people!

So it's why i hate seeing about the Kardashians in the news, because at the time they're all running to the bedside of some alcoholic ex found almost dead in a whore house, the news should be reporting on how America blew up a hospital in Syria, claiming that they are fighting against the Islamic state, having been arming them and training them for however long they did.

You see where i'm coming from here?

The longer we hate each other, the more we are missing about the destruction of humanity as we know it and we need to wake up before it's too late.

America, the UK, we are at war in Syria. It hasn't been in your media because they don't want you to know that we are, incase you decide to scrutinise your countries actions and you're not happy with them, but trust me, we are at war and we are NOT the good guys.

So before it's too late, find out what is happening in your world, and as any holy scripture will tell you, love thy neighbour as if thy self.

GoggleBox

We live in a very interesting time in the world at the moment. It hasn't been made official yet, but we really are not too long away from going in to a world war 3 situation and yet, you'd be amazed at how many people are ignorant to the fact.

My social media accounts are very interesting at the moment. Of course I still have my friends on them, who post and share content which will keep your mind busy for a while or bring out the caring side in you for a while, but then I have the other side to my social media. The side which manages to keep me informed as to what is going on around the world. It's how I have come to form many of my opinions on some of the topics I am very vocal about, like Muslim people being treated as second class citizens, to the current refugee crisis faced by the world at the moment.

It's why then, of late, when it comes to writing a piece like this, my mind boggles with the topics that I could talk to you about on here. While on the one hand I have a half ton of stuff going on in my life that I wouldn't feel happy posting about, there's topics of stuff which is going on in governments for example, that are that complicated, I am confused as to where to begin and how to explain it to people, forget trying to motivate them to take action as I would want all people to do.

I think I saw an incite into a friends life the other night though and it struck me as "this is what is wrong with the world".

See, the other week I was staying at my boyfriends house and I always like to sleep with the TV in the bedroom left on. At some silly hour like 3am, I woke up and couldn't get back to sleep, but on the TV was this programme, GoggleBox. It's a show I'm sure many of you will have heard of, where the concept is you sit and watch people who are sat watching tv. Apparently some of the people on the show are funny and I should enjoy watching, but as I was sleepy, I didn't stay awake too much longer to be able to enjoy this content that people have been raving about since the shows creation.

Skip forward a few nights and we come to when me and my friend got together. It's rare that we get together these days and have a few drinks and a laugh like we used to, we have both got a lot going on in our lives and sometimes, friends just don't get to see each other that much... we're at one of those fazes. It always makes me happy to see her though and so we began to pour out the drinks and sit on the couch ready for a night of putting films, shows and music on the TV and talk over all of them while the alcohol slowly takes effect, before sobering up with a cup of tea and the usual taxi being called etc.

As my laptop was having problems connecting with the TV, the TV kept putting on... GoggleBox.

My friend said we should watch it and I should give it time to be able to find it funny. We sat and watched for a while before the thoughts came into my head... this is what is wrong with the world.

Not the show itself, of course, its producers and makers are all doing very well at making a show, but I couldn't help letting my mind wonder about what was going on in the real world. For example, while i'm sat here watching people, watching tv, there's thousands of people on the run from a country which is now starting to look like the famous "no mans land" from world war 2. That the government is giving away billions of pounds in aid, while people in the UK are left to go without money, food, electricity, even housing, because the government "can't afford it".

It strikes me as funny, because my friend doesn't do politics. I always tell her to vote, but she, as do many other people, has a hard time connecting to politics and having an idea of what is going on, much less being able to think (as I do) differently to what the government says or does. For example, opposing a law coming in and how you can raise your voice to speak out against law changes etc.

It does make you sometimes, want to give up knowing what is going on in the real world. It makes you want to submit to a way of living I know wouldn't make me happy. It makes me want to stop speaking out when I see something wrong, because not many others I know are doing it.

When it was the turn of the UK to vote in the government elections, when you see how many people didn't use their vote, it makes me wonder why any of us bothered to vote at all. Surely all these people can't not understand politics, surely somebody, somewhere, must have seen a post by an activist and still not gone to vote...

So, sit back, enjoy the TV programmes, i'll go and make the cup of tea and question if it is worth getting worked up on real world issues anymore.

The smiler - latest news and my take.

Above, you'll see the video of when I took to the internet in shock to report the on-going's at Alton Towers after the crash which saw a ride train of people injured and some even losing limbs.

News has been coming out about the theme park all year since this incident as the british media try to stalk the park and make as much news as they can, but the most recent news to come out of the park has had people in shock.

The news broke not too long ago that Alton Towers wanted to re-open the ride, only a government restriction on the park meant that the ride remains closed to the public until the health and safety executive had concluded it's findings (I also believe they are close to coming out with their investigation details).

This news really did shock some people and I think it is possibly un-fair, but a failure is on the way for the theme park.

Going back to before the incident on the ride, the Smiler was a brilliant attraction and it wasn't too long before I had friends telling me of how the que's could often be almost 3/4 hours long just for 1 ride on this world first. Alton towers themselves had spent millions branding the ride and building it, only to have it plagued by problems, even before it opened.

So how are we all so shocked?

I personally am a little shocked at this news that they want to re-open the ride too. To be completely honest I feel they can re-open it, but it would not be welcomed back to the british public, its reputation is too tarnished and I don't see the ride having a long life-span, if it was to re-open. However, I cannot argue against it's safety if it was to re-open, since it would be the government to clear it to be open again, and let's face it, despite all it's set-backs and incidents, the ride itself has managed thousands of sucssesful trips and given thousands of people a ride to never forget.

What will happen if they re-open the ride?

It's possible that the Smiler could become a popular ride again, however the main perception of the ride to the british public now, is that it isn't safe, given the major incident earlier this year and of course we're still waiting to see what the cause of the incident was. That said, you may never see a long que for this ride again.

Would they consider closing it and removing from the park for good?

Of course. Alton towers owners (Merlin) have only said that they would like to re-open the ride, not that it WILL open. If the result of the investigation is of one that cannot be resolved, as in an actual floor in the rides design, then of course Merlin are not going to ever want to purposely put a customer's life at risk.

So what is the actual news of The Smiler? What is it's fate?

At the moment, not even Merlin know. There is no / will be no news officially speaking on the ride until the government's report is completed. Then and only then can Alton Towers make a decision on wether to re-open the ride and we can make the decision to ride or not ride.

Media distraction?

For some time now I've had a big problem with the large media companies around the world, being selective in what they report and how they report it.

