I'll explain my point of view on these site's and you may agree, you may not, but these are site's and app's that i refuse to use, for various reasons. This post will probably be sent to my friends when they tell me i should sign up to a site because it's so good or start using an app... etc.
LinkedIn
Linkedin when it first launched was a good idea, certainly from a point of view of trying to gain employment it was ideal, because you really can be head hunted.
Why i don't like it - Basically, the site not a million moon's ago sufferd a hack and alot of details were stolen, so it lacked a proper security system, when the site holds some quite personal details of people, details that people have stored on there, which if stolen could lead to ID fraud. It's also not used by tonnes of people, so trying to get other's to sign up is yet another nightmare. Use of the site is also quite tricky, it's not the most user friendly site in the world, so finding your way around can often be confusing and certainly at times lead me to just logging off and thinking "try again another day". Which of course i never did, so i logged on once and closed my account for good on the site, while mentally vowing to never return to the site again after it's security breach.
Instagram
Instagram or "Insta" as it's also known, started off as quite a respectable website, it was designed for people to upload special pictures to, to share and people would also be able to buy them through the site. When it was bought by facebook, it's useage went through the roof and you're more likely to find a picture of what your friend had to eat these days, rather than a picture of something actually interesting.
Why i don't like it - Basically, it's over-used and not even for the right purpose. Don't get me wrong, very rarely you can find someone on there who has a special collection of photo's which can still take your breath away, but these accounts are few and far between. As i said before, you're more likely to find someone who's taken a picture of their meal and added an effect to the photo, than a nice photo itself. I also refuse to use the website becaue i have a facebook account, those people who i want to see my photo's already can and if somebody isn't on facebook, i'll often visit them in their cave or under their rock and show them in person, so i have no actual use for the site itself, plus im not that into photography to justify using the website for it's proper useage.
SnapChat
SnapChat was launched to compete with the likes of whatsapp, but have a "fun" element, which is that after a few seconds the photo with the tagline will be deleted forever. SnapChat was hacked in early october 2013, leaving people's picture's they never thought would be seen again, vulnerable to being uploaded online.
Why i don't like it - It's an app that everybody has these days and i fail to see the point in it, why would you go to all the effort of taking a picture, putting the tag line then using your internet allowance to send it, just for the person to see if for a few seconds and then fingers crossed, never see it again? Alot of people use this app to send pictures of their body parts and sexual organs, and trust me, i mean ALOT of people do this, which of course added to my delight when i heard that the app had been hacked and alot of these images with the users details, stolen. SnapChat itself however will just be a flash in the pan, once the novelty has truely worn off and people start to delete the app more than they download it, the app will just fade away, only it's concept will no doubt live on under different names as the future goes on. People rave about how great the app is, yet, is it that great? wouldn't you rather have something like WhatsApp, where if you've fallen asleep while replying to a message, you can see what was put and know what you were replying to?
Draw it
Draw it was a fun app when it first came onto the scene, it's rarely touched these days, but has still made it onto this list. The idea behind it is to draw something for the other person to guess what it is.
Why i don't like it - Although it's certainly had it's prime now, the app never seemed to make sense because let's face it, who's that good at drawing these days? It's basically a drawing version of charrads, which drunk or sober, can sometimes be impossable to play because people are rubbish at guessing games.
Friday, 18 October 2013
Wednesday, 2 October 2013
And the modern day tories strike again....
YES this is going to be another rant about being unemployed at the treatment of the unemployed, but with whats been proposed recently, SOMETHING needs to be said.
First of all.
Dear BBC news, ITV news.... infact, ITN as a whole.... the people of the UK are not mostly happy with the changes, infact, the people who have an understanding of the system, not one of them are happy about what has been said recently, please correct your news services to give the wider opinion of the public.
*Ahem*
So what has been said recently?
As it currently stands with the unemployed and how they get their money, alot of it is from what the person has paid into the system, so for a certain amount of time will recieve a type of jobseekers allowance. This amount has a limit but can vary from case to case sometimes on how much a person gets. After that time, the type will change and eventually, the person will pay it back in other ways, like higher taxes when they're in employment etc. As the system currently stands, i agree with that part, you pay into the pot when you have it and are supported when you dont.... then when you do have it again, you pay it back. Fair enough.
The governments latest plans are that you will now work for your benefit. Now this is where it gets tricky, so try to stick with me on this one. You will still pay into the pot and will still be supported, only now, instead of using your daytime hours to look for work, you'll have to spend them doing full time hours, unpaid work. That's right, unpaid.
Now, the government claim that it will be either community service or cooking for the elderly.... something like that.... but for those who remember, when the DWP announced the return of workfair, they said it would be for charities, yet i don't see the registerd charity numbers of Argos, Asda, Tesco etc.... all of whom took on free, unpaid workers... and then failed to recruit paid staff.... i wonder why?
So to say that this work which will apparently start as of next year will just be charitable, you can see why alot of us are going "ummm, will it?".
Next we move onto the fact that there's full time work there, yet the unemployed will be sent to do it free of charge. How about this for an idea.... IF the person is able to do the work, you stop all their benefits, and make them do the work.... PAID! I mean, how does that sound? Full time work and ok, maybe scrubbing paint off walls where theyve been vandalized isn't the best job in the world, but if i was offerd that job tomorrow, paid and full time, i'd snap their hands off to do it. The mere idea we send people to do this at A) no cost to the employer and b) no financial reward to the benefit recipiant, is beyond retarded and will force us into a futher state of financial depression.
