I know it has been a long time since I have written on here, but life hasn't been too good for me for a while now and while it is completely my fault, It's still currently a battle.
Around a year ago now I'd guess it was, but life stopped being fun. I noticed in myself that I was drinking more than usual and more often. The issue was for me, having nothing to do, too much time on my hands and seeing alcohol as a way to pass the time. Around my birthday last year (2022) I decided that I should start looking up help to become sober. Not long after, like, a few days i think it was, but my brother confronted me over text saying that i had a drinking problem and that i needed to get help, rather than deny it or pass it off as another angry message from him, it got me and i admitted it out loud for the first time ever.
It's a difficult thing to do, actually saying that you have a problem. It's also very scary to realize you have a problem. I made the choice to seek out help by reaching out to a service in my local area that supports people having issues with drugs and alcohol. I think the service was called inspire, but then they re-branded or something... long story short, i got signed up.
The first thing they did with me was to go through a triage assessment, which determined what kind of a drinker i was (turns out, binge) and any other habits i have etc. Then comes the options for treatment. Did i need to go to a rehab facility? Would it be best to go to group therapy etc. The answer kind of shocked me to be honest.
We decided that i would be best to do group therapy. One of them where you think it's everyone in a big circle sat around doing the whole "My names Bev and i'm an alcoholic", yeah, one of them. I was called by the host of these meetings and i was given my start date.
I guess technically it is within walking distance of where i live, but it is one hell of a walk which i only managed a few times because the chaffing would cripple me for the rest of the week! Anyway, my first day, i turn up and I am a big sweaty mess, but, I'm early so i have time to grab a few cups of water and dry myself off with the free tissues they have out in reception. Eventually me and some others are sent through to this other room where the meeting is held and it's not at all what i thought it was going to be. It's a big table with chairs around the edge, free tea and coffee and everyone is just talking about normal things.
The meeting starts and as i'm the newbie i'm given an introduction into how things go at the meetings, what we discuss, what sort of topics we learn etc. The breakdown basically is that we have a catch up at the start of the meeting, which is where one by one we speak about how the previous week has been, if you have had a drink it's fine, but why did you have a drink etc. Once everyone has spoken there's a 10 minute break so you can get yourself another cup of tea, or go and have a cigarette outside etc, then when everyone is around the table again it's time to learn. The learning is very informal though, you are welcome to actively join in with the topic and how you can relate to it etc. After say, 50 mins, it's home time.
I didn't think i would do well in these sorts of meetings to be honest, but I do enjoy them, it gets me out of the house, and helps me to socialise, to speak, learn etc.
My next steps currently are to start putting things into place for the long term, after all, i will be an alcoholic for life and i will always need support and a network of people i can reach out to. So that might be joining local AA meetings, or some other kind of recovery program, because at the same time, i'll then have a support network for life.
The journey is tough though, I cant lie, it's a battle like i've never fought before. It's still scary and at the same time it's exciting knowing that theres going to be a better tomorrow for me.