For example, at first, the refugee crisis which is happening because of the war in Syria etc, was being reported as many immigrants trying to leave, then it went to migrants and now it is down to what it is, refugees, with not one of the media outlets trying to explain the difference between them all.

It is possible that it has been over-looked, but if the media is going to be reporting on some stories, they need to ensure that all bases are covered and that people know the truth.

It's also why I've had such a large problem with the media of late. There's a cute story/video doing the media rounds at the moment which tells the story of an elderly couple and the woman is on a bed and the husband sings to her, it's cute, but I think this could be serving up as a large distraction as only certain media outlets are reporting on this and not other things which are happening around the world.

Let's indeed take Syria for example, re-wind time and what happened there?

The people were rising up against their government, as was being done in several other countries at the time. The Syrian government stood its ground and eventually was called out for using force against it's own people, including (but not limited to) the use of chemical attacks against it's own people.

Not long after this first started being reported, the story seemed to be removed from the media. It's possible that people found the story boring and no longer wished to continue to read or hear about it, but look how that worked out... Because the next time the media returned to the country it was because the "Islamic" state had invaded the country and people were having to flee the country because it was as it is now, a war zone.

I not only condemn the media for dropping the stories of Syria, but because they stopped doing their reporting, many in other parts of the world didn't speak up and try to put and end to what was happening in the country.

Now for them, it's too late. We have a humanitarian crisis and it's not going to end anytime soon.

This isn't the only fault of the media though and there's a right wing man behind it.

Rupert Murdoch and his family.

Murdoch owns some of the most powerful news agencies in the world and can push through it's right-wing agenda stories to try and get the masses scared of literally everything. Fox news, Sky News, The daily mail, the Sun... you name a bad news outlet and i'm sure in one way or another, the Murdoch family is behind it.

For the future of this sort of media I worry, because people are starting to see the truth about topics that without the internet years ago, we would have never been able to research these said topics and find out the truth for ourselves.

Jeremy Corbyn, seemingly from the left of politics, has much of this media scared. He thinks differently and encourages other people to do the same, that is what they don't like. If you have seen any of the media recently and they have been running stories like "He didn't sing the national anthem" or "He won't get elected", even though to win the Labour leadership he was elected...

If you see any of them, then that media platform is scared, and probably some where along the line, Murdoch is involved.

I've been so quiet! Blame Curries PC World!!!

Welcome back .... ME!

Hi!

Many people have noticed that on some social media platforms I have been quiet for some time now, there's a very good reason for this... My laptop.

My laptop is what helps me to create content, be it in written form like this or in video form for youtube. It is what I consider, a bit of a money maker for me, since I get paid for most of the content I create.

In July of this year however, I was creating a BevRants video for my youtube channel. Now when I go to record these I use a USB headset, because I've found in the past laptop mic's are kinda crappy and tend to pick up more background noise and make you sound really far away, even when you're not. I recorded the video as I would have normally but began to want to take the headset off, which I did. I un-plugged the headphones and... no sound. It is a problem I had delt with once before, but I was halfway through editing, I didn't want to have to come back to the work (editing my video's is what a person could so easily call a living hell).

I finished off the video and a small while later, I reset the laptop, the sound was back on... but not for long. Infact, over the night, I had many problems trying to get the sound to work once again, so it wasn't too long before I took the laptop back to where it had been bought.

Let's face it, in December last year when my other half Suny said "I'll buy you a laptop for Christmas", we didn't get a cheap one. At just short of £700 it was one of the most expensive things I think I have ever been given. It's mainly though because of the processor on the inside of the laptop, called an i7. i7 can manage ultra HD video, it can be quick to create the content I want to, it looks good, feels good... this was the laptop for me, only, now things were going wrong.

The staff at curries at first tried to boot up the laptop in store, it was taking a while so was booked in to see what this problem was, nothing about the sound. So you can imagine a week later when I go to get the laptop back out of repair, it wasn't long before the sound issue came back, as did the laptop, to them.

4 times all in all the laptop was sent back, before I received the letter saying "I've replaced the motherboard" which is what I had been saying was at fault. I knew it wasn't a software issue, yet I've nearly had arguments with the staff who have said it must be something I have been doing, or that it IS a software fault, to which I said "If it was a software fault, why am I back with the same problem again".

Needless to say this is the very short version of the story... but what is the plan now the laptop is back.

Well, this version of LWB and BevRants are what I class as "Irregular Uploads", meaning there's no schedule as to when content goes live on these things, which is fine, I can go back to doing them when i'm ready.

The video version of LWB is what is causing me the biggest heart ache of all. It got to the point I was doing weekly uploads on the FLT channel and it was getting to be a headache because so much was going on in my life that I couldn't talk about on camera for fear of pissing somebody off or having to be told "you should take that down" to which my answer is always a pleasant "no". I think I will return to doing the LWB video's, but I don't think it will be anytime soon.

See one of the biggest challenges I have involves my BevRants channel, which soon will be having it's 100th video go live on the channel... and there's a LOT happening for that, which is going to be a lot of work, but hopefully, it'll go down well on the channel... but that again is something I can't talk about... or, more, won't, because I want to keep the surprise!

Anyways, that's the short version of the story... hopefully i'll be back on here sometime soon with some fun stuff or thought provoking stuff... whatever earns me money hey!

A year in...

It's an almost alien concept to me that i'd be in a committed relationship for a year, never did I think that either myself, or my dream other half would be able to cope with each other for that long.

My love life has always been one of miss-trust, no trust and no fun. I've often spent time looking in the wrong place for love and the time I took myself away from it all, was the time I got it.

The story of how I met my other half isn't really amazing, it was a website called Badoo, where you rate other people based on their looks, of course, I voted him a 10 and received a 10 vote back... which is when I messaged him.

I was busy going through a time in my life where I wasn't wanting to start anything serious, but purely for the fear of being hurt. I had a lot of gay friends I had made, some very good looking ones that I got on well with and I could imagine myself being with... but I never took the big risks to make anything happen, because the times I did, as has more often than not been the case, i'd be rejected, which is never a nice feeling.

I'd been messaging Suny for some time before we met, I think about 6 months in total. We got on well as friends and we had arranged to meet up several times before we actually did, but i'd get let down by him, because he'd not turn up and send no messages. One day though, he did turn up.

I remember i'd come back from work and been tired as i'd been up working since 6am, we arranged to meet up as we usually did and I returned home, after walking the doggy, I climbed on the bed, ready to receive another message saying he couldn't come, or i'd be ignored, in either case, nothing would happen for me.

An hour or so later, my phone buzzed and woke me up, I didn't even know i'd nodded off, but I must have! I was slumped over the end of the bed, wow, I must have been tired! I looked at my phone, the message said "I think i'm here", I said ok and quickly began to throw some clothes on since I've always found it best to not meet up naked on the first date.