The announcement by the government in the way they did it is yet again, trying to blame the unemployed for the state of the job market, where as, it's down to a lack of jobs, both part time and full time.... and silly government scheme's like the one announced, which is taking up paid positions by companies, because if you were an employer, who's profit margins need to grow, are you going to take on paid staff, or free staff if you can get them? Exactly, the free staff.
What we need is a BIG boost for the jobs market, it needs to be re-done. Giving companies free staff is not the way to do this.
However, it's too late.
The government have announced it and the wheels are in motion for this to become law. Which is done at a bad time really, because in 2015, the UK is sent to vote. As it currently stands, unemployment in the UK is still at a record high... meaning, the current political parties in charge (Cons' and leb dem's) have lost the votes of the unemployed.
Wise thinking on their part? Not one bit.
First of all.
Dear BBC news, ITV news.... infact, ITN as a whole.... the people of the UK are not mostly happy with the changes, infact, the people who have an understanding of the system, not one of them are happy about what has been said recently, please correct your news services to give the wider opinion of the public.
*Ahem*
So what has been said recently?
As it currently stands with the unemployed and how they get their money, alot of it is from what the person has paid into the system, so for a certain amount of time will recieve a type of jobseekers allowance. This amount has a limit but can vary from case to case sometimes on how much a person gets. After that time, the type will change and eventually, the person will pay it back in other ways, like higher taxes when they're in employment etc. As the system currently stands, i agree with that part, you pay into the pot when you have it and are supported when you dont.... then when you do have it again, you pay it back. Fair enough.
The governments latest plans are that you will now work for your benefit. Now this is where it gets tricky, so try to stick with me on this one. You will still pay into the pot and will still be supported, only now, instead of using your daytime hours to look for work, you'll have to spend them doing full time hours, unpaid work. That's right, unpaid.
Now, the government claim that it will be either community service or cooking for the elderly.... something like that.... but for those who remember, when the DWP announced the return of workfair, they said it would be for charities, yet i don't see the registerd charity numbers of Argos, Asda, Tesco etc.... all of whom took on free, unpaid workers... and then failed to recruit paid staff.... i wonder why?
So to say that this work which will apparently start as of next year will just be charitable, you can see why alot of us are going "ummm, will it?".
Next we move onto the fact that there's full time work there, yet the unemployed will be sent to do it free of charge. How about this for an idea.... IF the person is able to do the work, you stop all their benefits, and make them do the work.... PAID! I mean, how does that sound? Full time work and ok, maybe scrubbing paint off walls where theyve been vandalized isn't the best job in the world, but if i was offerd that job tomorrow, paid and full time, i'd snap their hands off to do it. The mere idea we send people to do this at A) no cost to the employer and b) no financial reward to the benefit recipiant, is beyond retarded and will force us into a futher state of financial depression.
The announcement by the government in the way they did it is yet again, trying to blame the unemployed for the state of the job market, where as, it's down to a lack of jobs, both part time and full time.... and silly government scheme's like the one announced, which is taking up paid positions by companies, because if you were an employer, who's profit margins need to grow, are you going to take on paid staff, or free staff if you can get them? Exactly, the free staff.
What we need is a BIG boost for the jobs market, it needs to be re-done. Giving companies free staff is not the way to do this.
However, it's too late.
The government have announced it and the wheels are in motion for this to become law. Which is done at a bad time really, because in 2015, the UK is sent to vote. As it currently stands, unemployment in the UK is still at a record high... meaning, the current political parties in charge (Cons' and leb dem's) have lost the votes of the unemployed.
Wise thinking on their part? Not one bit.
Wednesday, 11 September 2013
September 11th, my view.
So today is 11/09/2013 and yet again, for the 12 year running, we'll see news reports and post after post on social media saying "RIP" and of course going back to pointing the finger of blame, usually, in completely the wrong direction.
I will say this at the start though...
A) this post is going to include my opinion, not all will like it.
B) i've done my research in order to come to my opinion's.
C) i do not have an ounce of disrespect for all those who lose their lives during the incident at the world trade towers. The incident should have never happend and lessons STILL need to be learned.
Ok, onto the post then.
Where to begin?
I don't think there's a person alive, who doesn't know about what happend on september 11th 2001. It will always be one of those incidents where you remember what you were doing when you found out the news. Shocking, i think is the only way we can describe what happend that day, a world stood in awe, as we saw one plane hit, the building on fire, then, the 2nd plane hit. Then people jumping out of the buildings. Then that moment when all the noise seemed to go away, as one tower came down, followed later by the 2nd tower. We all saw the camera's move back to show us the empty space that used to be the peak of new yorks skyline.
If you ask most people about the incident itself, you will of course hear about the muslim faith, even if it's just a hint. People were lead to believe that it was muslim's who carried out these attacks and who rejoyced when the planes hit. Since that time, a few people who i know have managed to form their own opinion on what happend, and some, are very interesting in what they say.
