I can't quite believe that it is almost 2 years since i last wrote on here. 2 years and what a different world we live in. When we first went into lockdown i didn't really think i would change that much, sure, i expected to find fun in new things, maybe even pick up a hobby or two, yet, i still find myself shocked at how much i personally am feeling the change.
I write here though, today, with my mindset feeling better than it has done in a while and certainly my anxiety is feeling less, yet, i'm not supposed to feel like this. You may ask, what happened?
Many moons ago as people who know me can verify, i became friends with a girl named Sian when we both worked in KFC. Over the years we basically became like a married couple until one day when we were bickering about something, and i remember Sian messaged me and said "I can't do this anymore, i'm done" and blocked me in every way she could. We both moved on in life and everything seemed great, i got a new flat and moved etc. Now, my memory has faded a bit but we ended up back in touch, actually met up twice too! Things were never the same though, i don't know what it was, but things just felt different, like we couldn't be ourselves around each other, and rather quickly contact was dropped.
During the lockdowns i began to use my social media more, posting video's of stuff from my Youtube, tagging people etc, and everyone seemed to be responding as expected tbh. One friend i had gotten back in touch with was Ian, remember him from the Bev & Ian video's? Well, we were messaging and then he went through a horrible time in his life because of things that happened, but i tried to be a good friend, but weirdly contact went to nothing. Every now and again i'd get a few messages off him and we would have a catch up, which was nice. One night i messaged him a picture of Sian's baby and said "Don't you think she looks like Paul?" who is a person all 3 of us know for various reasons, but i don't think any of us are in contact with anymore. However, it was a joke, but Ian was going through his no contact bit again, so i didn't mind.
Last night i quite late on got a message off Sian to say that she had seen the message in person so i can't deny i sent it, and that although her partner found it funny, she didn't and now, what little respect she had for me has now gone and to not talk about her or her baby again. She then blocked me on everything while i spent time trying to think "What message?". I then remembered that the only thing i had said about Sian was the baby joke to Ian.
Then, i saw why he had gone quiet with me.
So, i've removed Ian from my social media and i've also blocked Sian too, so if she changes her mind in the future, oh well, she can't. Weirdly though, i'm not bothered about this. If you can't take a joke then fine, but it's the thought that these two have been in touch (Ian also has his own business, so it's possible they have met in person) and spoken about me and probably gone into detail about how they're glad they no longer talk to me etc. Not going to lie, that bit actually makes me laugh, to think, i'm obviously living in their heads rent free at the moment.
Why isn't this bothering me though? I've spent today driving around asking myself the same thing. To be honest i think it's a relief now not having to worry about what others are thinking of me, thinking i'll have to be the first one to get in touch or i'll be seen as the bad friend... well, no more. Lockdown has taught me that i prefer animals over humans anyway and i am over the idea of having friends tbh, i'd rather sit at home, doing what i want, rather than worrying about what others are thinking.
So, goodbye Wifey, the friendship was a roller coaster and we held on for the ride, but i'm glad it's gotten back into the station and we can get off and go our seperate ways. It was fun, but, oh well, bye.