After a few minutes, I made my way downstairs... no sign of anyone. I called him and said "Where are you?" and he said he was infront of the brown fences... WHAT brown fences????

I remembered a while ago when a friend of mine had come to visit, that my postcode can actually take you onto a different road altogether, so, I made my way around to this other road, while on the phone to Suny. THERE. HE. WAS.

I was scared, but remained calm somehow. I made my way over to the car... and my god, the pictures weren't fake, he did look like that... omg... what the hell was going on?

I got into the car and we went to the nearby McDonalds for a drink, which is where we sat in the car going through music and I discovered he is a fan of Justin Bieber. At this point, I suppose I should have gotten out and ran away, but no, I thought, i'll give him the benefit of the doubt. We chatted and chatted and eventually drove on to another car park up at the top of a hill near me. We took a little walk through the woods and went and sat in a park.

Nobody else was around, just us two talking. My memory does fade at this point, but I believe it was here we had our first kiss, or certainly the idea crossed my mind anyway. Eventually though, the sun was going down (the one in the sky, not the one I was on a date with) and it was time to be heading home. I said to Suny that he was welcome to come into mine and meet my dog, which he did. We sat and watched TV and did begin all the kissing and such.... But NO, ladies and gents, he did NOT stay over, nor did we have SEX... I do have SOME morals... just, don't know where they are.

Anyway....

It has been over a year since that happened. This post marks the day when we were lay out on the couch in my living room and Suny ever so romantically said "So, you gonna be ma boy then"... I know, whoever said romance was dead hey? ... And I accepted.

It's shocking for me, it really is, to have gone through with my love life the way it has been, getting cheated on by my first boyfriend, to this... I've no idea how it all works, but I didn't think I could sit here and say "I've been in a relationship, for a year" ever.

So... Here's to another year... Who knows what this next year holds hey!

Gays VS Islamic State

I've just got done watching a 3 minute report on a tv news channel about how the Islamic State or IS as i'll call them in this post are now hunting down gay men and killing them.

While yes, there is proof of this happening, I think it is important to remember that this is not the only organisation which is carrying out this sort of action against the LGBT community.

World-wide the LGBT community faces hate crimes of all different levels, none of which is acceptable by modern day standards... NOBODY HAS THE RIGHT TO TAKE A PERSONS LIFE.

Back to the IS though, why are they doing this?

Well, for that, we need to look at the leaders of the IS. It is not ran by any part of the Koran. It's life-style is based on one of opinion, repression and greed for the leaders. It has to be said then, right here and right now, that only if you twist the words does any religion "hate" on a minority, this is true for the Islamic faith too.

Gay men seem to be the main target for the IS though, because the leaders have no understanding of what being gay actually is, nor are they interested in equality for anybody, which of course would gain support from the rest of us for war action to be taken... but that isn't the right way.

People speak volumes with movement. If you're in a part of the world which doesn't treat you the way you want to be treated and nothing is set up for you to be able to create the change you want to, then you need to leave, and now.

Yes, lives are in danger, of course they are, but nothing will change soon unless we call for change. The main question now then is, what are you going to do about it?

The benefit death figures

It has come into the news more and more recently that the government here in the UK should reveal the figures that they have, which are to do with how many people have died within a certain time period after their benefits have been stopped. It is a complex topic to approach, so i'll try to explain things as best I can on here.

Ian Duncan Smith is the leader of the Department of Work and Pensions or DWP for short. This government department is currently the one in legal battles, trying to avoid releasing the figures, since their was an outcry after the last figures released a number of years ago, revealed 1,300 people had died after having had their benefits stopped.

Within the DWP theres many different types of benefits and many different types of stoppages of benefits, so here's some below.

The DWP manage a brand called the "Job centre plus", these deal mainly with the un-employed, here's how their benefits can be stopped.

3 length types of benefit stoppages.

4 week, 13 weeks or 26 weeks (upto 3 years).

These are done on a scale, but will not only have an impact on the persons physical income, but the DWP will inform whoever they can that you are not entitled to any other form of benefit including housing benefit. This means when you are placed into a sanction period, you will have no income and your rent will not be covered. Meaning, the landlord will still want to be paid, but how, when you have no income, is a question the DWP refuse to answer.

You can have your benefits stopped via the Job centre if you don't receive your post, as I know personally. Other reasons have included attending a funeral, attending a job interview and looking for too many jobs.

The DWP also over-see's the DLA, which is what disabled people claim as they are not fit for work, or need extra funds to help them live day to day with extra costs for care etc.

DLA has been stopped for people claiming it as most claimants of this benefit will be able to tell you of the ATOS fit for work interview. ATOS was a French company the british government hired to find if people were genuine in their claim for this benefit and to see if any could actually be working. They were told to be tough and their actions have themselves caused deaths.

The amount of deaths caused by this colaberation has never been revealed, I personally feel its because it is a high figure. The press over time have revealed some of these deaths, but not all. For example, an ex-nurse with slipped disc's in her spine, was declaired fit for work, even though her movement is painful and I would presume her doctor would have ordered rest.

The stoppage of this DLA benefit isn't in a set time period. I have heard of cases where people have been told they will need to attend a meeting and until the meeting has been conducted, they will not receive their benefit, then been placed on a waiting list, sometimes waiting over a year. I have heard too many cases of people being declaired fit for work, and dying as a result, either by their benefit being stopped, or other means, as their life becomes un-liveable.

There's also been "errors" on both sides too, DLA and the job centre plus have, from time to time, had to apologise as a wrong decision was made, although in most cases, this decision comes too late as the person has already died.

The appeals process is a joke, i'm not even going to get started on that, just take it from me, it's pathetic.

The end result is that yes, the public are not going to be happy. The benefit system is their to support people during difficult times and yet, the people running it are literally killing people, so we, the public, want to know how many.

This is why I URGE you to CLICK HERE and sign the petition and call for the government to make these figures public. We have been promised for years that we will have a see-through style government and this is yet another example of how things are being hidden from us, not for our own good, but for them to hide the ugly truth.

Kay Burley

Recently I did a video about an accident which took place at Alton Towers theme park, UK.

At the time this is being written, the main cause of the accident has still not been announced to the public, as the health and safety executive of the UK steps in to conduct their own investigations. It is during this time however that Merlin Entertainments, who operate Alton Towers resort, put forward Nick Varney as their company front-man. He has been the one to go and under-take the television interviews and radio interviews since the day of the incident itself, and to be fair, he had been doing a good job, I say had, because that was until he met... Kay Burley.