A few years back now i signed up to a website called younow.com, it's an old format, but it was a perfect area for people to talk about politics. One night i'd come on and a friend of mine was broadcasting, with someone else and they were talking about 9/11, both of these men, i will point out, are american and white. What they were saying was absolutly incredable and backed up too. Little thing's like how the security guard on the car park for one of the towers, who was working that day, reported hearing a blast in the car park, and that was around the same time the plane hit, but couldn't have been caused by the plane. When he was interviewd by police, at the end report, what this man had said recieved no mention, infact, it was never even said that he was interviewd as a part of the process, why so?
I took it upon myself to re-look into this whole situation and even to me, some thing's don't add up.
Reguardless of this though, the one thing that still bugs me is how people point the finger of blame when it comes to 9/11. It sickens me when people place the blame at the feet of a religion, of which has millions of followers, yet very few terrorists acting under it's name.... know why? Because a terrorist doesn't act under the muslim faith. They're extremeists. People who want to cause havoc and feel that if they're extreme because of a faith, they have a reason to do what they do. They're not exclusive to the muslim faith, you can find extremeism in all faiths, note here... IRA and the westboro baptist church.
Too many people for too long have wanted to believe that america was hard done to by the muslims, when in truth.... america is actually alot worse than you may think.
I want to show you this video, it's perfect. The actor, actually sum's up the way some people are, even to this day with his comments over 9/11. But, watch out of the soldier at the end....
So today, for me, i might spend abit of time thinking about the incident at the world trade towers and of course how sad it must be to have lost a loved one in that incident, but i won't be spending time feeling sorry for america.
Look at how america's been over syria.... that's how america often is and it's time it stopped.
I will say this at the start though...
A) this post is going to include my opinion, not all will like it.
B) i've done my research in order to come to my opinion's.
C) i do not have an ounce of disrespect for all those who lose their lives during the incident at the world trade towers. The incident should have never happend and lessons STILL need to be learned.
Ok, onto the post then.
Where to begin?
I don't think there's a person alive, who doesn't know about what happend on september 11th 2001. It will always be one of those incidents where you remember what you were doing when you found out the news. Shocking, i think is the only way we can describe what happend that day, a world stood in awe, as we saw one plane hit, the building on fire, then, the 2nd plane hit. Then people jumping out of the buildings. Then that moment when all the noise seemed to go away, as one tower came down, followed later by the 2nd tower. We all saw the camera's move back to show us the empty space that used to be the peak of new yorks skyline.
If you ask most people about the incident itself, you will of course hear about the muslim faith, even if it's just a hint. People were lead to believe that it was muslim's who carried out these attacks and who rejoyced when the planes hit. Since that time, a few people who i know have managed to form their own opinion on what happend, and some, are very interesting in what they say.
A few years back now i signed up to a website called younow.com, it's an old format, but it was a perfect area for people to talk about politics. One night i'd come on and a friend of mine was broadcasting, with someone else and they were talking about 9/11, both of these men, i will point out, are american and white. What they were saying was absolutly incredable and backed up too. Little thing's like how the security guard on the car park for one of the towers, who was working that day, reported hearing a blast in the car park, and that was around the same time the plane hit, but couldn't have been caused by the plane. When he was interviewd by police, at the end report, what this man had said recieved no mention, infact, it was never even said that he was interviewd as a part of the process, why so?
I took it upon myself to re-look into this whole situation and even to me, some thing's don't add up.
Reguardless of this though, the one thing that still bugs me is how people point the finger of blame when it comes to 9/11. It sickens me when people place the blame at the feet of a religion, of which has millions of followers, yet very few terrorists acting under it's name.... know why? Because a terrorist doesn't act under the muslim faith. They're extremeists. People who want to cause havoc and feel that if they're extreme because of a faith, they have a reason to do what they do. They're not exclusive to the muslim faith, you can find extremeism in all faiths, note here... IRA and the westboro baptist church.
Too many people for too long have wanted to believe that america was hard done to by the muslims, when in truth.... america is actually alot worse than you may think.
I want to show you this video, it's perfect. The actor, actually sum's up the way some people are, even to this day with his comments over 9/11. But, watch out of the soldier at the end....
So today, for me, i might spend abit of time thinking about the incident at the world trade towers and of course how sad it must be to have lost a loved one in that incident, but i won't be spending time feeling sorry for america.
Look at how america's been over syria.... that's how america often is and it's time it stopped.
Friday, 30 August 2013
Love crush - bad for mental health?
It may well come as a shock to... well, some of you, that i've had a crush on someone for like... i dunno, a week or something. Now firstly, i should point out, i've had crushes before, i know what i get like. The guy who i was having the crush on knew about it and i guess must have been relieved when i told him the other night that my crush was eventually over (it honestly felt like a weight had been lifted off my shoulders), but let me tell you what's bad about a crush these days.
Ok, background on this crush.... We'd been talking for a little bit every now and then anyway, he's a different religion to me, been brought up differently etc, so it's interesting to be talking to him anyway... it just so happens that yes i think he's good looking. I don't know exactly when my crush on him started, but as soon as i recognised it, i told him.
I don't get crushes all that often and when i do have one, i tend to go into a mental battle with myself, so i'll tend to push people away from me, while i get my head sorted. Of course, my feelings during a crush on a person, are probably typical of any other crush.... you want to talk to that person all the time, you get jelous of others talking to them, you almost turn into a stalker and eventually, the feeling's stop.... or get acted upon, of which, the latter has never happend to me and i don't want them to, tbf.
This crush was a pretty bad one for me. I mean, i don't sleep at night at the best of times, neither does he, so when there's not much to do on the net, we would literally spend all night chatting away to each other about some of the most random things you could think of, and to be honest, we still do... and i love that. But where as normally, a message can be left until one of us wakes up or is next online, during my crush, i'd be checking anyway i could to see if he was online. It was crazy and not at all helped by facebook telling you when messages have been read or whatsapp telling you when a person was last on.
Because when you find out that info, it makes you question EVERY-FRICKIN-THING, who are they talking to? Have i said something wrong? Do they hate me.... etc. But this all add's up to me wondering now that i'm out of that phaze.... is it mentally healthy to have a crush?
My guess is that for me, it's not. I tend not to eat, during the "crush time" i'll skip meals, often for a day or two, while i keep checking my body out and thinking "eurgh, i'm too fat, nobody can love me like this". I'll frett over them not replying to messages. I mean, that kinda goes for all people, i really don't like being ignored on purpose, because it's just rude and no good ever comes of it. I'll check my phone or my laptop anytime i can, and when i can't, i'll not feel right because i mean, you could be missing out on that "I love you, let's get into a relationship" message that you're basically waiting for aren't you. I guess most worryingly, is that i can sometimes end up being physically sick or... from the other end, during times like this.
Yep, you got that bit right, no need to re-read it. My feelings get that intense at times that i can literally make myself ill.
Something twigged in me the other night though, it was like someone came in, picked up the weight off my shoulders and flung it to one side. I felt so much better, and still do. The worry and stress of the whole situation has gone and i literally felt wonderful. The guy who i'd had the crush on, i think i messaged over something and i just dropped it into conversation, to which i think his reply was something like "You're over me already?".... and yes, i was! :)
Now that i'm back to "normal", i still find him good looking and i still love talking to him, but if he's busy doing something else, or talking to people where one thing might lead to another, you know... i'd be happy for him, i really would, yet the week before... my god, it'd have mentally killed me... weird ain't it.
I do know, i'm not the only one who has crushes. I know i'm not the only one who's layed in bed trying to sleep, while you imagine cuddling upto that person, or them cuddling upto you. Thinking through what you'd say to them and how your relationship would be with them, but you wanna know the truth? The truth is different from the reality, relationships are hard work to make them perfect, there's fights, arguments, disagreement, awkward moments.... it's far from the fantasy a crush would have you believe.
Some might say, the truth about love is....
Ok, background on this crush.... We'd been talking for a little bit every now and then anyway, he's a different religion to me, been brought up differently etc, so it's interesting to be talking to him anyway... it just so happens that yes i think he's good looking. I don't know exactly when my crush on him started, but as soon as i recognised it, i told him.
I don't get crushes all that often and when i do have one, i tend to go into a mental battle with myself, so i'll tend to push people away from me, while i get my head sorted. Of course, my feelings during a crush on a person, are probably typical of any other crush.... you want to talk to that person all the time, you get jelous of others talking to them, you almost turn into a stalker and eventually, the feeling's stop.... or get acted upon, of which, the latter has never happend to me and i don't want them to, tbf.
This crush was a pretty bad one for me. I mean, i don't sleep at night at the best of times, neither does he, so when there's not much to do on the net, we would literally spend all night chatting away to each other about some of the most random things you could think of, and to be honest, we still do... and i love that. But where as normally, a message can be left until one of us wakes up or is next online, during my crush, i'd be checking anyway i could to see if he was online. It was crazy and not at all helped by facebook telling you when messages have been read or whatsapp telling you when a person was last on.
Because when you find out that info, it makes you question EVERY-FRICKIN-THING, who are they talking to? Have i said something wrong? Do they hate me.... etc. But this all add's up to me wondering now that i'm out of that phaze.... is it mentally healthy to have a crush?
My guess is that for me, it's not. I tend not to eat, during the "crush time" i'll skip meals, often for a day or two, while i keep checking my body out and thinking "eurgh, i'm too fat, nobody can love me like this". I'll frett over them not replying to messages. I mean, that kinda goes for all people, i really don't like being ignored on purpose, because it's just rude and no good ever comes of it. I'll check my phone or my laptop anytime i can, and when i can't, i'll not feel right because i mean, you could be missing out on that "I love you, let's get into a relationship" message that you're basically waiting for aren't you. I guess most worryingly, is that i can sometimes end up being physically sick or... from the other end, during times like this.
Yep, you got that bit right, no need to re-read it. My feelings get that intense at times that i can literally make myself ill.
Something twigged in me the other night though, it was like someone came in, picked up the weight off my shoulders and flung it to one side. I felt so much better, and still do. The worry and stress of the whole situation has gone and i literally felt wonderful. The guy who i'd had the crush on, i think i messaged over something and i just dropped it into conversation, to which i think his reply was something like "You're over me already?".... and yes, i was! :)
Now that i'm back to "normal", i still find him good looking and i still love talking to him, but if he's busy doing something else, or talking to people where one thing might lead to another, you know... i'd be happy for him, i really would, yet the week before... my god, it'd have mentally killed me... weird ain't it.
I do know, i'm not the only one who has crushes. I know i'm not the only one who's layed in bed trying to sleep, while you imagine cuddling upto that person, or them cuddling upto you. Thinking through what you'd say to them and how your relationship would be with them, but you wanna know the truth? The truth is different from the reality, relationships are hard work to make them perfect, there's fights, arguments, disagreement, awkward moments.... it's far from the fantasy a crush would have you believe.