Kay Burley is a "news reporter" for Sky "News", a channel well known in the UK for it's over-reaction to almost everything, which fit's in well with the rest of the Sky brand.

Sky as a brand, is owned mostly by 21st century fox... were have you heard of them before?

Indeed, we have all seen them titles behind many of our much loved programmes and films. 21st century fox is owned and ran by who then????

That's right, not for long, but the owner of the company is Rupert Murdoch. A rather wealthy, vile piece of scum, given his actions and the way he has set up his companies to run under his dictatorship.

For example, one of the brands he owns is fox news....

Racist much?

So as you can see, Fox news is a little... messed up. Not a surprise then when you learn that Sky "News" here in the UK is stirring up trouble.

It's round, to do with Alton Towers, involved a rather rude Kay Burley....

Now here, as you can see, Nick is trying to explain what he can about the incident, while apologising that it happened, adding that another layer of safety is being put onto the rides, for example, where they might have been able to send a train every 10 seconds, they may now wait until 15 seconds... or something like that. However, that doesn't seem to be enough for Kay, oh no, she only seems to be happy if you're left bleeding after on of their interviews.

So does it come as a surprise that she was, the way she was, with Nick Varney? ... No, it shouldn't.

She, while on Sky "News", is owned by Rupert Murdoch, the man who has set up this empire of what appears to be the far right, managing to twist the news, every which way they can.

Look, i'm not going to go on and on about this, but what I will say is don't waste your time with the likes of Fox news and Sky "News", because these are nothing but a corporation, out to make as much money as they can, with no ounce of human dignity being spared here. Kay Burley, yes, is a nasty, vicious cow, who doesn't deserve to be on the air... but Sky doesn't care about that, because she pulls in viewers, who are waiting to see how rude she will be next time, and she doesn't have the conciunse to make herself stop and question what she is doing.

If you would like to though, you can sign a petition to have her removed from the air... but I ask you this, what is the point? If it is not her, then it WILL be somebody else.

The dreaded birthday issue....

June is for some, the middle of the year, for others, it's a time when they can go to the shops and begin to buy some summer style clothes because the weather is starting to turn more summery... why wouldn't you love the month of June?

For me, it's because it's the month of my birthday. For too many years I've had a problem with my birthday and any of my friends can tell you.... I'm a nightmare when it comes to my own birthday. While for others this is a day to be happy and do something you'll remember forever, I'm applying that motto to every day that I live my life. Don't get me wrong, I fully understand that each one is an achievement and i'm more than happy I am able to be breathing on each birthday, I have a problem with how the whole thing is ran, which is why in recent years, my friend Sian has always been the one to organise something, everything from a full on concert and hotel stay-over, to a night out of my choice with people whore are/were in my life at the time.

I think my issues go back to my childhood. It is with a sentence like that I suppose I should climb onto the big red leather couch and begin my session with the shrink, but I feel it is true. My birthday parties from years ago were never really of enjoyment, more just doing things on my birthday, because, well, that's what got done.

It's nothing against the people who tried to run my childhood parties, infact my mother would often go to great expense to throw me the day that I said I wanted, but I only wanted them days because... that's how it happened for everyone else. If I could explain to you here... I was never the popular child in school, from primary level right through until the end of high school... it wasn't fun for me being in school... so you can always imagine my sort of, lack of joy, when over half of my classmates would turn up to my house and enjoy the bouncy castle and cake and have a good time, and I would be sat there thinking about how I wasn't enjoying myself that much and when would I be able to do what I wanted?

Later in life I did get to have a better control over my birthday parties, but in my teen years, I don't remember doing something for every birthday. Don't get me wrong, presents we're always given and i'd get to see the people who were in my life that I loved lots and lots, but I still didn't make a massive fuss about this one special day.

After school years were over my birthdays of course took the change of... involving alcohol. For my 18th I had a party, at my mothers if I remember correctly, for my 21st, i'd arranged 2 nights out... and yeah, around those times I did enjoy my birthdays... but there was still the awkward things which happen on the day... like the terrible singing of "happy birthday".

It is so awkward to stand there and have everyone sing at you. While yes it is designed to make you feel special, I can't help but let me toes curl that little bit more and wonder what i'm expected to do as everybody sings along.

So, this year, we come to what'll be my 27th year alive, and i'm super proud to say, i'm already busy on my birthday, entertaining at a party... for the first time in years i'm too busy to have to go through the awkward stuff like having to have people sing happy birthday to me!

Don't get me wrong, I still love to be given presents, be able to meet up with people who are loved by me and of course, spend time with people I don't get to see all that often... but it's quiet, like any other day, this year... and I've a feeling I could like it.

Bruce? Is that you?

Many people have been shocked over the past few days and weeks, as the picture from vanity fair took the internet by storm...

Now, to most people reading this, you'll know the person in the above image to be trans, or, previously called "Bruce Jenner". The internet has exploded recently, reffering to Caitlyn as Bruce... but there's some problems with this...

Bruce Jenner, as a being, no longer exists. Caitlyn does, Bruce doesn't. We should establish this basic fact.

Caitlyn is transgender, and I believe the procedure isn't complete yet, but will be soon, but there does become a point where it is offensive to call a trans person by a previous name of theirs, if they no longer wish to be known as that person.

For example, it's like a stage name.

Nobody sit's at home and called Rihanna "Robin", we all call her Rihanna, because that's what she wants to be known by, which is fine... but why do so many people have a problem with calling Caitlyn, Caitlyn. People I wouldn't have expected to see hate from, have crawled out from the wood-work, to say some pretty horrible things, while this story has been making news.

This is only going to be a short post, and i'll finish it off by saying this all shows just how much work the trans community has ahead of it, in order to gain equality. The trans community should actually know, they have supporters out there... and we're trying to be as vocal as the hate!

The east vs the west.

We're in a weird time in this world.

It seems the world is divided, and it's only getting worse.

Two of the worlds most evil men, meeting together and making jokes of the west, for all to hear and see. The point?

I can only presume the whole point of this exercise was to try and show to the world that these two places are not wanting to become "friends" with the west anytime soon. Both of these men have a terrible track record when it comes to human rights. They're both behind many thousands of deaths, and nobody, not even the west, is stopping them.

I should point out that i'm not the biggest fan of the west either. I think that while we have a better standard of life, we are still far from perfect. We have our own political problems, we have human rights issues.... but our way of life, under democracy, is still a little better than the way of life in Russia, which is a nation calling for the soviet union to be brought back to life!

The video above you can tell is just there to provoke anger... war soon then?