Some might say, the truth about love is....
Saturday, 24 August 2013
What's in my head, for august anyway....
Put into simple terms for you all, apparently i'm not being the same recently and i wanted to put down all the stuff that's in my mind at the moment. There's a few reasons for me doing this but i guess the main reason is for it to give me time to get my head sorted.
I personally don't think i've been too different recently, my behaviour hasn't changed and i'm still pretty much the same, just, plodding along as per.... but what is in my head?
Well, the first thing would be the actions of the job centre of late. As i said in a previous note on here, the job centre has changed. It's gone from being a place to help you get into work, to staff picking out who's the most vulnerable and where they can save the most amount of money for the government, usually by sanctions. I'm no exemption to the rule.
I'm surrently on a 3 month sanction from the job centre, which is a period of 3 months (who'd have guessed that bit) where i recieve no job seekers allowance. Now, they claim, this is because i didn't attend an appointment with a company called i2i, who are a 3rd party company, set up to "help" the unemployed get back into work. They've not helped me at all and to this date, i'm still unemployed. Anyway, this sanction meant that i've had to apply for what's called a "hardship allowance", which is the normal jsa amount, minus 40% (Why the 40% less, i don't know). Earlier this week i was approved for it and on the coming tuesday, i'll recieve my first payment of that, after a month of nothing.
I've also had letters through relating to a sanction that the job centre applied back in april of this year. My appeal decision couldn't be changed and as a result, the case is now going to court. I've filed the paperwork to say that i will be attending and i will have a chance to put my case forward to them. This won't be happening anytime soon, the court system is full of these appeals (I guess a sign that the job centre is doing this quite alot) and as a result, i'll have to wait 8-12 weeks before being given a date to attend the court.
What else?
Oh well, this week has been one for me to worry about finances. This weekend is Manchester Pride, a few friends of mine are going on the sunday (tomorrow) and of course, no matter how much they all asked, i was too poor to go, since my account balance was 75p. A friend of mine said that he would cover the cost of me getting there and back and sent me an amount of money via paypal. Now this money cleared into my account, early hours friday morning. Straight away, there was £30 missing from that because of bank charges that had been put on earlier in the week. Then i saw a payment to a company for £25. Me not recognising the company contacted the bank and the advisor gave me some advice and refunded that payment, only he then made the mistake of saying "... but you'll have to wait about the card charge". Erm, what card charge?
See, some company had been charging my card without me knowing and now that there was some funds in my account, they took the money while they could, £65. So, i asked the bank for more details, but apparently, their system doesn't show who the funds are going to. Great isn't it, they approve payments of MY money, to go to anyone who wants it and the bank don't even know where it's going, yet somehow send it to them.... great that isn't it.
Today, i thought, screw them, i'll withdraw at a cash machine what i can and then appeal the rest when the bank is back to its normal self on tuesday (great that this all happens on a bank holiday weekend). Only, i got to the cash machine and was told that i couldn't withdraw money, due to lack of funds. WHAT? I called to be told that the bank had allowed 2 more charges to come out of my account, they don't know who it's going to, but i can speak with an advisor on tuesday who should be able to help me, although i'd have to wait for the funds to come out of my account. Oh yeah, that's another great bit of news, it still tells me online and on the phone banking, that the money is still in my account.... what a great service THAT is....
So now, i cannot go to pride, bad enough because i've already said to people that i'd go. Then, i've got to pay my friend back. I know he won't be demanding and fall out with me, but i have a sense of dread because i feel, it's the biggest kind of... theft, or something, that i could do, to this friend who's done something so kind for me. I have to pay him back anyway, because my mind is spinning with this sense of guilt and.... i feel awful.
Then of course, it turns out my father has been getting in touch with my mother. They divorced in 2001 and i've not had contact with my father since 2009 ish. I don't know if he's been asking about me, but i do know, he's not gotten in touch. He's admitted that he's homophobic, but his actions speak louder than words do.
It's not botherd me so much that he's gotten in touch with my mum, but it does bother me the way that all those years ago, he could literally not bother with me, over nothing. I've no doubt he'll have verbally dragged my name through the mud, that he'll have told people all his side of events and people will believe him. What does bother me on this though, is that it's making me ask myself questions that i've not been botherd enough to ask myself in the past.
See, my dad IS an alcoholic and a homophobic one at that. Whenever i've met up with him in the past, my sexuality has always been brought into question at one point or another. He's never been able to kind of, fully accept who i am, as a person. When it came to me not bothering to get in touch with him and him not getting in touch with me, after a while i began to move on with my life. I moved out of my mothers and did with my life what i was happy doing. Yet now i'm left with the questions, do i want to get back in touch with him? I mean, there is a chance that i could go and meet him, with my mum.. but what would be the point in that?
Then of course i'm left asking, is there a need for him in my life? How would he fit into my life and how would i fit into his. Be it, i've not got the biggest circle of friends, at the moment, all the friends i do have keep in touch on a regular basis, even if it's just a quick message every other week. Some friends are around a few times a week. Then i've got family too, i keep in touch with them quite alot when i can etc.... see, is your head starting to spin yet?