Too much negative stuff to list!

Over the past week or so in the UK, we've had a nice bit of sunshine. The temp got up too, so it was of course making me happy. Typical then, that the day the rain really did return, would be the day it finally hit me just how much negative stuff there is in the world.

After a day of just pushing anybody and everybody and thing away, I finally took to social media to part-vent my frustration with the world i'm in and let people know... i'm not happy about everything! Which may come as a shock to some people because everybody think's I post everything on social media, which trust me, if you knew the half of it... you'd know I don't. I also do try and have a positive or a humoured look at the world, but there's only so long you can do that before you have to take a step back and go... "this is shit".

So, my facebook post... let's go through it then...

Billion and one things I could take to facebook and rant about, but, instead, an hour and a half chat with a friend and somehow the air feels a little more clear... in one way... more cloudy in another... so that's fun.

I really was on the phone to my friend for an hour and 32 mins to be exact. Not like that is anything new for us, it's just been a while since we have spent that amount of time on the phone together. When it comes to the cloud thing, it was over an issue which I won't go into detail about, but let's just say, people aren't being as upfront with me, as I would be with them. Instead, they talk to others about their issues, which eventually works it's way back to me... leaving me slightly more pissed off.

Thing is, with the cloud reference, it's that I was thinking one thing, which me and my friend talked through and sort of cleared that, but then there's other issues, which I was oblivious to, which have now come to light... so that's creating more cloud... if that makes sense... probs doesn't, but welcome to my facebook.

You know, I think I need a break from negative stuff, I really do. I surround myself with negative news, as I try to keep a track on what is happening in the world, like fukushima leaking dangerously high levels of radiation into the sea, like Russia STILL having a war over land which isn't theirs!

It's true. I follow news stories which has a negative impact on me, because I look at a certain situation and think "holy shit, somebody should do something about that"... but then nobody does anything, and since i'm still not a prime minister, I can do nothing! So yeah, the Fukushima power plant still leaking into the sea, is costing the lives of animals and doing damage to our planet. I'd have thought more people would have cared about this, but it's one of them... it's no longer making headlines, so not many people care.

The whole Russia thing. I've been complaining about Russia for years over it's treatment of LGBT people, an issue which STILL to this day is going on! Now that, has been brought back to the public eye abit recently when the BBC sent a crew over to Russia to see about the treatment of LGBT people... it documented what it saw and completely backed me up in saying... the treatment of these people is still shit! But of course, the only thing we hear about Russia, if anything, is about how they're having this war, claiming land, which isn't theirs... etc!

So, not much positive stuff to be found in those news stories... and they're only examples, their is so much more!!!!

Negative stuff finds its own way to me. I mean, 90% of the people on my facebook alone, wouldn't know how it feels to have your life's options broadcast on the TV, being told you don't deserve the same rights as everybody else, but welcome to the same-sex marriage debate which is once again the top trend on my FB, as not only the American supreme court makes a ruling, but now Ireland.

The Ireland thing has been making news recently as they go to vote over marriage equality. It's always a risk wondering what way they will vote, but I think the majority of people are going to vote for it... I know some high profile people are certainly in support of it.... (Click here to see a popular irish entertainer talking about the vote)

Thing is, that's close to home and yet there the people are... talking about me. Not by name, but some saying I shouldn't be treated the same as others. Ok, so that's about marriage, there's others that will go further and say I shouldn't be allowed to raise children... well, why not? When the time is right, i'm sure I could be a good parent... so, why not?

I finished off my facebook post on a lighter note...


Me thinks... this is the time I need a day at a spa.
I said I need a day at a spa.
A SPA.
Nobody?
Right, fine, i'm just going to sit here and be moody then.
And that was it.

Like I say, this doesn't scratch the surface of my mind, but it's a simple way of me saying... I ain't happy about stuff. Stuff, that will get sorted one day... but one thing at a time.

Question is... is it me?

This post is going to possibly explain my mood of late, it's as truthful as I can be within a public forum. I am left confused after the breakdown of several relationships around me and as much as I want to just shout at people to be brutally honest with them, with the full intent of being honest to get their relationships back on track, I feel that my mood is causing them people who need shouting at, to think I have an issue with them, as in, me personally.

I don't have many issues with people truth be told. The past year or so I've relaxed my attitude in to just letting people think they're correct, with the odd outburst here and there from me, to correct people from time to time when I think they need it, plus, a little part of me still loves to throw my opinion in there every now and again.

I do however find myself unable to talk to many people about the issues, because it seems most people around me have issues. It's not just relationships, it's down to things like health problems, day-to-day living problems, mental issues and a lack of understanding. Don't get me wrong, i'm fully aware that I have people around me who will always say "You know you can talk to me", but how can I, if they are causing part of my problems?

It's because of this and my sort of "put up and shut up" attitude which is making me feel like I have to bottle things up. Most of my issues I can put to the back of my mind and help others deal with their problems, but from time to time, I would love a little bit of me time, just doing some random things. Sometimes, I like to be quiet, curl up and read something of interest or amusement online... but when that happens, i'm told i'm being ignorant, not myself, not sociable and not being helpful. This goes with a feeling of being over-worked and under appreciated.

I do have a good set of friends and family, i'm surrounded by positivity, randomness and love... but sometimes I just want to scream out the famous Pink lyrics... "Leave me alone i'm lonely".

Time-out from my world can sometimes be absolutely ideal for me, it can prove to be a sort of... break, from me being me.

Many people have the wrong impression of me. They think I am the entertainer who should be on stage, playing my music, telling terrible jokes and just being the life and soul of the party. I put it down to being a Gemini, which is the twins sign, that being the entertainer is only one side to me. The other side is shy, quiet, reserved, interested, questioning and informative... sometimes opinionated, but if you've ever subscribed to my "BevRants" channel, you might have already guessed that.

Thing is though, the root cause... what am I doing about it?

Well, i'm sticking by me, for now. I'm putting myself first and for once, i'm not doing things that don't make me happy. For example, tonight, I had the offer of going to a friends house for my tea and... I dunno, probably ended up on the playstation or something. It isn't what I wanted from my day. My day, already, had been really busy, and part of me, seeing the sunshine, didn't want to go and be inside. I wanted to spend as much time as possible outside... and more importantly, with my dog, Trey.

When it comes to Trey I do often feel bad for him. He is my little buddy and we work well together. He's always by my side and 24/7, I know if I called him... he'd be right there looking at me for my command. Sometimes i'm away from him for up to 7/8 maybe even 9 hours. I miss him and he misses me (even if thanks to the CCTV I have in my home, I can watch live as he sleeps the time away). So, days like today, where it's been lovely and warm, and while I have the time, I love to go out and spend time with him, even if it's just taking him to a field, it's something that makes him happy... so why not treat him!

It turns out that thanks to car problems, I couldn't get anywhere tonight, instead, finding out that my boyfriend's car has a leak from the power steering, which could cost quite a bit to put right. Still though, that's not the point, point is, if I could have gone out to make me happy... i'd have gone, because it made me happy.

In other parts of my life... i'm working on it. I'm now in a relationship, which everybody knows, takes up time, as they all do, which meant for a while there was a difficult balance in my life. Wanting to set the relationship up good, and be able to spend time with my other half, or, spend time with my friends. I chose to get the relationship up and running. I didn't exactly stop meeting with my friends, but with some, it went to long periods of no contact at all, which is now an issue that i'm working on.

Thing's are coming together, but do you, dearest reader, ever get the feeling that you're just not getting the "me" time you want? Do you feel that you're being pulled left, right and centre and to stop yourself from becoming torn, just need to say "this is what makes me happy, so i'm doing it"?

More than likely, the latter, not so many people will relate to... but that's the stage I feel i'm at. So sure, on social media, I may appear to be angry at times, in person, I may be too... but as the song goes... leave me alone, i'm lonely.

All them debates!

 As we come up to the time to vote here in the UK (May 8th 2015), TV networks have been trying to push politics down our throats... and with good reason.

ITV were the first to attempt to do such with their political debate between a staggering 7 parties, all of whom stand a good chance of winning as they all have very valid points to make. Thing is though, a lot of what gets said and by whom, is always a problem for people who don't understand politics, so hopefully this written piece will shine lights on some of the "big issues" that are going to be used to gain political points as we come up to voting time.

Immigration.

Immigration is a hot topic during this debate, brought around mainly by the UK party, UKIP. They want to say that most of the UK's problems are brought around because of Immigration, in saying, the strain put on the NHS, both in waiting times and finances, which could be seen by many as to "oh, that's why the NHS is struggling". Many on the other side of the debate though would say that in recent years, the NHS has had a lot of financial cuts made on it's budgets, from every angle. This is why in the news at the moment they're speaking about how the NHS needs 8 million pounds, and this is to secure that the reduced level of services they're running can be secured.

Immigration as a whole for the UK has seen increases in the past couple of years, as people, world over, try to come to the UK for a better life. These problems are the same world over, immigration can be seen as a problem, or, it can be managed. In recent years we have chosen to manage it, and some parties have said they will do what they can to end it.


Housing.

Housing isn't available, the UK is facing a shortage of housing and this is one issue that should have been delt with in the past, but hasn't been. Many people are still finding themselves the victim of the recession and subsequent austerity measures in thinking "hmm, where has my money gone, this house costs too much to run". The housing market itself really did suffer when the recession first started to hit. Left right and centre these housing companies had to close their doors, lay off their staff and most regrettably, stop building housing. We now find ourselves short of housing, as you'd expect.

Laws have been changing already though let's not forget. The un-popular "right to by scheme" has even had a bit of a dusting off and a re-wording here and there, but is still the same principle of buying your own home if you rent off a council, giving you a chance at owning your own home. This then means that your local council will have a shortage of homes... or so you'd think. Council's can now build their own properties, whereas before, they would have been restricted under law.

The housing market will pick itself back up, but a political party needs to have a good management of the industry, to make sure they are building well, for the future.

The Deficit

I think it's hard for anybody to not have noticed that the UK is in debt. As it is a debt, we need to re-pay it. Questions mainly come around on this topic because people differ as to how we should re-pay our debt. Austerity is what we are in at the moment, which involves cutting back on spending (at different variations) and trying to increase income. Similar to what somebody would do at home if they found themselves in a lot of debt. Stop going out and having as many parties, and maybe even take on a 2nd job, if only for a while.

All the different political parties have different ways they would ensure the UK repaid the debt.

So, now we know.

There is a lot of other topics, but this is hopefully going to explain some of the basic's to you.

It is too important that you vote this year. Make your voice heard.

Jyoti, found higher than a doctor.

This is possibly going to be a hard and long post to write, because it is so complex and it's issues have had a similar effect all around the world.

The incident I refer to in this blog post is to do with the now, world famous gang-rape incident in India, which, eventually, lead to the loss of life of a woman, Jyoti.

I write this after having seen a documentary/ film, called "India's Daughter". The film itself is still at the time of writing, still banned and facing legal challenges in the courts of India, and here, I fail to see why.

The story is told from the beginning of this case, right the way through until it's end of production time, whereby it has to finish where the news is "awaiting supreme court decision" on the final verdict over the sentencing of some of the men involved in this incident.

I'm sure you remember it....

The scene's you see above came within 24-hours of an incident that shocked the world. A woman and her male friend boarded a bus in Delhi, India, thinking it would be taking them home, or near to. Instead the male was beaten and the woman was dragged to the back of the bus, where she was raped by up to 6 men, one of whom later pulled out her intestines, before her body was dragged out of the bus and left on the side of the road.

News of this incident was fast to spread and in what turns out to be quite a shock for India, people took to the streets to say, all in all, women deserve to be treated equally.

Now, for those readers who wish to watch the documentary, click here to see it. Now, that link will take you to the BBC's uk website. As the film still faces legal battles in India, I would presume the film will have restrictions upon it, where it can be viewed etc, I do hear through Indian news websites that the film IS available in several western countries... hello the UK.

In an update on the case though, you may be shocked to learn that the court system, well, specifically the supreme court of India, is now dragging it's heels. Unknown reasons, but still, it is causing a delay for no good reason, but here's where I have to question my own morals on this.

See, a while back, on here, I wrote about the case of Mathew Shepherd, a very famous case in the LGBT community, but, his killers were found and at first, his parents pushed for the death penalty, but, in a last minute switch around, they said no, infact, his farther is recorded saying....

However, in western culture, we are taught, well, most of us, what is right and what is wrong, so it is possible for his killers to remain alive, in prison, regretting their actions every single day they live, for the rest of their lives.

In India though, would it be possible for that to happen? By saying that I mean, women are truly seen as a 2nd class, no, even 3rd class citizens. In recent statistics a woman is raped in India every 20 minutes. Horrible little fact isn't it, but that shows how little women are thought of.

I should also point out here that while yes, I do have an Indian boyfriend, he too is no expert on this matter, he has only visited India once and was as shocked by the film as I was.