I guess these are kind of the main things that are on my mind. There's other bits where i've not been talking to people for whatever reason and although i may now be talking with them people, my head just isn't there.
Like last night, i'd been peforming at a charity party. As it's charity i wouldn't dream of charging, and, i have no money spare, so i was left with no option that walking home. The way i walk home from the venue would have taken me past a friends house, so i text her to see if she was in.... long story short, we met up and went back to her's for abit. She refused to let me walk home by myself and so called for and paid for a taxi for me.
What this all breaks down to is that something isn't right for me at the moment, alot of it boils down to a shortage of money and not enough help with it when it comes to banks and such. I know that people are doing all they can and more to help me, and i cant explain to them how greatful i am for this, but the likes of the bank giving my money away and not telling me who to.... what am i supposed to do about that?
I think it's mentally found my peak and it's a challange to try and stay afloat, given all that is spinning around in my head. Mentally, i'm drained, confused... lost, but still wanting to beat the battle as i always do.
I sit here, day dreaming, thinking about "if only i could get arrested and sent to prison for something, i'd have none of this crap to deal with" and it'd give me a break away too. There's no place for me to run to, even the voice in my head feels mentally trapped and i guess, it's one of those things that i'll do what i can when i can.
As i said though i don't think i've changed. I'm doing what i can to get by and i will, but please.... stop worrying.
I personally don't think i've been too different recently, my behaviour hasn't changed and i'm still pretty much the same, just, plodding along as per.... but what is in my head?
Well, the first thing would be the actions of the job centre of late. As i said in a previous note on here, the job centre has changed. It's gone from being a place to help you get into work, to staff picking out who's the most vulnerable and where they can save the most amount of money for the government, usually by sanctions. I'm no exemption to the rule.
I'm surrently on a 3 month sanction from the job centre, which is a period of 3 months (who'd have guessed that bit) where i recieve no job seekers allowance. Now, they claim, this is because i didn't attend an appointment with a company called i2i, who are a 3rd party company, set up to "help" the unemployed get back into work. They've not helped me at all and to this date, i'm still unemployed. Anyway, this sanction meant that i've had to apply for what's called a "hardship allowance", which is the normal jsa amount, minus 40% (Why the 40% less, i don't know). Earlier this week i was approved for it and on the coming tuesday, i'll recieve my first payment of that, after a month of nothing.
I've also had letters through relating to a sanction that the job centre applied back in april of this year. My appeal decision couldn't be changed and as a result, the case is now going to court. I've filed the paperwork to say that i will be attending and i will have a chance to put my case forward to them. This won't be happening anytime soon, the court system is full of these appeals (I guess a sign that the job centre is doing this quite alot) and as a result, i'll have to wait 8-12 weeks before being given a date to attend the court.
What else?
Oh well, this week has been one for me to worry about finances. This weekend is Manchester Pride, a few friends of mine are going on the sunday (tomorrow) and of course, no matter how much they all asked, i was too poor to go, since my account balance was 75p. A friend of mine said that he would cover the cost of me getting there and back and sent me an amount of money via paypal. Now this money cleared into my account, early hours friday morning. Straight away, there was £30 missing from that because of bank charges that had been put on earlier in the week. Then i saw a payment to a company for £25. Me not recognising the company contacted the bank and the advisor gave me some advice and refunded that payment, only he then made the mistake of saying "... but you'll have to wait about the card charge". Erm, what card charge?
See, some company had been charging my card without me knowing and now that there was some funds in my account, they took the money while they could, £65. So, i asked the bank for more details, but apparently, their system doesn't show who the funds are going to. Great isn't it, they approve payments of MY money, to go to anyone who wants it and the bank don't even know where it's going, yet somehow send it to them.... great that isn't it.
Today, i thought, screw them, i'll withdraw at a cash machine what i can and then appeal the rest when the bank is back to its normal self on tuesday (great that this all happens on a bank holiday weekend). Only, i got to the cash machine and was told that i couldn't withdraw money, due to lack of funds. WHAT? I called to be told that the bank had allowed 2 more charges to come out of my account, they don't know who it's going to, but i can speak with an advisor on tuesday who should be able to help me, although i'd have to wait for the funds to come out of my account. Oh yeah, that's another great bit of news, it still tells me online and on the phone banking, that the money is still in my account.... what a great service THAT is....
So now, i cannot go to pride, bad enough because i've already said to people that i'd go. Then, i've got to pay my friend back. I know he won't be demanding and fall out with me, but i have a sense of dread because i feel, it's the biggest kind of... theft, or something, that i could do, to this friend who's done something so kind for me. I have to pay him back anyway, because my mind is spinning with this sense of guilt and.... i feel awful.
Then of course, it turns out my father has been getting in touch with my mother. They divorced in 2001 and i've not had contact with my father since 2009 ish. I don't know if he's been asking about me, but i do know, he's not gotten in touch. He's admitted that he's homophobic, but his actions speak louder than words do.
It's not botherd me so much that he's gotten in touch with my mum, but it does bother me the way that all those years ago, he could literally not bother with me, over nothing. I've no doubt he'll have verbally dragged my name through the mud, that he'll have told people all his side of events and people will believe him. What does bother me on this though, is that it's making me ask myself questions that i've not been botherd enough to ask myself in the past.