Back to the point here though, because it does make you think after watching the film, about should the death sentence be used, because if these men were allowed to live out the rest of their lives behind bars, is there any chance at all that they would regret their actions? I mean, they may regret their actions in the way that yes it took away their freedom, but would they ever regret doing it on the grounds that they KNOW that should not have happened to a woman and that to treat a woman in that way is not acceptable.

I am left sat here now wondering myself if the death sentence is the only way forward for these men, I mean, what other option is there? It is now too late for education.

Jyoti though, I don't think has died in vein. I think a message has been formed and I would like to see her name used over and over again, as women gain equality in India, and other places around the world too, but to use the incident involving her as an example of "that's how it was in the past, let us move forward today".

She is once quoted as saying "What is higher than a doctor", well, I think she found it. Her name is already written down in history, we must now use her name to move women's rights forward, to give other women the chance in life that she never had.

In closing, this film should not be banned, anywhere. Yes, it does have some scene's in it which are not suitable for children, so it's not for everybody to watch, but certainly the rest of the world should be seeing this. We should be seeing the bus driver when he basically says that it is a womans fault if she gets raped, we should see it an encourage a change of mindset in the country and around the world where women are seen as objects and not people.

It is time for equality, Jyoti's story is, I hope, the beginning of this change.

Meeting my idols, how it all went.

They say, never meet your idols, because you build up a mental picture which can be setting the standards so high, that nobody could meet them standards and be able to please you. Such were the thoughts I had in the months leading up to my meeting of the Leffew family, aka, Depfox / Gay Family Values. I don't think i'd set the standards too high, but it was possible that I might have lost a little reality, in just thinking, they are who I would love to be in the future, which is a thought I've had for a while now.

I was worried about meeting them, i'll not lie. It would be possible to meet them, and them to easily say "You said _____ on facebook/twitter and that's wrong and..." etc. It would be possible for me to mess up and them to disapprove of me in one way or another. I was scared in literally every way I could be, but that was over-shadowed by the thought of... "holy shit, i'm going to meet them".

I filmed the video that has come out the same day as this post, and found it difficult to make. Not from an editing point of view, but my thought's all the way from the hotel were "what do you say", "what can we talk about... what don't we talk about" etc.

I arrived at the pub, me and Suny bought a drink, because in my excitement, i'd made us arrive where we were meeting up, half an hour early. I was filming and some people may notice that I see some people off to my screen right (my left), and the film ends. It wasn't Jay and Bryan arriving, it was however, two guy's I had met at the film screening I did in Manchester some 3 ish years ago. I was really happy to see them there, because i'd been checking the facebook event for a while to see if both had been invited and make sure they were coming, since let's face it... the Leffew family we're not only coming over to meet me.

Mid-way through conversation and it went silent. Time seemed to stand still for me. I looked over, and there in a Beige coat walking up towards us, was Jay. The man who had gotten the family on to Youtube in the first place, who's helped me in so many ways in the past, with helping organise the film screening with me, and helping to arrange meeting up in London, who's always given me help and support on facebook when I've been down etc... there he was just a few steps away from me. My heart was beating so fast, I didn't know what to do. I saw, not far behind him, Daniel, Then Bryan and Selina. My eyes were glazing over as I stood there, as if frozen in time, when Jay came over to me and said "It's good to eventually meet you".

Hugging Bryan and Daniel and a little shy wave to Selina, we all moved into the pub and had a nice little chat for about 5 minutes, until somebody came up and said "You guys cannot be in here, I should have locked the door, but I forgot". We moved downstairs into another section of the bar and while on the way, in a bid to calm my nerves, I went outside for a smoke and to eventually head back to the bar for my 2nd drink.

When me and Suny went back into where everybody was sat, I was again stunned by something. There was two seats free, opposite each other, but one was between Jay and Bryan. Not wanting to shove myself in between the two of them and have people thinking I was stealing the lime light, I was unsure what to do, until somebody said "oh that seat's for you", so my dream had come true, I was sat between my two gay idols.

I should point out at this moment, that I refer to them as my gay idols. It's not meant in a way of, they're only my idol's because they're gay, but because they have done what I could only dream of. During time's when I was only looking in to what a gay family was and wondering, as a gay man, did these really exist, or was my future to be spent doing poppers in a gay bar on a weekend... there they were, settled down, a family getting on with life. This for me, was not only a bit of a shock to see how they had their family, but to see that they were like the guy's i'd have often blanked in a gay bar, while I was too busy strutting my stuff to Cher, or trying not to slaughter the scissor sisters on karaoke. See you had Jay, the police man, the activist who wanted to create change. A man who spoke his mind when he felt something wasn't right and I could tell, he wanted to change people's perception of what they thought of the gay community. Then you had Bryan who was this quiet guy, who I thought wouldn't ever want to create the change that Jay wanted to and while he'd be supportive of his husbands actions, he'd be more the guy to do the paperwork, side of things... so if you could imagine a protest of some sort, well, Jay would be out in the street, shouting for the change, Bryan would be on google maps finding out where the protest went and finding out when the next one was. So, yeah, they are my GAY idols. They changed my views on a lot of different topics, more so than I could have imagined when I first found them on Youtube.

Bryan turned to me first and I think asked about how my day had gone so far... and we chatted loads! The reason? Well, I like to think my judgement of people is right, and Bryan, well, my brain thinks... he's the one who knows what he's going to be talking about, and I've longed for years to be able to pick at his brains and try to see the world from his point of view. We chatted and chatted and I was really enjoying myself... until jay said.... "Hey Bryan, wanna swap seats so you can talk to the people on this side?" and they did.

Then of course, I get to pick at Jay's brains. I knew a fair bit about where he stood on some topics because of video's they had done, but of course in recent times, America's police had come under heavy fire from people saying that some officers were racist in their actions... where did he stand on that? As a man who works for the police, how did he feel about the current state of the force, given that not too many years ago, the same force would have been bursting into gay bars and arresting the gay men inside etc. I really enjoyed my time with him, because him, and Bryan, both seemed interested in me and what I had to say and what I thought on certain things. While I had gone with full intention of talking all about them, they were... and of course always have been... normal. They were there to talk to the people who had come to see them, they wanted to know about us, as much as we wanted to know about them. Yes, they have a big following on social media, yes, they've had a movie based on them and their fight for equality.... but what easily gets forgotten, even by me, is that they are normal people.

We talked and talked until the time came to go and walk through London, heading over to the London eye, which once stood as the largest ferris wheel in Europe, only to now be a shadow compared to some more recent ones to open. On the way over there, me and Suny walked at the back of the group, Suny has foot drop in his left foot, which means he walks abit slower and has to take his time, since he has no feelings in his left foot, so has to think about each step... but, to be fair, we hadn't spoken about it to anybody in the group, so nobody was to know. Bryan fell behind the group and walked with us. I don't think either of us expected what would happen to us within the next few minutes.

As we walked, me and Bryan we're just chatting about anything and everything really, and we reached a point where Bryan said "I could really use a bathroom".... and funnily enough, i'd just been thinking the same thing. It just so happens that we were passing a London underground station, so me, presuming that all of them had toilets, I suggested we go in and try to find a toilet. The group stopped and me and Bryan set off to go and find the toilet. We walked in at the ground level... no toilets, so, on we went up to the next floor above... no toilets, so I asked a member of staff and he said that they did have toilets, but they were on the other side of the platform. I think both of us just thought we'd cross a small bridge and be at the toilets, only then did we go up a flight of stairs to realise... the other side of the platform, is the other side of the thames river. We decided that we needed to go, and we'd already come this far.... but we couldn't keep the group waiting any longer, so, we ran. then ran a little more, then some more... eventually arriving at the other side, to have to go down a flight of stairs, then we made it to the toilets. Coming out of the toilets, of course, we'd kept the group waiting about 5 minutes by now, so... we had to run back, which is why in the video, it randomly cuts to me and Bryan running across the station... and yes, that is one of my fave bit's from meeting them, just because it was a little bit crazy to go that far for a toilet break.

We made it back to the group and eventually made it to the London eye... where the que could have easily measured about a quarter of a mile. It was huuuuge, so we decided against the London eye and that we'd instead go on a river taxi, down to the millennium dome, now known as "The o2 Arena", which was almost opposite our hotel.

While we were on the journey, Jay came over and talked to us, and I got to pick at his brains a little bit more, since he does have an interesting job and America's police had been making the news recently, and he is a policeman.... so what did he think of all that's been going on recently? Eventually, while nattering away, we got in to our stop, and my heart was beginning to sink in to the water below, because we all knew that soon, we'd have to go our separate ways. Me and Suny would because we we're tired and had to travel back home the next morning. Jay and Bryan would have to because they had a flight to catch and packing still to do.... the meet up was running out of time.

We all got together one last time in a bar in the o2 arena. The chat had gone from a sort of "getting to know you" to a sort of "whats been in the news" type of chat, which oddly, everybody was fine with. Everyone seemed chilled out and just happy to be there, which set a nice vibe.  Desserts and a few drinks later, it was time to head on home, I was super gutted. I got my picture with Jay and Bryan which is when we then all began to walk our different ways. I only managed to say bye to Bryan and a few of the others that had made it to the meet up, but I later messaged Jay to thank him for making all that happen.

My journey to London too was at an end which was sad in itself, but I felt weirdly, uplifted by the whole experience. I mean, over their Youtube video's Jay and Bryan had made me think differently about a whole range of topics, and here, i'd been given the chance to ask them both about other stuff that they may not have wanted to put on social media in any way. I had the chance to actually see them in person, without any chance of video editing... etc. It worked in both way's though. They had a chance to meet me, the one person crazy enough to say that despite being thousands of miles away, I wanted to see their film, so hosted two screenings of it, the one who has always enjoyed their video's and been supportive of them, even if they found themselves being attacked online, I'd not be too far away in commenting myself.

It was just, mind blowing to meet them, it really was. I write this almost 3 months on from meeting them and I still have a buzz when I think back, and oddly, not one thought of "oooh, I shouldn't have done that" or "maybe I shouldn't have said that", which i'm proud of because normally when i'm as nervous as I was for meeting them, I normally mess up in one way or another.

So back to the original saying of "don't meet your idols". I can see why people would say it, I really can. If you went and met your singing idol, i'm more than sure you wouldn't have been able to sit down with them, have a few drinks and then end up travelling all over London with them. Yet, my idol's, who have done more than any singer could for me, in showing me that I can lead a normal life in a time when many people thought you couldn't, have proven that if your idol is normal, you can meet them, and not be let-down in any way.

The Diet

It's funny when you mention to people "I'm going on a diet" because of how people think that diet's work. Most people will think a diet is something you do for a short period of time to lose weight... and the true facts show... while yes, some will work, a proper diet should be life long.

This all started for me a while back. I wanted to lose weight and so went onto fruit juice drinks (pure 100% fruit juice, as in, no added sugar, no crap, just, the fruit). During a visit to my doctors I mentioned about my weight and about a discolouration of the skin around my eyes and wondered what could be the cause of this. He arranged for me to have some blood samples taken and tested and a few weeks later I called the doctors to check the results were ok.

"You're going to have to come in" said the receptionist, instantly turning my knickers brown because I knew if everything was fine, I wouldn't be called in. An appointment was made for the same week and in I went. I saw the GP's health and diet lady who went through the results with me. They'd checked my cholesterol levels and while the overall mark was good, one part had spiked, showing that something had to change, we went through the results.

All the good cholesterol levels were either where they should be, or below the limits, so that's fine. However, the 1 that had spiked was the bad one. It was a whole 1 point over what it should be according to the dr's standards. This was also the bad cholesterol, the one known for clogging up your heart and leading to heart attacks and further health problems.

She explained about how my diet needed to change and that actually, while yes, fat in my food did play a part, it was more sugar that was known to cause these sorts of spikes in the results, so of course my idea of going on to fruit juice was a bad one.

She reffered me on to a health programme at my request (free access to a gym for 10 weeks.... ITS FREE, OF COURSE YOU CAN SIGN ME UP!!!!) and that is who I heard from today. They went through with me about how I want to create the change, what I would do to create it and of course wanting to know that I would commit to the changes they help me make, including diet and of course exercise.

I funnily enough had a food shop delivered today, the first one of the new year. While this time last year my freezer would have been full of frozen meals and crap, it's my fridge this time around that is full of stuff, all fresh and of course can now be made now I have an oven to cook stuff in! I can't wait to begin my new diet. It has less meat in it, more fresh produce and hopefully with a bit more exercise, will ensure that I am healthy for the future.

But where does this change in my life differ from others?

These changes I make are not just going to be a temp thing. Sure, there'll be foods i'll try over the next few months that I won't like, but, all in all, it should be good and LONG TERM. This isn't a fad diet, it won't be stopped once I've dropped a dress size, this is the way it has to be.

It is the first time I've made this sort of change in my life and i'd be lying if I said I wasn't excited and nervous about the future. I know the initial weight loss will be hard work, but being able to go back in 11 months time to the doctors and having them say I am in perfect health, will be the reward I want and i'm sure will make me feel a lot better about myself other than people saying "oooh, you've lost weight".