See, my dad IS an alcoholic and a homophobic one at that. Whenever i've met up with him in the past, my sexuality has always been brought into question at one point or another. He's never been able to kind of, fully accept who i am, as a person. When it came to me not bothering to get in touch with him and him not getting in touch with me, after a while i began to move on with my life. I moved out of my mothers and did with my life what i was happy doing. Yet now i'm left with the questions, do i want to get back in touch with him? I mean, there is a chance that i could go and meet him, with my mum.. but what would be the point in that?
Then of course i'm left asking, is there a need for him in my life? How would he fit into my life and how would i fit into his. Be it, i've not got the biggest circle of friends, at the moment, all the friends i do have keep in touch on a regular basis, even if it's just a quick message every other week. Some friends are around a few times a week. Then i've got family too, i keep in touch with them quite alot when i can etc.... see, is your head starting to spin yet?
I guess these are kind of the main things that are on my mind. There's other bits where i've not been talking to people for whatever reason and although i may now be talking with them people, my head just isn't there.
Like last night, i'd been peforming at a charity party. As it's charity i wouldn't dream of charging, and, i have no money spare, so i was left with no option that walking home. The way i walk home from the venue would have taken me past a friends house, so i text her to see if she was in.... long story short, we met up and went back to her's for abit. She refused to let me walk home by myself and so called for and paid for a taxi for me.
What this all breaks down to is that something isn't right for me at the moment, alot of it boils down to a shortage of money and not enough help with it when it comes to banks and such. I know that people are doing all they can and more to help me, and i cant explain to them how greatful i am for this, but the likes of the bank giving my money away and not telling me who to.... what am i supposed to do about that?
I think it's mentally found my peak and it's a challange to try and stay afloat, given all that is spinning around in my head. Mentally, i'm drained, confused... lost, but still wanting to beat the battle as i always do.
I sit here, day dreaming, thinking about "if only i could get arrested and sent to prison for something, i'd have none of this crap to deal with" and it'd give me a break away too. There's no place for me to run to, even the voice in my head feels mentally trapped and i guess, it's one of those things that i'll do what i can when i can.
As i said though i don't think i've changed. I'm doing what i can to get by and i will, but please.... stop worrying.
Friday, 23 August 2013
Bradley manning.
The name may well be recognised by you, but from the start of this i'll just explain something. Recent media has shown that Bradley Manning is now starting treatment to change sex. Out of respect, i'll be reffering to Bradley Manning, the name, however, where i would normally use "he"i shall be using "she". This is until i know for sure what Bradley would like to be known as (different media outlets give different names). While i'm still to establish if this is true that Bradley does want to change his sex, this already is causing a stir to the public, and it is this what we address.
Bradley as some of you may well know, has been sentenced to 35 years in prison, for leaking documents to the website "Wikileaks". It is since this verdict and Bradley's imprisonment that the news of his sex change has come about on the scene.
I myself, have not had the feelings of wanting to change my sex. I'm not against people doing such a thing at all, provided it will make them feel more comfortable in their own skin, once all the proceedures are carried out.
A friend of mine, whom i won't name, is currently going through this period of time, going from female to male. I could here, write about his personality and explain to you how kind he is and how well we get along, but personality is down to the person and i think very little is actually influenced by his sex, although maybe how happy he is, may well have changed with this.
My friend has only breifly explained to me about the proceedures, i've seen some of the scars and i know from having looked into this topic, that it is a long and drawn out process.
If Bradley is just at the start of the journey, then i can only wish her luck (be it, that she'll never read this). I DO know how it feels wanting the world to know something, you're literally bursting to tell people, but you don't know how their reaction to the news will be. This is probably how Bradley will have felt for some time now and now that the case is all delt with, it's time to be honest to himself.
But how will the world cope?
Years ago, Corronation street, a british soap handled the story of someone who had been through the trans gender process and was now female. It sparked the debate. I was only young at the time, so i don't know exactly what the public reaction was, but i know that to this day, the charicter is still in the soap and has literally won a place in people's hearts, be it now though, that the charicter is being killed off as the actress who plays her would like to move into other area's of acting.
When i first saw the news about Bradley manning, i was shocked. I didn't believe it at first. It took a little while for the news to kind of sink in. Other people moved onto things like wentworth miller coming out and Bradley's case seems to have been put to "old news" now.
Some people question the whole proceedure, not understanding how that person is mentally feeling about their own sex and how it could be effecting them from day to day. If this sounds like you, then i can only say to do some research on the matter. Simply sitting, wondering, will get you nowhere. It's a perfect time for you to look into the topic and see what these people have to go through in order to be accepted for the sex change proceedure. This really isn't one of those things where you'd wake up and think "i want to be the oposite sex today".Often people will have spent alot of time thinking about this, years in many cases, wanting to be sure themselves.
I've seen it already, that people just come out of the woodwork to critique those who are going through the proceedures, or are considering it themselves. They do it with very little understanding of what people may well be thinking and in many cases, it just causes offense.
Admittedly, I am a part of the LGBT community, that's Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual and Transgender. While i might know more about the first three, i know little when it comes to transgender and transexual people. Sure, i might know more than somebody who hasn't looked into it at all, but i still feel there's more i could learn. While some people world over may well speak about their experiances and show their scars, everybody has a different story to tell and i only wish that more people would tell their story. It's how people learn. The gay community didn't make progress by being silent.
Bradley as some of you may well know, has been sentenced to 35 years in prison, for leaking documents to the website "Wikileaks". It is since this verdict and Bradley's imprisonment that the news of his sex change has come about on the scene.
I myself, have not had the feelings of wanting to change my sex. I'm not against people doing such a thing at all, provided it will make them feel more comfortable in their own skin, once all the proceedures are carried out.
A friend of mine, whom i won't name, is currently going through this period of time, going from female to male. I could here, write about his personality and explain to you how kind he is and how well we get along, but personality is down to the person and i think very little is actually influenced by his sex, although maybe how happy he is, may well have changed with this.
My friend has only breifly explained to me about the proceedures, i've seen some of the scars and i know from having looked into this topic, that it is a long and drawn out process.
If Bradley is just at the start of the journey, then i can only wish her luck (be it, that she'll never read this). I DO know how it feels wanting the world to know something, you're literally bursting to tell people, but you don't know how their reaction to the news will be. This is probably how Bradley will have felt for some time now and now that the case is all delt with, it's time to be honest to himself.
But how will the world cope?
Years ago, Corronation street, a british soap handled the story of someone who had been through the trans gender process and was now female. It sparked the debate. I was only young at the time, so i don't know exactly what the public reaction was, but i know that to this day, the charicter is still in the soap and has literally won a place in people's hearts, be it now though, that the charicter is being killed off as the actress who plays her would like to move into other area's of acting.
When i first saw the news about Bradley manning, i was shocked. I didn't believe it at first. It took a little while for the news to kind of sink in. Other people moved onto things like wentworth miller coming out and Bradley's case seems to have been put to "old news" now.
Some people question the whole proceedure, not understanding how that person is mentally feeling about their own sex and how it could be effecting them from day to day. If this sounds like you, then i can only say to do some research on the matter. Simply sitting, wondering, will get you nowhere. It's a perfect time for you to look into the topic and see what these people have to go through in order to be accepted for the sex change proceedure. This really isn't one of those things where you'd wake up and think "i want to be the oposite sex today".Often people will have spent alot of time thinking about this, years in many cases, wanting to be sure themselves.
I've seen it already, that people just come out of the woodwork to critique those who are going through the proceedures, or are considering it themselves. They do it with very little understanding of what people may well be thinking and in many cases, it just causes offense.
Admittedly, I am a part of the LGBT community, that's Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual and Transgender. While i might know more about the first three, i know little when it comes to transgender and transexual people. Sure, i might know more than somebody who hasn't looked into it at all, but i still feel there's more i could learn. While some people world over may well speak about their experiances and show their scars, everybody has a different story to tell and i only wish that more people would tell their story. It's how people learn. The gay community didn't make progress by being silent.
Saturday, 17 August 2013
The ES4JP form and you.
There's some confusion as to what goes into this form and what doesn't, so here's a little check in from me about how i understand it.
The reason the confusion exists is because each member of the Job Centre staff have their own version of how the form should be filled in, please also be aware that if you do not meet their standards, they will sanction you.
The ES4JP, otherwise known as "the diary" is a booklet that the job centre are supposed to hand to you, for you to keep a record of your job search activity. Some will say that you are only to fill in the job's that you have applied for, however, while the majority of jcp staff will agree with this, i have personally been sanctioned for filling in the form this way.
Other job centre staff will want you to write in all of your activities that you have undertaken (including that you took a bus, to a town, to see if jobs were available). Be warned, not all job centre staff like this, and you can be sanctioned for filling the form in this way.
The way around it?
Fill in all the details. If you applied for a job on a website, put in that you checked the website to find work, then as a seperate entry, put in that you applied for.... whatever job it was that you applied for.
If you can, aim to fill in one of these booklets each time you go in and make sure your back is coverd, this way, no member of staff can say that you are doing it wrong, as all the info they want will be in the booklet.
Note with this booklet though, if you ask different staff in your job centre for advice on how to fill in this booklet, you will get told different answers, which is why i say to put everything in. Welcome to job searching in 2013, wasn't tough enough looking for work anyway? The ES4JP will help make it harder :)
The reason the confusion exists is because each member of the Job Centre staff have their own version of how the form should be filled in, please also be aware that if you do not meet their standards, they will sanction you.
The ES4JP, otherwise known as "the diary" is a booklet that the job centre are supposed to hand to you, for you to keep a record of your job search activity. Some will say that you are only to fill in the job's that you have applied for, however, while the majority of jcp staff will agree with this, i have personally been sanctioned for filling in the form this way.
Other job centre staff will want you to write in all of your activities that you have undertaken (including that you took a bus, to a town, to see if jobs were available). Be warned, not all job centre staff like this, and you can be sanctioned for filling the form in this way.
The way around it?
Fill in all the details. If you applied for a job on a website, put in that you checked the website to find work, then as a seperate entry, put in that you applied for.... whatever job it was that you applied for.
If you can, aim to fill in one of these booklets each time you go in and make sure your back is coverd, this way, no member of staff can say that you are doing it wrong, as all the info they want will be in the booklet.
Note with this booklet though, if you ask different staff in your job centre for advice on how to fill in this booklet, you will get told different answers, which is why i say to put everything in. Welcome to job searching in 2013, wasn't tough enough looking for work anyway? The ES4JP will help make it harder :)
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)